Autistic child fixation on classmate

[Bigcooklittlecook2026]

My 5 year old autistic boy, in YR mainstream primary with an EHCP, has a fixation on a classmate. Initially this other child was very warm and supportive to him from the start of September and he responded positively. Unfortunately his strong need for sensory input, as well as his social communication challenges mean he started to become rough with this classmate (poking, pinching, pushing, squeezing) from around December and as classmate has understandably withdrawn from him, he has amplified his attentions and seeks this child out.

It is horrendous. It's like this child is his special interest, and his fixation. He likes them, and has absolutely no idea how to be a friend to them. He has very limited to no empathy, a high pain threshold himself, and likely enjoys the sensation of rough play. He is confused and a little excited by strong adult responses (i.e. a telling off and an angry face).

School (and I) have done visuals, social stories to no avail. He has access to sensory activities and fidgets. They introduced a one-minute time out for him when he is rough with the other child, but all that has done is made him fixate on timers as well (he seems to enjoy the 'timer time'). It's challenging for the teacher to manage in a classroom environment - even in a small class as he is very quick with a poke or a jab - and he also seeks the child out at playtime. If I ask him what he has done at school today he says 'I must not push X'. He is verbal but communication is extremely atypical and not conversational (he's not an 'academic' autistic, although does engage to a limited extent in phonics because he likes letters). His verbalness and otherwise cheerful demeanour cover his profound autism.

We had an emergency ehcp and school have requested higher funding for him. He has TA hours at the mo but doesn't cover the whole day. Whilst he has been excessively 'touchy feely' with me, his mum, for many years, this was never a problem in preschool, so the safety issue of other children was never highlighted as a need in the original EHCP. Whilst we have always anticipated specialist provision for him at some point, I am concerned the placement will break down in the interim, with a reduced timetable / suspensions before we can get him into specialist. I work, have a mortgage to pay and another child to support, and cannot just withdraw him to homeschool. If this doesn't improve dramatically soon, I will obviously request a change of placement during the annual review, but that still likely won't happen until start of Y2 (unless - guess what!! placement breaks down).

School have brought in OT support to support the extra funding application and OT say 'they've never seen this before'. My research suggests fixations on peers are common in autistic children. Does anyone have any other ideas to help??

I've seen that a lot, both in children and adults in residential homes. Ultimately, the only thing that helps is to keep them apart. Could they be in different classrooms? I also never understood why schools have break time for all children at once. It would be so much easier to have breaks at different times for different groups of children who get along. We do things like that automatically in old people's care, but children are somehow magically expected to all get along and all able to do the same thing.

This is tricky to deal with and can be a short or longer term fixation.

Staff can try to record any “ negative” interaction covertly on a chart and this way they can hopefully track whether there is a reduction in response to any strategies they have tried.

STAR analysis might unpick any patterns Setting Trigger Action Result. Is he enjoying the child’s reaction, does it happen more on certain days or during certain activities?

In terms of positive interaction they could try PE hoops ( 2 colours) side by side on the floor with toys or bricks in each. Staff need to reinforce who is playing with toys e.g.Daniel, red hoop James blue hoop. Back this up with visuals and brief instruction or no language and refer back to the visual. I’d start with a different child and use photos ( on Velcro) on the chart. Once he gets the idea introduce the “ target” child and continue to reinforce.
At break time they can use a buddy system using volunteers from Y 5 or Y6 on a rota to support your child with activities.
At carpet time he needs his own mat with the other child sat well away. He may be on the carpet too long. Are they using First/ then or now and next?

They may need to introduce a visual with v clear consequence e.g. hitting X sad time
It”s OK if he likes the timer ( assuming sand timer) as this is calming and a distraction.

I’d check that staff are using consistent and reduced language backed up with symbols e.g.STOP, No touching, No nipping etc.

I’m not sure that the OT is the best professional to advise about this. Is she a sensory specialist? An SEN advisory teacher might be able to offer more advice.

Whilst Y1 can be tricky for many, the more structured environment may suit your child and there may be fewer opportunities for negative interactions, at least in the classroom, next year.

I know how worried you must be about the future. Try to get as many professionals to the interim review as you can ( via the SENCO) and reports from those who have observed him in Reception.

Sorry just to add I’ve seen you’ve had the interim meeting already.

Does DS’s EHCP include ongoing direct and indirect sensory OT provision from someone with SIOT training, qualifications and experience? Even with the qualifications there is a big difference between e.g. module 1 and module 4 of the Sensory Integration Network Postgraduate Modules. If the OT is out of their depth, someone else needs to be approached.

What about SALT?

Are the current TA hours 1:1?

Make sure the LA sticks to the timescales following the early annual review.

As long as the other child isn’t distressed as being around DS, during the current TA hours DS has now, has the school tried a structured activity/intervention with DS and the other child work together on something but separated by the TA? Would something like Lego therapy (it can be duplo) be beyond DS cognitively? If not, that might work.

