DS is about to turn 3 and will start school nursery in January. Until now, DH has been a SAHP with him. He goes to toddler groups / gymnastics / stay and plays etc every day which he loves, but he's never done anything like that alone.
I'm suddenly really worried. On one hand, he is extremely excited to be going to "school" but I do worry about how he will get on. He's currently on the assessment pathway for ASD.
Socially, he always wants to play with others but he doesn't often know how to engage. There's a few kids he'll play nicely with at groups but they do just seem to be on different wavelengths. At home he often says he feels sad because he wants more friends or he will keep talking all day about a very minor disagreement he has had with someone at a toddler group and getting upset.
Emotionally, I feel he is behind his peers. He reacts very strongly to things and is a bit more expressive (dramatic, has been suggested) than other kids his age. E.g. when he has to leave a place he really likes, or when there's a transition to another activity, he can become very upset. When leaving the school nursery after the visit he screamed the place down. Until recently I assumed this was standard toddler stuff but I've noticed parents with kids the same age often seem surprised at the strength of his reactions
At the nursery, the other children actually seemed quite alarmed by him crying like that. They generally came across as calmer. When we walked in they were sat having circle time quietly. I really have no idea what to do about this. As he is now, I can't see a situation where he won't throw himself on the floor multiple times a day crying, and I'm now worried this isn't in the realms of what a teacher would expect from this age group.
I'm particularly worried about the toilets. After some disastrous attempts, he is somewhat potty trained now. He generally remains dry day and night, and chooses to go to the potty himself, but he doesn't like going to the toilet when out and about. There's so much involved in going to the toilet himself that worries me.
- Physically getting onto the toilet. It's hard to let him practice this because they have the small ones at nursery and we do not. He physically cannot get himself up without help on our full sized one and we tried those ladders but he cannot climb up backwards and the whole thing scared him.
- Wiping. There is just no way he's going to get to a point he can wipe by January. He still struggles to get his trousers up and down, and he's practiced so much (I'm Dyspraxic and I suspect he is too but no referrals for that right now).
- He's had issues with constipation and often says he is scared about doing poos. He'll only be at nursery for a few hours a day, but there's times he wouldn't be able to hold it in. I can see him sitting there calling for them to come help him, and when they aren't able to directly help him, I can see him sitting there crying.
I had a bit of a freakout this weekend and perhaps pushed him too hard as he started talking about wanting his nappy back. DH gave me a good talking to, and things seem to be improving again now but I do worry I've made a mistake here in sending him to a school nursery especially as January gets closer.
It's a lovely setting and has a great reputation but it feels a lot like school to me. In fact, if he can manage this I honestly think reception will be a doddle. However, I don't know if I should have put him in a private nursery where there would have been more flexibility with potty training, higher ratios, less expectations for independence from the start. It's too late now though!
I'd love to hear experiences and also any small things I can do to prepare that I may not have thought of. E.g. it just occurred to me recently that the material of his uniform is going to be unlike what he usually wears, so I am going to be him some of the trousers and polo shirts so he can wear them now to get used to them as he does have a lot of sensory issues.