What do you all do on the weekends?

[Newsenmum]

I’d love to hear about your weekends - however varied they are. Sometimes I worry about what we’re doing (or not doing!) especially as many parents around where I live seem to have their days full of activities- dance classes, football matches, frequent days out to big adventure parks, birthday parties. So many holidays.

My weekends feel like groundhog day. So often the same. Kids awake around 3-5am (nightmare sleepers - that’s another thread). We are all in various states of bedhopping and watching tablets and tv. Various sorts of meltdowns and squabbling (this morning my husband walked down stairs ‘wrong’) so that took a while. Finally got us out to our local playground around 10am after a very long morning. Extremely mixed. Back home for lunch. Youngest naps. Afternoon in garden as sun is finally out and attempting to do some chores and - wait for it - more screens. :/ I feel so guilty and also bored to tears, but there are so many places we cant go to especially to meet both needs. Im also genuinely exhausted and school child also needs a break from the week.

I had such a busy childhood in comparison.

We have quite structured weekends. DSs don’t cope without the structure and routine. Everything goes on a whiteboard in the kitchen. As you will see, my DC need a lot of sensory input and activity.

This morning DH took DS2&3 to a sports club. While they were there, DS1 had some provision from his EOTAS package.

When DH, DS2 and DS3 returned, we had lunch. Then DS1 napped, and I took some cardboard to the recycling centre while DS2 played in the garden (trampoline, football and adult climbing frame) with his friend and DS3 went on the sensory swing and used some of the other sensory equipment we have.

DS2 and friend them went on the Xbox. DS3 played with and monologued about Lego.

When DS1 woke up, he played with some of the sensory equipment we have.

We had dinner. Not long after, we started the evening routine. DS1 is now in bed (not asleep), DS2 is stomping around moaning about coming off the Xbox and DS3 is getting ready for bed.

How is he with just playing? For mine he likes it so structured like 5 mins trampoline, 10 mins running around garden, 5 minutes doing something else. It’s exhausting.

DSs can’t manage free play without adult direction. Unstructured free play, even with adult support and direction, is very limited.

For example, when I say played with Lego. DS3 built a set following the instructions. He didn’t and never would free build from imagination. When DSs play in the garden or use sensory equipment/toys, they will hop around activities/equipment, often in a set order.

A lot of the time with the activities I mentioned, DSs are fine at longer blocks on each activity now than they were when younger.

It has changed over time due to children's ages and changing interests, but my husband is autistic, so he never did or will do 'fun' or outings. He either does work-work, usually 1 of the 2 days, and 1 day DIY, admin chores, gardening etc. I usually spend Saturday driving kids to their activities and Sunday morning chores like cleaning, shopping etc. and Sunday afternoon school/homework (kids are home schooled and younger one needs a lot of 1:1 tuition). I used to work all weekend but now changed jobs, so usually drive kids on Saturdays to their clubs/orchestra and wait there. We are leaving at 8.30 for son, it's 40 minutes drive, drop off, wait in carpark with a Greggs take away until 12noon, drive home, drop him off at another club closer to home (husband will pick him up on foot at 3.30pm, they'll walk home with the dog for a bid of excercise), get daughter in car, drive again 40 min to town for orchestra and violin lessons, wait for 3.5 hours in foyer while they practice (she doesn't like me leaving, but I sneak out for a 20 min brisk walk around the block while she doesn't notice), drive home, stop off at supermarket, do weekly shop, be home at 7pm. Dinner. Bath. Bed. Sunday morning a little sleep in, followed by washing kitchen floor, laundry, dusting and/or gardening. Then 2 to 3 hours tutoring/home ed with son. Followed by any admin. Kids just game/chat online/play music/watch youtube or a movie (often with a friend on the phone)/veg. Daughter usually does homework on Sundays independently. Husband and children, especially daughter, would meltdown if we went into town/museum/theme park/cinema/had friends or relatives over etc. Every weekend is pretty much identical. It's a bit samey, but no stress. Kids are very easygoing as long as we don"t try to force them to have fun. E.g. Last year I tried to persuade everyone to come for a walk and afternoon tea for mothers day - absolute disaster. Then I tried an outing to Christmas market in December. Again absolute meltdown and divorce threats. Family holidays also have been abandoned. I do take my son on my own, though, to travel and he is a good backpacker. I can go with my husband 1:1 to a local restaurant on Friday night. And my husband can sometimes take my daughter 1:1 to something active like paddle boarding. But there is no way we can do something as a family together.

It sounds like youre doing a great job! I would love to get my oldest into some kind of activity but yet to find something.

What age did they start to get better at it?

DS2 was pre-teen. DS1&3 were early teens, I would say. It is only with certain tasks/activities, not everything. With DS1 it also depends on the day/time.

My son's Saturday am club is simply gaming, so it wasn't a stretch. They do a bit of coding, but it's mainly gaming, but I still think it was a good first step for him to game next to other kids rather than alone, and he has made a couple of good friends there. One of the instructors/supervisors at the gaming club then almost 2 years ago introduced him to Dungeons&Dragons, and that was the big game changer. He was absolutely desperate to play and then by pure chance a group of kids put up a notice in a cafe around the corner from us looking for others to play D&D. They've now, for the last year, been meeting up twice a week for almost 3 hours each time in the cafe's basement to go on their D&D campaigns, age range from about 10 to 18, youth led, and they chat and plan their campaigns online during the rest of time. Very ST Hellfire Club vibes and nothing I'd ever envisaged for my super sensitive ASD/ADHD/Dyspraxic 10 year old to get stuck in. I guess you have to get out there for random chances to happen as you never know what really is your thing until you try it. My daughter doesn't freely choose orchestra. She loves music and spends a lot of time playing and composing, but only tolerates orchestra, she plays in county and national YO. But until she comes up with a better group-out-of-the-home alternative she has to do it as I believe that she'll never make real life friends/find something that suits if she doesn't go out at all, and even if she doesn't love it, it's important for her to learn just to tolerate being in a loud, noisy bright room with many others and to perform in front of strangers. They don't go to a physical school, so at least 1 club each was non-negotiable when we decided to offer them home schooling as an alternative to their school. But while they were still at school, we didn't do anything on the weekends as they were too tired (they were day pupils at a boarding school, so there was always a lot to do, but especially my son didn't enjoy any of it and was absolutely miserable).