Child not coping at school (reception)

[Chrissayeth]

My son has started reception. Hes a bright boy, verbal and has good understanding just his attention and focus are severely lacking and he's not really conversational and very behind socially.He has obvious autistic traits like emotional dysregulation with change, when somethings missing etc. Every day he's been hitting staff apparently punching and kicking and biting as well as children and I don't understand because he's never like that with me at home. Im at a loss what to do. Its so embarrassing because I work at the school as well and there's nothing they're seeming to be able to offer him to stay in class. Hes always being brought out to sit in the SLT room all by himself. Im trying discipline by taking away his devices every day he has a bad day and it seems to be all the time and idk what to do. He been refused an EHCP which is really ridiculous am.in the middle of fighting that atm cuz its clear he needs someone but I don't know what i can do to support his emotional distress he seems to have at school. I have him on all sorts of supplements but they seem to all be doing nothing.

What support is the school providing? What have they tried but hasn’t worked? Have they contacted any outside agencies?

When you say you are in the middle of fighting the EHCP refusal, where are you? Have you appealed?

Has DS been referred for an ASD assessment?

Did DS attend nursery? What was he like there?

Expectations at home are very different to those at school hence the different behaviour. Try not to worry too much about working at the school as your role and parenting role should be seen as separate.

Not trying to lay the blame at all especially if he has additional needs but when you say “ his devices” what does he have and is he used to lots of screen time?
If he’s becoming overstimulated and having meltdowns in school then punishing him for this at home won’t work.

They shouldn’t be isolating him in a management room on his own. Instead they could be using movement breaks, sensory activities/ sensory circuits and rewards in class for completing short directed tasks.

Have you had a meeting with the SENCO? Have staff been observing any triggers or could they be intervening before he becomes overwhelmed? Are they using visuals, timers and positive rewards?

As PP has mentioned have they asked for outside agency support? A specialist advisory teacher would observe and suggest strategies and advise on curriculum access and behaviour management advice.
Hope things start to improve for you soon.

Aree with pp - how was he at nursery?

Its a big change. Are they identifying any triggers.
Make sure everything is in writing.

If you are already looking at ehcp and had ot refused this was an existing issue.

Mine did start hitting scratching etc in reception - we had other issues in oreschool.
But there was always reasons. Like other kid being mean (i just mean it wasnt random).
Does he struggle with concentration or sitting still or was he impulsive at home as it could equally be adhd.

I could have written this. Ds4 has become aggressive since nursery and he is even worse in reception. He has ehcp but it doesn’t really make any difference. He is only attending in the mornings and already lashed out several times. His teacher is frustrated and he has been isolated because of his aggressive behaviour. I don’t think they believe me when I say he rarely hits at home. I always watch him and supervise him, validate his feelings set boundaries and give him options. Tell him what he can do instead of hitting or finding something tricky. That’s what he needs but despite having this written on his Ehcp the school doesn’t provide it. I know he is difficult but also I know that without help it will only get worse. Unfortunately his teacher is exhausted despite it’s being beginning of the year and doesn’t want to deal with my son’s problems. I can’t blame them but as a result my son is missing out social interaction and education that all the nt kids access. We are both very calm parents and good at setting boundaries and being consistent. Hard work but it works at home. Specialist setting seems impossible to access. I don’t want to homeschool because he needs social interaction with peers. I don’t have any sound advice all I can say is you are not alone and it’s terrible. I keep telling myself they are very little and their brain is maturing. Parenting is not a sprint it’s a marathon and we have to just keep running and do not give up

@mrsbittersweet have you requested an early review of the EHCP?

Is the provision not being provided detailed, specified and quantified in F of the EHCP? Or is it vague and woolly with wording such as “access to”, “would benefit from”, “regular”, “up to”, “or”, “opportunities for”, “as appropriate”, “would be useful/helpful”, “such as”, “e.g.”, “as required”, “as advised”, “key adult(s)”?

Have you met with the SENCO?

Is DS attending part-time your choice? Or is the school imposing it without formally suspending?

If SS was your preference, did you appeal?

I agreed reduced timetable thinking that he might cope better and get more consistent help supervision. His review meeting is in 5 weeks, he only has 50 minutes 1:1 total in a day, spread out as small sessions for movement breaks, attention autism etc.

@mrsbittersweet is it that only 50 minutes 1:1 per day is detailed, specified and quantified in F? Or is there more detailed, specified and quantified in F but it isn’t being provided? It is an important distinction that you need to know the answer to when looking at how to move forward.

If you want DS to attend full-time, he can unless formally suspended.

When is DS 5?

It’s on the F section and I believe they provide it. He is not formally suspended and will turn 5 in April. I have no objection for him being in reduced timetable for now. I think short days with right support is better than long days without supervision, scaffolding.

@mrsbittersweet I meant does F only include 50 minutes 1:1 or is there other/more provision detailed, specified and quantified in F that isn’t being provided?

Because you posted ”That’s what he needs but despite having this written on his Ehcp the school doesn’t provide it.” So I was trying to get to the bottom of if the EHCP needs improving or if the EHCP is OK but it needs enforcing or both because the answer influences what you need to do to get more support for DS.

I meant validating feelings and intervening in the right movement. They seem like reacting after he lashes out

@mrsbittersweet provision for that can be included in the EHCP. If it isn’t, it is something you can look to propose via the AR process. It sounds like the EHCP needs improving.

Thank you. Totally agree