You are right not to deregister and EHE. If you do that, the LA has less incentive to provide more support (and SS placement if that is what you want). It might help you to read the suspension and permanent exclusion guidance now just I n case so you know what should and should not happen. For example, a reduced timetable should not be used to manage behaviour.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

@Ilka1985 it is a one form entry school and only 20 in the class due to the low birth year and more primary spaces opening up in our town. So not really scope to move him. I think the class teacher and TA are strong and have a good measure of him.

@24Dogcuddler thank you. Yes every single interaction has been tallied up and this has been used to support the request to the LA for additional funding. They also to a tracker to see if there are any particular triggers (and we've been doing a mood diary at home). As of yet we've not been able to identify any, it seems purely opportunistic.

They are relaxed about his carpet time, they support him with fiddle toys and sensory things during it, but they do let him get up when he has had enough. He does enjoy some aspects of the carpet time and has made some academic progress with phonics, likes a lot of the songs they do in reception etc. There is usually a class TA keeping a close eye on him, and yes he's sat away from target child.

They've done lots of visuals, including one of the other child with their hand up in a 'stop' pose, with a big red cross on it.

I also agree OT not likely to be the best professional and yes she seemed out of her depth as she is going back to her team to ask their advice. She did however witness him going for this other child last week when she went to observe. The school also has a referral into the LA autism service and I think they are supposed to visit him at school soon. They also have a parent helpline which I plan to call this week.

@ExistingonCoffee there is OT in the EHCP but not specifically the sensory integration stuff. How would I get this added? School is likely to request a new EP report at some point, our first one was done in nursery/preschool and they didn't actually visit him. We basically told them what to write over a video call. I doubt the LA OT's are trained in sensory integration.

He has some SALT through the LA. This mainly takes the form of them visiting him once a term and setting targets.

The TA hours are 1:1 but they only cover the afternoons. As he was assessed in his nursery/preschool the challenging behaviour towards peers was not occuring in that setting. We set up the afternoon 1:1 provision to support him with toileting, as he used to struggle with that after lunchtimes, but he has actually much improved in this respect since starting school and is mostly trained now. And in the afternoons they also do phonics (which he is getting on well with considering his needs). His 1:1 TA is strong and he likes her. The rest of the time the class TA keeps a close eye on him.

They do do structured activities with him with other children (these are part of his thrive targets) and they generally go ok. The other child isn't destressed as such - obviously they don't tell me - but I think they feel the child needs space from him so don't include them in interventions. They do puzzles, colouring and outdoor play with him in small groups. He mostly tolerates the other children. TBH I feel this is as much as he can manage developmentally - when a child tries to engage him in a more neurotypically appropriate way it results in this rough and fixated behaviour.

I did not say in my OP but he has a second child he is fixated with and it is his older sibling. DS is really challenging towards sibling on the playground at lunch and will not leave sibling (Y3, no SEN) alone. If supervisors redirect him away from his sibling he just returns. He recites certain phrases at his sibling and tries to grab and push him. Siblings Y3 friends get involved and manhandle him away on the playground but he just keeps returning. Their relationship has really deteriorated. The school was slower to recognise this is a problem but are now bringing DS into a spare classroom for the last 20 minutes of lunch where he does colouring. He seems like he is happy and excited on the playground but his TA was finally able to observe him recently and was able to see that actually he is completely lost and overwhelmed and the other children have no idea how to handle him either. Last term he enjoyed their climbing wall (strong sensory input) but now it is too wet to use and his danger awareness is limited so him using it made the staff nervous. I hope with an increase in banding he can have some adult guidance on the playground too.

I had some hope he would be able to manage mainstream for longer, as the school very much is part of our community. But I think he is going to struggle with the expectations of neurotypical children for the rest of his childhood.

You can pursue SIOT via the review process. Sadly, many have to appeal and seek independent an assessment. Then, once the provision is worded correctly in F, the LA would need to use someone with the correct training/qualifications/experience even if that means commissioning an independent OT.

DS needs more SALT. Direct and indirect provision. You can pursue this via the review process too. It sounds like at least some of the behaviour is because DS is struggling with communication and the increased demands (cognitive, social, emotional).

For DS’s sibling, are they known to your local young carers service? Some people find Sibs helpful. Do they share a bedroom? If so, could you look at a disabled facilities grant.

@ExistingonCoffee Sibling is known to carers service yes although most of this provision happens in a nearby city and we are in a town that is actually closer to another LA. So, logistically not very helpful with two children and two working parents. Also, my older child really just wants time with his established mates (and to not be bothered by his brother) and will likely resent joining new groups with new children at the moment. This may change in time. I have looked at Sibs and the articles are good, I may pass him some details in time. One good thing is that the school plan to set up a young carers group (I told them to do this as part of the PINS project).

No, thankfully they do not share a bedroom. DS, being the younger sibling, has the box room that we have squeezed a queen sized bed into to manage his sleeping issues, a whole other thread. Our income is likely to disqualify us from the DFG although we will never be able to afford a loft conversion on our own salaries so not much hope there.

