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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

Mind is a blur. New shock diagnosis + National Offer Day yesterday

33 replies

NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 04:11

This was not on the cards AT all, just didn’t see it coming. I must have been so blind - how could primary school have not said anything??

Very long story short…National Offers Day yesterday and we got our first and only choice, the local comp. DD passed the 11+ but due to significant trauma at a previous primary school, we wanted her to be with friends that support her and have her back & is closer to home.

24 hrs later: a Prescibing Practitioner & ‘family’ specialist from the council recommended by school have both today come to the same conclusion that DD has Autism and Adhd.

She’s going to be assessed by CAHMS imminently.

I have no issue with this at all but am now massively concerned that she is about to start Year 7 in a school that is so wrong for her. ☹️

Where do I even start with all of this please?
I’m the worst mum. How could I not see it?

Paperwork? Assessments? Meetings - with who? Choose a more suitable school?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 14:47

Jiddles · 04/03/2026 12:09

I feel for you but I think you are over-reacting. A label, especially one given by a practitioner possibly not suitably qualified to make diagnoses, does not change your daughter's needs. Go ahead with her place at the school where she has friends to support her, but ask for a meeting with the SENDCO before she starts, and explain matters fully (don’t just present them with the label). Any further needs she may have can be addressed further down the line, as and when / if they emerge.

Edited

I absolutely do over-react as a symptom of my C-PTSD.
I have been conditioned to shout to get acknowledged, heard etc and I am still learning and having to re-learn how to function properly and take care of myself. Thankyou for the advice; I will make an appointment to go into the new school and have a full-disclosure conversation.

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Original poster
NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 14:53

StillSpartacus · 04/03/2026 12:36

Something I would add is that friendship groups change a lot in year 7. Although she may be feeling glad right now that her friends are going to her next school with her, they will likely be in different forms and classes and will make new friends. As part of your planning for her transition, I would make sure that she isn't too dependent upon her primary school friends. The SENDCo may be helpful as they will have seen it all before and may be able to help.

She makes friends so easily, she’s conversational, engaging, has so many after-school activities that she only has one day a week free so friendship-group wise we aren’t too worried but thankyou, you are absolutely right to bring this up.

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ExistingonCoffee · 04/03/2026 16:22

I would clarify because saying both are present is not quite the same as formally diagnosing both.

EHCPs are based on needs, not diagnosis. A diagnosis won’t change whether an EHCP is required or not. DC can have an EHCP without being diagnosed with anything. Conversely, not all with a diagnosis need an EHCP. Most DC with SEN do not have an EHCP.

TeenToTwenties · 04/03/2026 18:01

However a correct diagnosis will help with understanding needs and potentially for eg counselling.

Original poster
NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 18:38

She came home from school today, had a meltdown in the car, I let her get it out her system, she was saying everything has been too much, she’s overwhelmed, she feels depressed and has felt like this for a long time. She said speaking to all these people is too much for her already.

I deliberately didn’t mention anything to her to ensure she felt ‘safe’. She said she was sorry for kicking off, I said she has nothing to apologise for.
☹️

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Thegladstonebag · 04/03/2026 22:18

NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 14:43

Had to google ‘MDT’ ☺️ She definitely said to all of us (Me, DH & DD) that both are present. She asked us if we had any questions, to which I replied about my concerns that I feel there may be an overlap of trauma personality, to which she told me in front of DH and DD that I was in denial.

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She cannot diagnose and her response to you in front of DD in particular was unprofessional.

Original poster
NewtoAuDhd · 04/03/2026 22:27

Thegladstonebag · 04/03/2026 22:18

She cannot diagnose and her response to you in front of DD in particular was unprofessional.

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She rang me later on, told me to make a 1-2-1 appointment, just me, so I could try & understand it more clearly.
Once she had stopped talking about another child and their welfare…she had their notes in front of her apparently.
I need to speak with some proper professionals don’t I? I will at the very least speak with her new school as suggested x

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Original poster
NewtoAuDhd · 05/03/2026 09:28

ExistingonCoffee · 04/03/2026 16:22

I would clarify because saying both are present is not quite the same as formally diagnosing both.

EHCPs are based on needs, not diagnosis. A diagnosis won’t change whether an EHCP is required or not. DC can have an EHCP without being diagnosed with anything. Conversely, not all with a diagnosis need an EHCP. Most DC with SEN do not have an EHCP.

Thankyou for this. I am new to all of this so was unaware that EHCPs are based on needs, not diagnosis. I have a call with DD’s current Head soon, and have booked in a call with the SEND team at her new school for a few weeks time.
So many questions I don’t know the answers too.

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