What to do? Please help - problems with school

[MyTrivia]

My daughter is 6 and in year 1. She’s diagnosed with autism and she has a PDA presentation which means she burns out very easily.

She goes to a very small, independent school. Last year in reception, she had a wonderful year with an excellent teacher and she was happy and thriving. She did well and received exceeding expectations in her school report.

This year, she has moved into year 1 and is mixed with year 2. A few things are going on. The main thing is that there is a child in this class who should usually be in year 3 but because she struggles academically, she’s repeating year 2. This child bullies all the other kids and is very manipulative. She’s the adoptive child of one of the teachers at the school and it seems like she doesn’t face any consequences for the bullying. I mention her being adopted because I expect she’s had a tough time until she was adopted at 4 which probably is why she bullies.

Other parents have told me that various other families have left the school because of this child and because the school refuses to acknowledge her behaviour as bullying and indeed tells parents they are not allowed to call it bullying.

This child has now started upsetting my daughter and trying to exclude her - shes nice one day and horrible the next. Her dad and I feel we’re being fobbed off by the school. My daughter has become a shadow of herself, has started saying that she feels tired all the time and doesn’t want to go to school, has started clinging to me when we’re going to extra curricular activities.

We have so far not had a parents evening. The teacher of this year group was off with stress for most of last term (we received no communication about this until our kids were coming home telling us they had supply teachers). I heard that she starts to panic when parents evening is coming up. As a person, she’s lovely but she seems fragile to me. She says she’s monitoring my daughter and watching over her at break times.

I’m just feeling so sad because my daughter is losing all her confidence. Another child from year 2 was pinching her legs under the desk and my daughter felt that she had to just put up with it. Whereas last year, she would have told the teacher what was happening and would have been loud about it.

What should we do about this now? Last year, everything seemed to be perfect. My daughter is not going to be able to just move to another school because she burns out so easily.

what would you do?

Where I live, a lot of schools combine classes in situations like this. All of the independent schools in my area are struggling. And some of them won’t take kids with autism at all. We had one school say to us that they don’t take children who need any help with transitions!

If you don’t feel the class teacher is dealing with the situation, have you asked for a meeting with the head? If that makes no difference, you have limited choices. One would be to move her to another school. That may not be at an independent school and would be where a state school has a place in the year group. Or you could decide to educate her at home.

Yes we asked for a meeting with the head, class teacher and SENCO and the head wrote back to say that there was no need for a meeting because the class teacher could deal with it.

The state schools in our area are not oversubscribed in her year group - not many are full in fact.

But I worry that

1. There will be children with higher needs than dd has because she’s academic but she needs a lot of emotional support. I worry she would fall through the cracks and not be supported.
2. my daughter would burn out quickly in a big class.

OTOH there would be more children and she’d be more likely to find a good friend.

I thought hard about sending her to our local school which has a very good SEN reputation but they don’t have forest school and I think she’d miss that. It is also 2 form entry.

Forest school is usually just building a den in the school grounds or looking for bugs or leaves for a couple of hours a week. Could you not take her to the local woods and do the same in her spare time? State school might not be better, but at least you are then not wasting money and can spend what you save in fees on activities, tutoring, house deposit - whatever you feel your child needs. The bullying child probably has SEND needs, too, so there is usually little a school can do apart from offering the child more support.

The child who is bullying should be in the year 3 class, imo. The children in that class stand up to her and don’t accept manipulation.

The school should be ensuring everyone is safe. They should also be making reasonable adjustments for all DC’s SEN. However, it may not be bullying in the normal sense, which may explain why the school is reluctant to use that wording. That is not to excuse it, but from the school’s perspective, it needs handling differently.

When discussing things with the school, the focus should be on ensuring your DD is safe and her SEN is met rather than on the other child, the other child’s SEN and any consequences she may or may not receive. If you have tried to discuss this and you aren’t getting anywhere, I would look at alternative schools. You could also follow the formal complaints process.

Does DD have an EHCP?

Being educated outside of chronological year group isn’t rare these days. It isn’t always about academics.

My daughter doesnt feel safe though. So whatever they’re doing isn’t working.

Im sure the other child’s situation isn’t straightforward but she’s a lot older than some children in that class. She’s nearly 8 and what she tends to do is try to isolate people and control who they speak to etc. She also restrains people and pulls them off equipment. One of the other children in the class only turned 5 in August and her mum said that since this child has been spending all her time with her, her DD’s behaviour has become terrible.

Sorry, she doesn’t have an EHCP yet. The school said they were going to apply for one last term but they haven’t. Perhaps I should do it myself? However, I’m concerned that with an EHCP it might be more difficult to home Ed?

I didn’t say DD felt safe. I said the school should be ensuring everyone safe.

IMO you are focusing on the wrong thing by focusing on the child being educated outside of her chronological year group. DC being educated outside of their chronological year group isn’t rare. Whatever school DD attended, that could be the case. The then larger gap is the risk you run by attending a school with composite classes. Again, that could be the case in any school who had composite classes. The school’s organisation of classes isn’t something you will change. And even if the other pupil was the same age, it wouldn’t mean the school weren’t failing in keeping all safe.

I would request an EHCNA yourself. At the moment, an EHCP wouldn’t change your ability to EHE.

Yes I know - my point was that whatever they are doing isn’t working. My daughter is also getting pinched by another child and she just sits and takes it. Perhaps because she knows that this sort of thing is brushed under the carpet?

When we asked to have a meeting with the head and the class teacher, the head said this wasn’t necessary and the teacher can sort it out.

Not really sure how specifically focussing on my daughter will help - I asked if she could be moved away from this child which didn’t happen. . She was happy and thriving last year under a different teacher.

Focusing on your child will help because the school will, rightly, not discuss the other child, their needs, provision or any consequences they may or may not receive. Instead you focus on DD, her being kept safe and the provision she requires in order to meet her SEN. This will also help since the issue isn’t limited to difficulties with only one other child.

The school not keeping DD safe despite you raising the issues is why I suggested a formal complaint (&/or moving schools).

Well I certainly wouldn’t ask the school to discuss other children, of course.

I have three other children and whenever things like this happened to them at school, it was dealt with right away and everything went back to how it was.

I assume that nothing much has been done simply because nothing has changed for my dd. It’s also concerning to hear of other families leaving and the school don’t care.

I think you are right - I think we will end up having to move.

I assume that nothing much has been done simply because nothing has changed for my dd.

I don’t think you can automatically jump to this. The school may have acted but the support put in place not helped sufficiently or they may have set the wheels in motion for support from outside agencies. They may not have of course, but my point is you don’t know.