Feel I can’t cope with much more

[Nicunursemumof4]

I’m a mum of 4 (2,5,6,16) 6yo autistic.

life is miserable. I feel constantly on edge, doing my absolute best to be a good mum but I just feel I can’t cope anymore.

I love my kids more than anything, they are well fed, clean, have a nice home, I try to do activities with them, days out etc.

the last few months have become too much. My 6 year old boy is increasingly angry, it can be really unpredictable, I’ve looked for triggers but it’s happening all the time at home. He masks all day at school. It makes our home life hell, I hate coming home from work.

He screams in my face, actively refuses to do things, is destructive, absolutely flips out if I have to intervene if he’s doing something dangerous or destructive or getting a bit ‘wild’ where someone will get hurt.

The little ones join in with the crazy and are copying behaviour and talking to me in such a horrible manner.

I try role modelling how we talk to each other, redirection, firm boundaries, clear communication, distraction, using humour or silliness to aide compliance and have attended all the parenting courses I possibly can to see what else I can do.

I just can’t carry on. I stay calm for so long but in the end I shout, usually because it’s getting dangerous or destructive and I can’t just allow them to trash the house. I’m walking on eggshells.

Any help or advice is appreciated. I feel like the worst mum as I now dislike being around my kids.

Request a meeting with the SENCO. What support are they providing? What have they already tried that hasn’t worked? What outside agencies have they approached for advice? Does DS have an EHCP? If school life was easier, home life would improve too.

It sounds like you are looking for triggers only in the moment. Some triggers can be well beforehand. Like, in your case, school earlier in the day. That is the trigger.

Has DS had OT assessments? Including a sensory OT assessment? And a home OT assessment to look at making the house safer for DS and better meet his needs? Do you have any sensory equipment/toys at home? Does DS share a bedroom?

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Others find PDA strategies (including some reading The Declarative Language handbook) and/or non-violent resistance resources useful.

You could request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the disabled children’s team for DS. There may not be anything suitable, but it is also worth looking at you4 local short breaks offer.

See if Home Start can support you.

For your 5 and 16y/o, you could approach your local young carers services.