Am I being oversensitive? SEN child

[MyChicGreyShaker]

So my child is severely autistic, it’s not something I discuss at length with everyone I meet (mainly because I’m usually chasing/ having to look after her!). But a lot of times I’ve discussed her needs or something particular with her care needs in relation to the autism, let’s say for example “X couldn’t go to ABC because of XYZ” like a particular sensory issue or something to do with her being non verbal etc, often people will say things such as “oh my child is exactly the same, that’s very normal at their age” or “ah all children can be like that though!” Relating to their neurotypical child or children- Type comments. It’s quite a bitter pill to swallow when my child is operating way below their actual age / doesn’t go to a mainstream school / cannot communicate effectively. It feels like they’re saying they don’t believe what we go through?

I really know I can be oversensitive when it comes to my child and their needs because I’ve had literally no help from family, the NHS, hardly anybody since she was born. I’m exhausted. Are people trying to make me feel better or are they undermining the struggle I’m going through and trying to minimise her / our struggles? I always come away from these interactions annoyed and I want to know if anyone else has this happen to them and if so do I just need to frame it differently in my head? Why do I get so sensitive over this? It genuinely drives me mad.

They're minimising because they don't know what to say.

My mum did this a lot (my child has different needs to yours though).

Who are these people - friends? family? school mums?

I had to reduce contact with my mum and sister for some years because their inimising was causing me extra stress. I prioritised spending time with people who did get it.

I mean you could have a bit of fun with it.

"Really? Oh, I didn't realise your child was autistic too! Where did you get the ADOS done? How's your EHCP coming along?"

Some people don’t understand or know what to say.

Although, with things like your sensory issue example, this is something you may not be aware of in other DC. Not everyone will discuss their child’s diagnosis/that they are awaiting assessment and sensory processing difficulties aren’t only related to neurodiversity. So they could genuinely mean that is the same as their DC. The ‘all DC like that’/‘normal at their age’ part can sometimes be parents in denial or they may not realise the level of sensory issues aren’t typical (you may think how can they not, but you would be surprised how many don’t).

Have you listened to the SEND mum club podcast? One of the mums in one of the recent episodes discussed this phenomena. Was really good to hear it put into words. Might be satisfying to hear

I’ve had this too and it annoys me yanbu
I don’t care what anyone says raising a severely autistic child is a whole different ball game compared to a neurotypical child. My daughter is also severely autistic, her dad works two jobs, she’s in mainstream a couple hours a day On a good day, my mom sister and other family work full time so can’t help out, I really wanted a big family ( 4/5 children) and was brought up around looking after baby’s/ younger children, nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for how draining it is to raise an asd child. I’m also now one and done. I don’t have a minute I’m not being jumped on, hit, punched in the face or just chaos everywhere and mess. It’s relentless, I babysat my nephew last weekend and I couldn’t believe the difference and ease & his parents always say he’s a nightmare lol so no I agree with you.