Son hates new college and is refusing to go back

[Miserable123455]

My son has Sen but no EHCP. He’s started at his mainstream post 16 colleg almost four weeks ago and has been horrifically behaved and emotional ever since. He says he hates it there but can’t be terribly specific about what. The college have been good and have put things in place to help but he won’t engage with anyone there.

None of his friends attend the college and he passed his GCSEs with grade 2s so his choices are limited. We live in a small rural town with little choice.

Son says he wants to attend a larger college in a larger town but this would mean a 40 minute bus journey there and back, three times a week and considerable expense - with no guarantee he’d be happier or more settled than the college he’s at now.

DH and I are at our witts end. Apart from his miserable behaviour we are so worried about what his options are. We have a meeting with college on Friday, which our son is presently saying he won’t attend. He has DCD, ASD and a working diagnosis of adhd - awaiting assessment.

We feel we should say the larger college is a straight no, but he’s adamant he won’t go back to his current college. We all felt so sure he’d love his new course and relish a fresh start away from school.

Could he have a taster day at the larger college to see if it really is a better fit? Would they accept him on a course he wants to do? Autonomy is important for neurodivergent teens to function and sometimes with ASD it's hard to explain what fits and what not, it's a sensory thing. Something either feels right (or at least tolerable enough) or not.

Thank you, I’ve agreed with him that I’ll ring them tomorrow to discuss that possibility. It’s such a long bus journey, I really don’t feel it will be right for him at all. But maybe he needs to come to that decision himself.

He’s a very unhappy boy right now bless him. x

Is it 40 minutes door to door? Or just on the bus? In London that's quite a normal journey.

No so it’s - two buses and almost an hour and half door to door. That’s just a normal al public service bus. Or there might be a college bus (there used to be) that he’d have to walk to meet at 7.30. Then that would take about 40 minutes. So it’s a long journey leaving home at 7:15 and not returning home until gone 5 pm. The college he attends now is a 30 minute walk or I could drop him off during the winter. He’s not very independent. He still needs my support to organise himself, prompt him to get ready each morning. It’s very rural here and the public service bus takes up to an hour. He’d then have to change buses to get to his campus. If there is still a dedicated colllege service it may be full.

Have you looked at your LA’s post 16 transport policy (and checked if it is lawful)? At secondary up to 1hr15 is generally considered the maximum, but many travel further.

It could be quite difficult to move college at this point in the year. The EHCP will need amending and that won't be immediate.

Thank you! He doesn’t have an EHCP - but should have. I’ve emailed the college to make initial enquiries. To be honest the additional learning support on their website was impressive. If it’s not possible then that’s our decision made and he’ll have to try and stick at his current college for a year and then perhaps do the level three course at his preferred college.

Ah, sorry. I missed the ‘no’ in your OP and read it as DS did.

If you think DS should have one, have you thought about requesting an EHCNA?

I found out from DS’s preferred college that it is too late to swap this year so we have asked him to try and do his best at his current college and he can apply to go next year. The reason he doesn’t like his current college is because he doesn’t like his tutor. Although he can’t be specific about why. We had a good meeting on Friday and the head at the college has said she will be DS’s safe person and he has permission to leave lessons and come to her office. To just sit or talk. He likes her very much.

He says they have until Friday to swap courses but there isn’t another course that is suitable for him or that he has the grades to do. Not much further on but no meltdowns so far this evening which is good.
thanks for all the help and advice x