School refusing SENCO meeting and expecting me to handle toileting accidents

[Strangerdanger1]

DS is 6 (year 1) and on the autism pathway with his paediatrician.

He has a speech and language delay, gross motor delay and wears insoles to correct walking.

so far, school have refused a SENCO meeting as he isn’t in possession of an EHCP or a full diagnosis. He has an IEP.

Currently, the biggest issue is toileting. He struggles with the smells and noise of the bathrooms in the classroom and will hold poo etc until absolutely desperate. This has obviously led to accidents - he will pass small amounts of poo involuntarily.

School have a climbing frame in the classroom - he can climb up, but struggles to get down. This has led to 4 poo accidents since September as he is unable to descend the climbing frame in time.

in the space of 10 minutes today, I received 3 phone calls and 2 messages regarding coming to school to change him.

I work with chainsaws, large mowers etc so cannot always respond immediately for safety reasons. When I rang back (15 mins after initial call), I was told by a very stroppy member of office staff that they’d had to find someone to change him.

Even if I’d answered at the first ring, I was 40 mins away and needed to ensure the site was safe before leaving. At no point did they contact my husband (not that he’s much use this week as he’s at a conference).

What would you advise? I cannot afford to lost my contracts (self employed) and site safety is absolutely paramount.

Just say you can’t come. What are they going to do? If they refuse senco meeting then they are shooting themselves in the foot.
My eldest starting having accidents in the summer of reception and they expected me to come get him. Years down the line he was diagnosed with ADHD. The accidents were due to his hyperfocus.
If the system prevents children from being diagnosed correctly until they are much older then what exactly are parents supposed to do when school starts at the age of 4 in this country.

This school needs to take a hard look at itself. There are a vanishingly tiny number of parents who could go from receiving a phonecall to collecting a child in less than 10 minutes, most would take at least half an hour and being at least an hour wouldn't be unusual. They cannot have a policy of letting a child remain in soiled clothing until a parent gets there. They need a reasonable policy that deals with entirely predictable scenarios (there will definitely be not-yet-diagnosed/EHCPd children in KS1 who have significant additional needs that haven't yet been formally documented) within the resources they have on-site.

You have done nothing wrong.

Make sure you are keeping a written log of every time the school fails to meet your child's needs like this.

Is it your gut feeling that he's going to need a place in a specialist autism-focused school, or do you think he will thrive in mainstream with the right support?

Request a meeting with the HT. Follow up with an email. If that doesn’t work, look at a formal complaint.

The school should not be requiring you to go in to change DS. Have a read of the supporting pupils at school with medical conditions statutory guidance. This is underpinned by the Children and Families Act 2014.

Assuming this isn’t an independent school, remind the school they must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN whether DS has an EHCP &/or diagnosis or not. They must also make reasonable adjustments. If DS had an IEP, there must have been some SENCO involvement.

Does DS also have an intimate care plan?

Request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Is DS under the continence service?

You should tell them that if they are struggling to safeguard him within the resources they have, they should request an ECHNA. Their safeguarding failures cannot be used as a reason to exclude him from school or require parents to fill gaps in their ability to meet their legal requirements. End of. Hard no. Don't come in. Remind them that you would be happy to discuss this with the SENCO at a mutually convenient time.

@Didyousaynutella so far I have not been able to reach the school before they change him - I work in rural Cumbria; everything is an hour away. The UK system is ridiculous! Wait for diagnosis, but good luck in school 🙄

@CandyEnclosingInvisible likely to stay in mainstream- academically he is thriving (and a bit bored), his social circle is limited at school, but he has a social circle out of school linked to a hobby/special interest. We’ve worked hard to build this social circle as school provided no support linked to building friendships. His current class teacher has suggested he has been the class ‘scapegoat’ in reception as many of his class will try to blame him even if he wasn’t in the room!

@ChasingMoreSleep its a state school, not private. Our original referral was from nursery (part of school), it was entirely ignored last year and the reception teacher was incredibly dismissive. This years teacher pays lip service, but SENCO is dismal and says she will arrange a meeting and not follow through. It has taken 2 years to get to the initial paediatrics meeting (lasted 90 mins and clearly indicated the likelihood of a diagnosis. School have a copy of the report).

I will have a read of the ECHNA etc info - it’s not something I’m familiar with. We are not currently under a continence service and e-school nurse felt the school could support by encouraging water intake (he forgets to drink) and prompting bathroom breaks before lunch etc where the issues occur as he is further from a bathroom.

We did provide those vibrating watches but two were lost in school when they were taken off for PE and one was confiscated as the buzz distracted other kids 🙄

I would look at a referral to the continence service. In some areas, you can self refer.

An intimate care plan should be in place.

Turns out, not going into school has resulted in him being told to get himself changed and clean himself up as apparently there was not a member of staff available to help.

I cannot self-refer to the continence service, so will need to go through the GP. I am also booking an appointment with the head regarding being told to change himself.

Ge was upset this morning and didn’t want to go to school. He is blinking repeatedly, which seems to be a new stim behaviour.

Even with a diagnosis my DC didn't get an EHCP. The SenCo was totally against it. Like you OP, my DC was doing well academically. It was behaviour issues that got me called in on numerous occasions. Your DC is seeing a paediatrician so it's not a case of simply not toilet training. I really feel for you. It's rather cruel to make a child clean themselves up at that age. You need a meeting with the school and bash this out otherwise you'll get a school refuser.

Your poor DS. If you haven’t already, send an email setting out what happened when you didn’t go in.

@WeAreNotOk did you appeal?

EHCPs are based on needs, not diagnosis. A diagnosis isn’t required. Neither is the support of the school.

My DH wants a meeting with the head (he is due to fly home from a series of meetings tomorrow evening), so we will be requesting a face to face meeting. If this does not have a positive outcome for my DS, we will follow the formal complaints procedure.

If needs be, we will look at options for another school; ideally one with a decent SENCO!

Even if you have a F2F meeting, you should send an email so you have a paper trail should you need it at a later date (e.g. you make a complaint in the future or for an EHCNA request).

I'm really sorry. I think they have failed in their duty of care and safeguarding of your son. Agree with points above regarding paper trail plus meeting with the HT. Is the saguarding lead someone other than the SENCO?

Support is not about a diagnosis, but needs, and they are failing.