So worried about ds 3.5 and finding a school

[Devilsmommy]

Apologies if this is long, never posted on the Sen board and this is the first time of putting all my worries into words. My DS is 3.5 and has been delayed with his speech since the beginning. He's still pretty much non verbal though his understanding is great. He's currently on the waiting list for assessment due to the speech delay and also his many sensory issues especially regards to food. His diet is so restricted but I can't get a dietician to see him because he's not visibly malnourished iyswim. He goes to a childminder 3 days a week and has done since he was 23 months. As times gone on it's getting more and more obvious that he's nowhere near the level of his peers with his behaviours. He's started having such meltdowns which in part I think is the frustration at lack of communication but he's now getting so worked up if he's hyper focused on something and has to stop. To the point where he's lashing out by bumping the other children. He used to do 4 days there but the childminder had to drop a day because her assistant isn't there that day and she just couldn't handle him on her own. It's got me so worried about school. Thankfully he doesn't start til September 27 so I've got time to try and get things in ace but I'm just so worried that if he has to attend a mainstream he's just not going to handle it. But then if he's not got a diagnosis before then, what is the likelihood of me securing a place at a specialist school? My childminder is absolutely wonderful with the help she's giving me, applying for an ehcp but is there anything I should be doing to expedite things. So sorry for all the questions but if anyone can help with advice it would be so much appreciated. TIA

Unless the childminder is going to request an EHCNA ASAP, you should apply yourself. Although DS doesn’t start school until September 2027, you need all the time you can get. IPSEA has a model letter you can use on their website.

EHCPs are based no needs, not diagnosis. There are some ASD SS who require a formal diagnosis but not all SS do.

Has your CM approached any outside agencies for advice? If she needs more funding in order to support DS, has she applied for early years inclusion funding? If DS is in receipt of DLA, is she receiving disability access funding?

Check if your LA has specialist early years assessment places for those going through or needing to go through the EHCNA process. Some LAs do, some don’t.

Complain about the refusal to support DS’s eating difficulties.

@ExistingonCoffee thank you so much for your post. Yes, the childminder has applied for funding for him whilst he's there, that's in motion. Thank you for the ehcp advice, I will start it myself using that IPSEA template letter. Will also check my LA's requirements for those things you mentioned. Who would be the best place to complain to about the lack of support with his eating because though the GP did a referral, the hospital dietician is the one who rejected the referral? Apologies for all the questions but it seems like you 100% know your stuff and this is exactly what I needed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart😊

Start with a complaint to the hospital trust running the dietetic service. If that doesn’t work, you may also want to complain to your ICB.

If you want, you could also request a referral elsewhere.

And you could request a referral to paeds specifically about DS’s eating. This is likely to be a shorter wait than the wait for an ASD assessment even if it is paeds who also assesses for ASD in your area.

Ok brilliant, thank you. Im sure it will be paeds doing the assessment because I went down the right to choose route and requested community paediatrics as was told that was the best way for my area. I can see I'm going to have a major fight on my hands and it's terrible that it has to be that way, especially when it's for a child fgs. Bless you for your help, I've got zero knowledge of what to do regarding Sen so thank you for helping me get to the right track😊

I could’ve written this a couple of years ago about my DS. As PP’s have said, definitely look into getting an EHCPs, this will help him at school, and also help you get the right school for your child. If he does need a specialist placement, he will need an EHCP to be considered for one. If you can afford to, pay private for things where you can. We paid to see a private paediatrician, because the wait was 2 years + on the NHS, and at the time we were so lost and had no direction, we didn’t want to wait over 2 years for answers. She definitely helped us understand him more and answered a lot of questions, (and created new ones). But felt we had a lot more direction. We also paid for private speech therapy, which if you can afford to, is worth doing. Our DS was seen every fortnight for around an hour, and he came on so much with his speech. She has also been great at helping me navigate the EHCP process. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that the local authority will take private recommendations in EHCPs. In terms of schools, you do get a feel for the right school, make sure you ask about SEN from the beginning. Our DS is in reception and is on a part time timetable and they have him on a 1:1 unofficially and really have been great.
Going through this with my DS has made me realise how broken the system is. It is a huge learning curve for parents going through this. Good luck!!

LAs can’t lawfully refuse to accept independent evidence just because it is independent. And if you have to appeal SENDIST will consider all evidence.

@Applesandpears58 is the part-time timetable you decision because DS isn’t yet CSA?

What’s CSA?

Compulsory school age? No, schools decision, wasn’t our decision. We both work full time, luckily my job can be flexible, but still has been challenging, and we have highlighted this to school. He is starting to do some full days from after half term. If it was up to us, he would be in full time from the start.
I’m aware that LA legally can’t refuse to accept private assessments, but they make a case for choosing, in our case, NHS reports who had met my DS twice 6 months before they were asked to write a report for him. We didn’t formally appeal at this stage, as we were waiting to see what school could do and we’re aware we have potentially a long journey ahead of us.

@Applesandpears58 yes, Compulsory School Age. In England, which I presume you are, since you also mention EHCPs, that is the term after DC turn 5.

If you want DS to attend full-time, he can unless the school formally suspends. You don’t have to accept the school unlawfully informally, excluding DS. The school must not force a part-time timetable, informally exclude, or use a part-time timetable as a way of managing behaviour.

I mentioned CSA because if parents want to; they have a right to send their DC part time until they are CSA. But unless the school formally suspends, DC have the right to attend school full time if that is what their parents want.

Unfortunately, many have to appeal.

@Applesandpears58 thank you so much for your post. Unfortunately I can't afford to get anything he needs privately, I feel so guilty about it because have just been told it will be a 7 month wait for the speech therapist, by which point he will be 4. I'm gutted that I can't afford private care and have absolutely no way of getting the money for it either 😞 will definitely be starting the application for an ehcp because I'm terrified of how he's even manage in mainstream. Glad to hear that you have been able to get what you need for your little one 😊