AudHD kids and weekends

[Le1985]

How do you cope?

I have 2 undiagnosed suspected AuDHD boys one I believe is combined (8) and has more classic ASD traits, one hyper more sociable with PDA traits (6). How does anyone make it through the weekend and stay sane? The main problem is the break in routine from school is so unsettling for them. It's like our house is reverberating with the angst. They can and do get along but they trigger eachother too. Week days they are happier...school holidays are also horrendous but OK once we've broken through about 4 or 5 days...I don't know if this is common?

Today 8yo woke up at 5:50am, I made him read so he didn't wake up 6yo hyper. Then 6:30am 8yo goes downstairs and puts the playstation on full volume, wakes up 6yo hyper. DH goes down, turns volume down, feeds them, and dealt with morning stuff, breakfast/drinks/dressed etc. Then I take over 8am and offer to do drawing with 6yo hyper...8yo joins in but then has a massive meltdown because he makes a mistake/triggered by 6yo hyper who is going totally off piste with activity...he in turn is then triggered by 8yo meltdown. Take 6yo hyper out for 1.5 hours for fresh air and give 8yo space. Get back and 6yo hyper clinging to me constantly, doesn't want to wind down in the slightest despite moaning while we're out that he's 'tired'.

Send DH out with them to get Halloween crafty things from The Range...come back and they want to open everything/do everything immediately. Googly eyes all over the floor and these irritating magnet things they won't play with go everywhere. DH sits with 8yo for a long while doing puzzles and crafts until 8yo tired, he's done a small bit of everything but not finished anything. 6yo hyper can't focus on anything at all. Eventually get 6yo hyper making bracelets but none of the beads I have are 'right'.

Try to put on Robin Hood but it's 'boring'. 5:30pm fight about who is playing on the playstation, 8yo another meltdown. In between all of this is, I am just picking up after them, turning off lights, picking up soiled clothes from the bathroom, responding to constant 'im hungry', 'im thirsty',...even though I've fed them meals they won't eat despite things they like. I make drinks and it's the wrong drink...it's just so 😫 exhausting.

I don't know what I can do to make it easier. If 8yo has a moment of not knowing what to do he starts to spiral into a panic. I try so hard to break up the day with different things but it just feels so stressful and angsty all the time. I see other parents doing nice things but instead I'm just wrestling with this continual discontentment and it's really draining.

We manage weekends with a lot of structure and routine, lots of sensory input, dividing up and, for two DSs, a huge amount of physical activity - far more than you think is necessary.

Do you have a timetable so DC (even if it is only for the one without PDA traits) can see the plan for the day and when everything will be happening?

Could you look at more physical activity and sensory input?

Can one of you get up with DC as soon as they go downstairs? So things like the volume aren’t a problem to start with.

Would only getting out/buying one activity at a time help?

Some people find the Out of Sync Child and The Explosive Child books helpful.

Thank you - yes we were just talking about having a really structured timetable for our 8yo would really help.

Half term is really daunting as not every day is the same and can't be because of work schedules etc..but we will try to get something together for each day.

Thank you I will have a look at these books. A lot of our energy is put into the hyper PDA one and then we have nothing left by the end of the day and the older one does suffer from this.

You have my solidarity. My AuDHD child was exactly like that at 6-8 and your post made me chuckle as it was so accurate and well-described.

I did manage to train DD to go no higher than specific volume numbers and used to check that devices were on those before going to bed (she wouldn't generally turn them up, but absolutely would not notice if they were loud).

DD seems to find trampolines very regulating. Our neighbours have a large one and the kids spend hours and hours on it.

She also likes water and will stay in a swimming pool until she's gone wrinkly.

Time passing is the only thing that really works.

Stay away from Hobbycraft though. That place is the Devil's work!

It's good to know you've lived and breathed it and survived! I've contemplated a trampoline, 6yo hyper loves going on those large bowl swing things in the park. We all have to be quiet when he's on one and he wants to be pushed for ages and ages I think he finds it helps him regulate. I think the hardest thing is the discontentment and they're so often looking for a dopamine hit every few seconds, it's just exhausting to watch and seems to be a torment to them as well. They are on a diagnostic pathway but it takes a long time. I will see at that point whether medication is something we feel is right but in the meantime, they do have a lot of growing to do. They're very bright boys but it's like their intelligence is completely misaligned to their emotional maturity and ability to regulate and, to some extent, socialise.

Definitely look at increasing the amount of exercise and sensory input.

You could also look at your local short breaks offer.

We avoid taking DSs to shops. Two of them can’t cope in shops at all.

Yes, shops are bad.

DD went absolutely nutso in the Co-op yesterday. I had to get cash out and she was snatching at the banknotes and dancing round the place with them.

I honestly thought at 12 she could handle a grocery top up shop, but no.