Obvious issues but school denying a problem - AIBU please?

[Lilyorange1]

Hi, I am 99 percent certain my daughter has autism. I could write pages of examples.

I have raised concerns at the beginning of term, (daughter is in reception). Teacher and senco said they will keep an eye. Then had a follow up meeting where school said she was fine just quiet, they have noticed no problems.

I go on to say how she's been struggling much more at home and started covering ears and regressing in some ways.

They then say she covers her ears and says it's too loud but the senco says this is just age appropriate?! Which is absolute nonsense imo.

After continuing to be pushy I find out she has been crying at playtime and p.e. - all times I said she's likely to struggle with. But no one had told me. And that she is staying in only one area of the classroom all day.

I really don't feel like they are looking out for her at this point and just keep saying it's all age appropriate despite all the background info I've given that shows this behaviour is actually her massively struggling.

AIBU to be annoyed please? How would you tackle this?

Hi,

My son is 5 and in year 1. He started reception with an autism diagnosis and I spent a reception being gaslit that his behaviours were normal for a 5 year old. He got his EHCP approved today.

sounds like she is masking at school. request a meeting and request a referral for Autism. Or your GP maybe able to refer but different in different areas.

you know your child!

I would request another meeting with the SENCO.

Did DD go to nursery? How did she cope there?

To some extent, being noise averse is age appropriate. It is why some young children dislike hand-dryers even if they don’t have additional needs.

Have you spoken to the GP?

Schools don't generally refer for ADOS. Speak to your GP. Research private services as waiting lists are long, although you could also try Choose and Book, and Caudwell Children if you're anywhere near Keele.

This is very area dependent. I'm some areas, a school referral is the most common pathway for ASD assessment.

I'm sure it is, but the OP's experience certainly doesn't suggest the school are about to refer her child, does it? So it is worth her finding out what the referral pathway is in her area - the GP will know this.

Thanks can I ask what helped you to push through the gaslighting?

She definitely masks, but her struggles are still evident I think. At pickup she is the only child I notice covering her ears (out of 60 kids), and she does that in the classroom too I'm told. And I helped on a school trip and saw her almost burnt into tears when it was time to line up in pairs. No teachers noticed. I think just because her struggles are quiet they aren't seeing them even when they are there.

I found the sendco so unhelpful, I don't have faith they will help there only input was to say that my daughter covering her ears frequently was age appropriate and she asked if we had tried ear defenders. That was the main contribution.a

And on the noise sensitivity, she's the only child I've seen coning out of school at pickup covering her ears out of 60 in the yeat. She does it when she is scared too.

Preschool was attached to her school. She never wanted to go but seemed happy enough coning out. She complained lots of tummy aches and missing us, which I think is often the only way she acknowledges feeling sad. It's frustrating because lots of her struggles (quiet, doesn't really interact with peers, eating non edible items, regularly crying at lunchtime transitions, frequent wee acccidents) were only mentioned at the end of her year or in a very minimized way and we have had to do lots of joining up dots to realise the struggles she has had.

I spoke to the GP once about her wee accidents and they were really dismissive so it's out me off but I can certainly try again. I can also go private for an assessment but my concern is that the school will still be a blocker for either of these if they are going to report that they see she has no challenges in school.

I was hoping the school would consider any reasonable adjustments before a concrete diagnosis,though perhaps that is naive.

Even if you found the SENCO unhelpful, you should request another meeting with her. You are going to need to work with her to support DD.

Support in school is based on needs, not diagnosis. You don’t need a diagnosis for support in school and a diagnosis won’t automatically equal more support at school.

Speak to the GP again too.

It was incredibly hard! We pushed for support Jon stop through reception and weren’t the most liked parents! We applied for an EHCP off our own backs.
school only started seeing our concerns at the start of year 1. It seemed to me they were only concerned when the national curriculum started instead of EYFS.