I will look into more SALT and SIOT, thank you. I absolutely agree he is struggling with communication and increased demands.

Just so you are aware, your income would not relevant to a DFG for DS.

Phonecall from school today - my child has an 'internal suspension' taken out the classroom for this afternoon because he has floored this child again today.
The school are putting another TA in the classroom from half term, and that's even without the potential additional funding we are trying to get from the LA (which I think would mean he has a full time 121).

I am in support of taking him out the classroom as it's clear he is unsafe around this other child and it is wholly unfair on them.

Thing is my child went up to their teacher this morning, drew a big cross and said 'I must not hit X'. He can pretty much repeat the social stories off by heart now. Something isn't connecting. He can't stop himself from doing this. Could it be OCD? I am beside myself.

I get that you must be worried. I don’t think he needs an additional diagnosis to explain the behaviour.

It is so common for a child to be able to say what is OK/ not OK or to recite the rules or a social story when calm with an adult. The ability to transfer this skill once he’s overstimulated, in a busy classroom and feeling impulsive is another matter.
If he likes being in a quiet room away from the hustle and bustle of the classroom, he’s learned how to access this.

I’m glad that they are looking at extra support. The 1 to 1 would be more valuable in the mornings when expectations are greater. If they can build in structured sessions followed by movement breaks/ outdoor learning/ time in the quiet room as a reward that might help.

Look at the book The Out of Synch Child has Fun. Lots of activities that can be used at home or school.
Might be useful for half term and you can share with school.

I don't think mainstream is meeting his needs OP and he is likely to become more and more isolated, spending more and more time separated from the other children. Can you talk to the school about getting him into specialist provision sooner rather than later? I don't know what steps the school has to take or what's involved but I think I'd start pushing for it now. I think it will suit him so much more.

I wouldn’t jump to OCD. Knowing something in theory is very different to being able to generalise the skill.

To give you an example, I have a teen DS. DS2 knows he shouldn’t climb on the school’s roof to get a football. He understands why. He can tell you he shouldn’t. Yet he still did it (more than once!) in the moment because his impulsivity took over. In that moment he couldn’t think rationally.

@24Dogcuddler @ExistingonCoffee @picubed thank you for talking me down. I was grasping at straws with the OCD thing and just trying to magic up answers to 'fix' things. He has been really unsettled this evening.

I think he is neurodevelopmentally unable to manage relationships with typical children beyond a very light aquaintence, and this may be the case for the rest of his youth.

At least this is what I have to tell myself, and not that he will grow up into a dangerous man with no empathy.

I will continue to push for additional support in the school and have started to book some tours of specialist schools.

It’s hard without knowing your child and seeing them in person but it sounds as though the environment as a whole is not right for him. He is totally overwhelmed with a mainstream playtime environment and probably the classroom too and that’s leading him to become disregulated. I have seen fixations on other students a lot and we tend to have to move one of the children to a different class. I understand this isn’t possible in this case but it’s highly likely that if this child leaves he would just transfer that to someone else as it’s a sign of him being disregulated and he’s telling you that he’s not happy. The social story won’t work in this situation- this isn’t a case that your child just needs to know what to do - a disregulated child is not able to make logical rational decisions based on their knowledge of the world, it’s just too much to expect. I would probably get an EP involved to really look at the whole provision from beginning of the day to the end and make some recommendations about what kind of provision would meet his needs. Get the ball rolling now. Like you say it’s likely that the school may say that they cannot meet need and that would leave you in a tricky situation especially if there is a lack of specialist placements locally. Getting an updated EP report and then asking the school to call an early review is what I would do. A SALT and OT report would also be helpful but costly if you are having to go private and imo the local authority ones don’t often contain much in terms of specific relevant recommendations for provision.

If you need independent assessments but can’t afford them, if you have to appeal, check if you are eligible for legal aid. If you aren’t, there are some charities who can help.

It sounds like he needs an alternative to the playground at lunchtimes, with suitable activities for him (e.g. indoor sensory). Did you say there was an emergency review? Have you had the outcome of that yet? You could appeal Section I and add more evidence.

The fact he can say “I must not hit X” is actually a big clue because this shows he knows the rule, he just can’t apply it when the other child is physically there.
I’ve seen similar behaviour with younger siblings of staff kids around school and it’s usually sensory + predictability. One particular child becomes the “focus point” because they react in a strong, consistent way for example voice, movement, facial expression and i think that’s a lot clearer to an autistic child than normal playground interactions which are chaotic and confusing. So he isn’t really seeking that child, he’s seeking the reliable reaction.
Something that sometimes works better than separation alone is giving him a specific adult led interaction right before playtime or transitions (like a short structured game, carrying equipment for a teacher, or a job he repeats daily). When children go straight from unstructured classroom to open playground their brain is already overloaded, and they latch onto the one person they can predict.