7 year old autistic burnout and school struggle

[Corilee2806]

I’m at the end of my tether and really need some advice from anyone who’s been through similar.

My almost 7 year old is autistic and also very bright (she was diagnosed privately earlier this year). We moved her to a new school at the start of this term because her previous school failed to support her, she was having daily meltdowns, tummy aches, and even said earlier in the year that she wanted to die. We hoped this new school would help her start fresh, but half a term in, nothing meaningful has been put in place.

We were told there would be an Individual Support Plan, but it still hasn’t materialised. The SENCO is nice but slow-moving, and everything feels inconsistent, some staff are great, others don’t seem to understand her needs at all. There’s been no formal plan, no structured emotional regulation support, and communication has been very minimal since the first week. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much. It is a small school.

after a positive start, mornings are again extremely difficult - panic, tears, saying she doesn’t want to go in. Some days she hasn’t managed to go. She can be ok once she’s in the classroom (typical masking), which makes it even harder to get anyone to take it seriously. At home she’s increasingly anxious, exhausted, and losing joy in the things she used to love.

We’re at the point where I’m wondering if keeping her home for a while might be kinder. I’m worried about her mental health deteriorating again, but I’m also aware schools and attendance officers can be difficult if you withdraw temporarily.

i don’t know what to do for the best. Feeling very alone and like no one gets it, but I just cannot see her go through what she went through earlier this year again, and I can’t see how school can work for her in the current system.

Chase the SENCO. In the meantime, request to meet with the class teacher.

If you haven’t already, request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

If DD can’t attend because of her mental health, the absences should be coded as illness, thus authorised. Personally, I wouldn’t withdraw and EHE.

I was all ready to request the ECHNA last week but the SENCO convinced me to wait until the end of term to gather evidence and that we’d have a better chance if the school do it. I can see that but in the meantime it feels like things are moving so slowly and I can’t see how she will be adequately supported in the meantime.

can I ask why you wouldn’t choose to EHE?

I would request an EHCNA yourself now. I wouldn’t let the school put you off.

It is easier, although not easy, to get support whilst remaining in the system. If you EHE, it is easier for professionals to sweep DD’s needs under the carpet. Crudely, at the moment, you are someone’s ‘problem’. If DD is unable to attend, the LA has a duty to ensure she still receives a suitable full-time education. Whereas, if you EHE, you relieve the LA of their duty. Also, if the LA knows or suspects you will continue to EHE if they refuse to assess/refuse to issue, then they have even more of an incentive to refuse.

Ok, that is useful to understand re EHE. I can see how it's harder if you're outside the system. We will just have to really hope her distress levels don't return to where they were a few months ago. I think we will have to do a parental EHCNA - I really wanted to work with the school positively especially after such a bad experience with her last one, but after half a term there's no formal plan in place, ADPR started or anything and I feel she is being deprioritised because there is not enough resource. She masks and is bright so I get it.

Request an EHCNA yourself. In the meantime, request to meet with the SENCO. If DD is unable to attend school full-time, the LA has a duty to ensure she still receives a suitable full-time education. This should be provided as soon at it becomes clear 15 days will be missed. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. And provision should begin by the sixth day of absence.