My autistic daughter cries everyday when I pick her up from school

[User9951]

My dd (4) has asd and has just started reception this year, the first couple of weeks went really well she went in happy and came out happy. Now however, she bursts out crying for her dad whenever I pick her up from school. We don’t live together and he picks up our children from school every Friday and this has been the routine since she was in nursery, however this crying has only been happening recently and can lead to a full blown meltdown. It’s starting to get to me and make me feel a bit upset as I’m unsure why she reacts this way (non-verbal), I’ve tried explaining to her every morning that I will be picking her up but it doesn’t seem to change. Was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advice?

My autistic daughter is totally fixated on her dad, especially if she is stressed, then only dad is able to calm her and he is the only one she will tolerate. I'm the parent who's looked after her most as dad works long hours and has always been away for work a lot but he is definitely the much preferred parent by miles. My daughter even regularly suggests I and her brother should move out as she finds more than 1 person in a room stressful and she just finds her dad more calming and reassuring to be around. He is autistic, too, while I am nt, so that might be a factor, as they are very similar. Could her father maybe pick up more often/have her more often?

Speak to the school. Shortly before collection, can they remind DD, using visuals if that would work, who will be picking her up? Would collecting DD slightly early &/or from a quieter entrance help?