What are the chances? (iADHD)

[SwirlyShirly]

My 14 yo boy was (only this summer) diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. It all started with comments from teachers year 1 onwards ‘oh that’s because of his behaviour, lack of focus, lack of concentration’ basically his ADHD was missed, dismissed as poor behaviour until start of secondary school.

my question is my second son (7 years old, year 3) just had parents evening, same primary school as fist son, teacher commenting on ‘absconding from seat, difficulty maintaining focus, lack of concentration, chatting, sensitive’

i honestly always thought / had suspicions about DS1 being neurodivergent, I had concern with sensory issues, Arfid, hyper fixation on special topics.

Second son (and I know you shouldn’t compare children) seemed more ‘neurotypical’ and sort of highlighted concerns around DS1. But now teacher is raising concerns I feel like i might be missing less obvious signals from ds2. He is a beautiful, sensitive, gentle soul but I absolutely don’t want for him to have any potential diagnosis overlooked as much as Ds1’s was. But looking actively- there are some signs of sensory issues,
very limited diet, sensory disregulation e.g water, certain sounds, But to a limited extent.

DH2 is now approaching GCSE’s unmedicated, and with limited support educationally.

i suppose, as someone with undiagnosed inattentive ADHD myself (assessment dismissed as PTSD) what are the chances of having 2 neurodivergent children. I have said to Ds2’s teacher please monitor with a view to DS1 missed diagnosis. if he needs support I don’t want it to be missed.

Anyone else with no diagnosis themselves have 2 neurodivergent children? One suspected and one less so. Sorry I appreciate I didn’t really ask a question.

Having a sibling diagnosed increased the likelihood DS2 will also be ND.

I would request a meeting with the SENCO. Support in school is based on needs rather than diagnosis, so the school should be providing support now.

Teacher has said he will involve senco and monitor. He’s achieving targets as it stands, I don’t want to seem like I’m ’seeking’ or like I’m making excuses based on DS1 if just behavioural, but equally hearing the same themes again is jarring, and if there is an issue I don’t want DS2 to be in the same position as DS1 is now 7 years down the line. I feel so conflicted and exhausted. NHS diagnosis is no joke to go through.

It all sounds highly likely. We also were slow to see in our second child, who presented differently. Neither parent has diagnoses . . . But we do know we'd meet diagnostic criteria ourselves. ADHD is at least partly hereditary, not totally random!