On the surface I know that this isn’t an unreasonable point of view but the situation is complicated and I’m at a loss to how to support DS12 whose mental health is really suffering.
DS is AuDHD and has has EBSNA which means he hasn’t been in mainstream education since November 2024. This is hugely upsetting for him as he just wants to be with his friends and to be ‘normal’ but he can’t cope in the environment. After a long road we’re coming to end of an EHCP application and putting together a package for him to be educated outside of school by tutors and mentors. This doesn’t solve the social element though which is a huge worry as DS is feeling isolated.
he has a strong group of friends from primary, many of whom he has known since nursery, and we are close with most of the parents so have been able to facilitate him staying friends with many of them and he’s still invited to birthdays etc. the main contact though is gaming which is a lifeline as generally means he gets to have interaction every day.
there is one boy (I’ll call him LS for little shit) who has been an issue since primary. He seems to have a cycle of being friends, isolating a person, getting other people to isolate them successfully, then withdrawing for a bit, coming back, making friends and everything being ok for a bit before it happens again.
this has been DS a couple of times and it’s currently happening again, eg yesterday three of them were gaming and he got the other boy to drop off and mute DS while they went into a private game together. He’s unfriended DS on the PlayStation and hasn’t responded to messages asking why.
because this is DS’s only way to socially interact this is having a huge impact on him. I’ve told him to ignore him, don’t rise to it, etc etc but it’s absolutely breaking my heart to see him so down. They are Y8 and I know as time goes on it will be harder to maintain these friendships anyway, so having someone behave like this on a regular basis is taking it toll.
LS clearly has home issues - his dad is widely known as an arsehole on his street, his older brother is also a nasty bully, and DS hears the dad shouting and sweating at his sons and wife on calls, so there is clearly a reason why he’s behaving like this.
what can I do? When this previously happened (and got much worse) I did step in and contact the mum who I know a bit (and who seems lovely!) as DS was in crisis at the time, but ultimately it didn’t help because LS got wind and made it even worse for him.
if this was coming through school we’d obvs have other ways of intervening, but I’m struggling to know what is appropriate here.