Giving everything up for SEN

[elmtreeyellow]

Has anyone given everything up due to child's SEN?

DS is not coping at all in school. We have s19 alternative provision each morning off site but cant get him into school for the afternoons.

Its heartbreaking the tears, lashing out, hurting me, hurting himself daily to avoid going. The schoolsay i need to leave work midday most days to assist getting him into school after the AP ends as they cant spare any staff.

I'm a single mum, dad isn't around. We get DLA but my home is mortgaged so no other benefits.

I need to work full time to pay bills but im seriously considering if it is even worth it.

Has anyone had to give up work, possibly sell their home and seriously consider benefits and housing association property to survive SEN and the impact of mainstream school unable to meet his needs.

We are due the EHCP plan, right at the final stages now, but all SEMH schools are full. His current school have said in their experience they will be named even though they cant meet his needs.

My job is my dream job, a career I've built up but am I being selfish to think of me and my needs, when DSs are so much greater.

@elmtreeyellow

How old is he, OP?

He is 7. School has been hell since starting Reception. It feels never-ending.

Unfortunately, parents, especially mothers, of disabled DC are more likely to not work.

I had to give up my career. For many years, I couldn’t work at all but now I work very part time TTO.

Have you requested more s19 provision instead of school in the afternoon?

When you say the school are saying you need to assist getting DS into school, do you mean collect from the AP and take to school or do you mean DS is being taken back to school but the school is requesting you help with getting DS into the building?

Are the SEMH schools wholly independent? If not, on its own being full is not enough of a reason to refuse to name them if one of them is your preference. Have you looked at all schools within travelling distance, including independent and out of area schools? The maximum recommended travel time for primary is 45 mins, although many travel further. Alternatively, if it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school, there is EOTAS/EOTIS. If you have to appeal the EHCP and DS is not in school full time, you can request an expedited hearing. Still a wait, but not quite as long. Is the LA sticking to the EHCP timescales? What week are you on?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the children with disabilities team for DS.

Are you getting the right DLA award?

Have you definitely checked if you are eligible for other benefits? Some with mortgages are still eligible. The income threshold for UC is higher than many think when there is a disabled child. Are you receiving child benefit? Have you checked your council tax? To make sure you are receiving the single person discount and to check if you could get council tax benefit/reduction/support. You may not be eligible for the latter given your earnings, but you will be eligible for the former regardless of earnings if there is just you and DS in the house.

Are you sure you're required to go at school's request? Is it not their legal responsibility? And if they can't meet it within their existing resources, they should seek support from the council, not you? I know schools can't force parents to function as they child's TA, even though many demand this.

It's not selfish to want to hold on to your career. It is important for your sanity and financial stability, both of which are also instrumental to your son's welfare.