DS school refusal

[Pearl241]

My Ds is 10 in year 5. He will go into school reasonably happily most days, but once a week (sometimes less sometimes more) will become extremely distressed, will go into fight or flight mode will become angry and try to run away. I have to physically restrain him to get him into school. He is so disregulated and angry he behaves in a way he normally wouldn’t, punching and kicking doors and furniture. The last occasion this happened he was so bad that it took him until after lunch to join his classroom as once he calmed down (after I left) he refused to do any work or go into the classroom.

For context he is very dyslexic, is around 2-3 years behind his age in reading and writing and is struggling with not enough support. I have had an ongoing battle with the school for him to get more support but he is still receiving the bare minimum. One positive is that he reads 1-1 most days at school but other than that he receives no extra help or intervention. He can be so overwhelmed when he comes home from school his behaviour will be quite challenging. On days when he has had PE or art for example he will be calmer and a lot happier after school, so I think he needs more time to do things he finds easier.

My question is do you think it would make things worse to keep him at home on the days he’s really struggling. It can take me 2 hours of chasing him around the school gates to get him in and once he’s in he is too overwhelmed to benefit from any learning. I have always persevered and got him to school against all odds, but this Monday I kept him at home as he was very emotional, and he has happily gone in to school Tuesday and yesterday which makes me think sometimes he just needs a rest day.

I am fighting the school for more support and don’t really know where to go from here..

I wouldn’t be physically restraining DS into school. That is likely to cause further trauma. DS isn’t benefiting from being forcibly taken into school those days.

What support is the school providing? What have they already tried? Has DS had an ed psych assessment? What about SALT and OT? Does DS have an EHCP?

No your right, he becomes distressed at the school gates and then with the teachers watching I feel under obligation to get him into school but I am not comfortable in continuing to do so.

he has had an EP assessment that we arranged and paid for ourselves the report has only just come through and I’m waiting for the school to put extra support into place. They have always said he’s fine once he calms down but I believe he masks a lot at school and struggles without speaking up. He enjoys some aspects of school as he is sociable and has a good group of friends but because he of his academic struggles the classroom can be very overwhelming for him. No EHCP yet, I am asking the school for this (happy to apply myself) the EP said the school need to be collecting evidence to be successful. He has a dyslexia diagnosis and a comprehensive EP report that outlines all his struggles.

Request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. You do not need the school to collect evidence before you apply. LAs sometimes say you need 2+ APDR cycles, but that is an unlawful test. For an EHCNA you only need to show a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP. Any other test is unlawful.

Having said that, you will have some school evidence e.g. the absences and difficulties transitioning when DS does attend. Follow up all verbal conversations with emails. That gives you a paper trail. Email whenever DS has a difficult transition or doesn’t make it in.

Was the EP someone who has experience of writing tribunals standard reports? A good report will do more than set out a child’s needs. For example, an important part is also covering the provision they require to meet the needs identified.

Thankyou that information is really helpful. It’s hard to know where to start with the school not being on board

The EP used to work for the local authority and is familiar with what’s required in a report to get an ehcp, she has listed targets for my DS and the support arrangements he needs to meet those targets. She felt some of those would come under the schools ‘reasonable adjustments’ and some would meet the criteria for an EHCP

Just because an EP has worked for an LA doesn’t mean the report is good. Some LA EPs, including some who then do independent work, write reports that are not detailed, specified and quantified in F. So I would relook at the report. Look for vague and woolly wording. For example, “access to”, “would benefit from”, “regular”, “up to”, “or equivalent”, “opportunities for”, “as appropriate”, “would be useful/helpful”, “such as”, “e.g.”, “etc.”, “as required”, “as advised”, “key adult(s)”, “small group”.

An EHCP standard report will cover needs, provision required to meet those needs and outcomes (not targets - a target is an aim, an outcome is the result of provision).