Could my six-year-old have anxiety, selective mutism or autism?

[CLH1702]

Hello!

I just don't know what to do or where to turn. This is going to be a long one so i do apologise in advance.

My 6 year old son struggles a lot. I don't know what it is but I do have suspicions of selective mutism and anxiety.
A lot of people have said they see autism including close family and friends who have autistic children, and the lady who runs lego club, but I am completely on the fence about that.

I do have a meeting with senco tomorrow morning, but I spoke to his teacher today at drop off to get her perspective on him in class but she said as she's new, she can't really comment. Only that he is very quiet and when I mentioned we suspect SM, she said to me that she has taught SM children before and that my son is just quiet and observant rather than SM but she will get to know him a bit more (note - His main teacher is off at the moment, and she agreed with SM when I mentioned it to her at parents evening). Fast forward to pick up, his teacher pulled me and said he has been putting his hand up today to answer questions and 'having a laugh'. That was amazing to hear, and I am so happy hearing that feedback. However, I now feel like I'm going to look like I'm trying to say my child is something hes not?

I will give a few examples of what he struggles with and I would be grateful for any advice you guys can give me because honestly after what his teacher has said, I am at a loss and really questioning myself.

• He struggles to go into school some mornings unless we get there really early before anyone else. If we arent early he refuses to leave the house or the car and the teacher has to come out and help get him in. He has been like this since nursery. And when we think we've started to get him in ok, the slightest thing can set him back. Whether that be the weekend off, school holidays or even someone speaking to him in the wrong tone.

• He completely stops talking around certain people. Even people who are familiar to him (it even took him ages to speak to his dad who lives with us and always has done). Sometimes he comes around. Sometimes he doesn't.

• There is a woman who used to be his nursery worker. He knows her well and had a really good bond with her inside nursery. She has children that go to his school, but even to this day he will try and avoid her. To the point she now crosses the road because he will run into the road and fall off his scooter etc. Purley to try and get away from her.

• He gets funny about routes if we dont take the normal route/entrance to/go to the same places. For example, his older brother does football training at a specific place, and one morning he had a match. I asked my 6 year old if he would like to come. He said yes. But because it wasn't where he does training, he wouldn't get out the car and was asking to go home saying if he knew where we was going he wouldn't have come.

• He says his classroom is too loud. School have offered ear defenders for this.

• When we go to other people's houses (his nans for example), he will sit on the stairs the whole time. Even if we are there hours. And will not interact at all.

The list is endless.

To anyone who reads to the end, i salute you haha.

Thank you.

Anxiety and SM can be co-morbidities of ASD. It doesn’t have to be either or. I think there is enough in your post to warrant a referral for an autism assessment.

I would also look for a referral to SALT. Sometimes a SALT assessment is part of the ASD assessment, but I would request it separately because an ordinary SALT referral will probably be quicker. In some areas, you can self refer to SALT.

Selective mutism is just a way that anxiety might be dealt with by some people - it's a symptom, not a cause. The issue is the anxiety, which might exist on its own, or the anxiety might be caused by autism.

As PP said, I think an autism assessment seems appropriate as it would explain what sounds like a lot of anxiety around social interaction, unfamiliar places, changes in plans, and sensory overload.

SALT is speech and language therapy. It could be really helpful in identifying some of the key challenges and suggesting ways of tackling them so that your DS feels less anxious and more able to engage in the world with less anxiety.

The way you say "on the fence" about autism is interesting. Remember that it's not up to you (or randoms on the internet) to diagnose autism. Ask the professionals! And if they do conclude he's autistic, it won't change who he is, but it will give insights into how his brain works and how to help him be more happy and successful and less anxious. It will open doors to support and adaptations that he's not currently getting. So I hope the SENCo agrees to take forward an autism assessment and if not, I suggest you go to your GP to get the assessment process started. An assessment will take ages anyway, so best to get started sooner rather than later. I he grows out of these behaviors, then that's fine! But things might get worse and you'll be kicking yourself not to have pushed things forward.

I say 'on the fence' because he presents as a typical child. School have no concerns, but senco stated that the way I describe him does sound like autism. I still don't think he will get a diagnosis even if he is purely because he does present as a typical child on the outside (i know it is a spectrum. I just think they may miss it if he is).

I think I also compare him to other autistic children who are quite severe. Which i know I shouldn't, of course.

You say DS presents typically but in your OP you listed several difficulties that are not typical and said the list is endless.Whether it is autism, anxiety, SM, a combination or none, DS clearly has SEN.