Starting to feel overwhelmed - 2 SEN children, there is so much going on

[HellenaHandbag]

I am feeling so overwhelmed. I have two DC, one primary one secondary. Both diagnosed ASD, one diagnosis is very recent. The younger one is starting to look quite complicated, not talking at school, and also with camhs for another potential mental health issue.

older one is doing ok at school, but is quite needy, cries a lot. She is overdue an EHCP which is in process but deadlines are late in our borough. She is however not causing much problem at school and I think they find me annoying and over anxious.

younger one is only recently on SEN radar but due to several issues going on the senco has already said she will aim for an Ehcp request.

neither of them eat well, they eat a restricted diet but not many of the same meals. I feel exhausted with trying to get them to eat properly. The older one has some issues with secretive and over eating which she has been referred to the school nurse for. I am constantly chasing my tail trying to limit the rubbish she eats.

the younger one is explosive and challenging at home and can be very difficult.

on the positive side they both have out of school hobbies they enjoy and they do have 1-2 solid friendships each.

on the surface everything is ok and probably they are mostly getting their needs met. They are also not the most SEN children in the world and I think are slipping into that gap of not being a priority for school. But I feel worn down, exhausted, anxious and overwhelmed with just trying to manage everything. I also have a couple of health conditions that add to the load.

sometimes school isn’t particularly helpful or responsive and I think, I am trying so hard to support my child in your school, but I get so little back. Sometimes I want to give up.

husband is ok but doesn’t respond to either of the kids that well. I am trying to get him to learn more about ASD and parent slightly differently. But I feel most of it is on me.

I feel like I am drowning in other people’s needs.

You sound exhausted. Understandably. It is exhausting and never-ending. If you work, is there any chance of you taking some leave - sick, annual or parental? To give you some breathing space.

Is there anything you could outsource, such as getting a cleaner if you don’t already have one?

For the eating, if they will eat enough of their safe foods, I would run with that at the moment. If their foods are something you could batch cook, will they eat batched cooked food? Have DC been referred to anyone to look at ARFID?

Have you had social care assessments? Assessments of DC’s needs and a carer’s assessment for you?

Has DC2 had a home OT assessment? Have they been referred to SALT?

For DC1, if the LA is in breach of the EHCP timescales, have you emailed the Director of Children’s Services? If that hasn’t worked, have you sent a pre-action letter? Where are you in the process?

For DC2, you can make an EHCNA request yourself. On their website, ISPEA has a model letter you can use. You don’t need to wait for the school to do it at some point in the future.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.

with the younger one this is all very recent and school are referring to SALT. I will do the EHCNA myself, I just need evidence of some interventions. we are seeing Camhs next week regarding another MH issue so I guess that is looming too.

for the older one the EHCNA is agreed and we are waiting on an EP assessment which is probably likely to be another 3 months maybe. I have not challenged this yet as things at school are reasonably settled. The younger one has preoccupied me a little.

i like the idea of having some time off, and probably do need it, I just feel I can’t do that with work at the moment.

re food I don’t think either of them are ARFID level- just fussy but it’s good to hear someone suggest just carry on feeding them and not worrying.

the outsourcing is a good idea and one that might work for us - thank you.

I’m worried about what might happen if I give the impression I am not coping well,

You can request an EHCNA for DC2 now. You don’t need to wait for further evidence. The threshold for an EHCNA is relatively low.

For DC1, if you want to push the LA into action, you can. I appreciate you might not want to, though. What about other assessments as part of the EHCNA, such as OT, SALT and clinical psychologist?

If DC will take a multivitamin, that would be good, but I wouldn’t worry if they won’t.

I understand the worry you have in your last sentence. Remember, advocating for DC and asking for support for and with DC isn’t a sign you aren’t coping. It is a sign you are recognising the difficulties and acting on them. That isn't a weakness. Don't let anyone make you feel as though it is.