EBSA - new school / rigid thinking on old school help

[angelofmydreams1981]

Support welcome - I have used AI to pull it together coherently .

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some advice or hearing from others who’ve been through something similar.

My daughter is autistic (PDA profile) and currently experiencing EBSA. She hasn’t been in school for about 4 weeks and has significant anxiety around school, including physical symptoms like stomach pain.

She’s currently at a mainstream prep school and we’ve been looking at transition to senior. However, it’s becoming clear that the senior environment is unlikely to be able to meet her needs, and we’re concerned it would be too high pressure for her.

We’ve started the EHCP process, but it won’t be finalised in time for September.

We have identified an alternative school that is much more suitable, and she’s done taster days there where she actually engaged really well and said she enjoyed it. So we know she can access education in the right environment.

The difficulty is the transition. She is very attached to her current school and friends and is now saying:

• she doesn’t want to move

• she will “force herself” to go back even if she feels unwell

• she “won’t go anywhere else”

It feels very much like anxiety and need for control rather than a true reflection of what she can manage—but it’s very intense.

We’re trying not to push too hard (as that escalates things), but we also know staying where she is isn’t sustainable.

Has anyone navigated something similar?

In particular:

• how did you handle the transition without triggering full refusal?

• did your child initially reject the new school but then settle?

• any tips for keeping friendships going through a move?

• anything you wish you’d done differently?

We’re also about to go on holiday, so trying to park things for now and come back to it calmly.

Thank you so much—this feels like a bit of a tightrope at the moment.

Lots have a waiting list, unfortunately.

I appreciate you may not want to, but if you say where you are based, people might have suggestions. Or do you want someone online?

Warwickshire - can travel though :)

I’ve tried several including online :(

Have you tried Dr Sasha Hvidsten?

What about Dr Samana Haider in Solihull?

Further afield/online, you could try Dr Maite Ferrin, Dr Gloria Dura-Vila, Dr Osman Malik and Dr Richard Soppitt. I don’t know what their waiting lists are like at the moment. The benefit of these are it will help with the EHCP.

Thank you. Tried most of them but not Samana or Richard. Have you any personal experience ?

I have found someone in Gloucestershire for end of April online (got email yesterday evening) would love a face to face if possible. I’ve tried about 20 others all over the country!

I don’t have personal experience of them, but I have seen good reports from all.

You could also try Dr Minnie Joeseph, Dr Ana Tsakiri and Dr Nireeja Pradhan if you haven’t already.

What type of school is the alternative?
independent mainstream are killers for Sen kids especially pda as they are unwilling to flexi the rules. However it does depend solely on the head understanding or not of ND.

You are going to have to go along with your child’s thought path. If she is dead set of the old school I can’t see the new one working. Equally, she is unable to cope due to environment and people which are fundamental to pda kids.

You need to make sure 100% the head is ok and onboard number 1 and the senco can deliver the adaptations she needs. Without those two things it could potentially fail.

Depending on the type of school id be having meetings with the head but if it’s another independent prep do bear in mind if they are just trying to get your money and not support your child.

Good luck pda is something else (I do have a child with pda out of school) but independent mainstreams are dropping like flies and need all the cash they can get and not necessarily supporting children!

Good luck

Sorry just re read it - I’ve seen multiple independent mainstreams yes I’ve got a gang of children however one independent mainstream has only been inclusive to ND. Also, even with an EHCP with a named independent on section I of an EHCP it really doesn’t matter. It’s whether the child can cope or not and whether the school can implement change or not (or whether they want the tolerate the effort or not) . I suppose it depends on how flexible or not the head is ….. as independent mainstreams with or without an EHCP can terminate the contract quickly if they don’t fit the jelly mould of their school (however schools now are not so fussy as they just need the cash so will hang on to a pupil who they would normally terminate the contract) as ultimately they need the cash

Hello thank you the senior school of our prep school has zero flex and cannot accommodate her - it’s clear.

the second school is a small provision with many kids with SEN and EHCPs that’s where I’d like her to go - she’s set on staying in her current prep (that she isn’t attending) to go the senior school. I will have to persuade her on the new Independant - much smaller classes and they will be able to cater for her / or most of her needs.

Good luck! Hope the termination date is correct as you defo don’t want to be paying for a school that you don’t want to attend (we had to give notice before Easter hols. I suppose it will become clear in your daughters mind if she is unable to go back to school after the Easter break that she will be unable to attend the senior school that might make it easier for her to accept the next school.

Make sure the new school can defo deliver what will be in the EHCP plan as you don’t want to be trying to go to a school which they can’t deliver what’s in the EHCP. (Like if the OT and salt if they said 10 sessions per term for 45 mins when will that happen in the new school timetable and do they have physical space for that therapy in the school)

Advocates tread with care. I have used one but she missed certain forms which delayed the tribunal in the end I just stopped using her (as she was asking for more cash and she was time poor / on holiday lots and delayed us by one year :-( by her poor judgement (but she was highly recommended) Don’t pay upfront for a single advocate - I’d try and go for a company then if they are sick / on holiday the company will still be working with you.

Pda (if diagnosed and in the EP report etc) specialist school not many will take children with the diagnosis of pda. Do think about online schools too if your daughter isn’t able to go to the new school.

Also do consider if your daughter isn’t able just burnt out too.

Good luck it’s really hard hope you enjoy your hols

Also if the Psychiatrist will offer the anxiety meds will your child actually want to take them? (We had that hurdle and refused the meds after the apt 😩) it’s good to have psychiatrist follow up letter for your bundle pack too :-)

Thank you .. PDA is mentioned … it’s almost traits of no formal diagnosis - clearly she’s had several years in a school that’s academically tough going… we could be at burnout too. She’s been better at home. Who knows the way forward, interesting many specialist won’t take PDA. She has never displayed any demand avoidance IN school clearly now going to school is not happening, we are away now. It’s all so stressful. She loves her friends and her peer group. So I feel like she needs a peer group who are similar but it’s also clear she does mask to some extent around them but they are all so so important to her. Yes she will take tablets with yogurt so that’s the way I would plan to administer it - she is fully aware - watches me put the tablet in etc.