Toilet issues. Pulling my hair out

[Pinktize]

My 6 year old has ASD and a learning disability. He spent the first 4 years of his life hitting me, meltdowns, destroying the house. It was touch and go if mainstream was right for him but 2 year later he is doing brilliantly and meltdowns are minimal.

My 4 year old was the easiest kid. So happy go lucky. Nursery had no concerns (they flagged my older one straight away). He did line up toys but he was adaptable and v v smiley and hit all milestones. Then 6 months ago he started doing poos in his pants (he was potty trained at 2.5 - no issue). Then nursery just before summer started reporting a few "extreme tantrums". He has just started school and we are in the shit. Quite literally. I think he had chronic constipation on and off as he would hold for days and then I'd find rock solid bits of poo everywhere. I followed advice and used laxative and now hes on onr sachet in movicol. But now his poos are regular but always in his pants. And then in the last week he has just started weeinh everywhere. He refuses to go near the loo. Dodsnt care about sticker charts. Tonight he hit me for the first time. The teacher had said "we will start implementing the support wr used for ur older son" and "autism runs in families"

I just feel blind sided. But also it seems so physical. It's like he dossny know its happening. And he gets so embarrassed. My husband hasn't helped at all by responding as if DS2 is naughty. He says to me "u gotta stop saying every kid who messes up is autistic".

Any advice? I've obvs read stuff, been to GP, but its all standard stuff about sitting him on the loo and sticker charts. No use at all. And the more I talk aboit going on the loo the more he freaks "stop talking mimmmy" and screaming. So then I take all pressure off and dont mention it and he just walks around pooing in his pants

Im tearing my hair out. I feel so fucking done in. I work full time and im running from the office to clear him up. Every morning im washing sheets at 6am before work. My hands smell of shit. And im getting hit in the face again

From what you post, an ASD assessment is a good idea, IMO.

However, I would also be ruling out physical causes of the toileting difficulties. DC can be regular but still constipated. I would also want to rule out a UTI with the urinary accidents.

You could look at a referral to the continence service.

Thank you. He was weeing on the floor yesterday and acting like he didn't know it was happening. But then when I say "sweetheart you're weeing" he gets super embarrassed. I just dont know what rhe hell is going on but the toilet has become the enemy! Cam he even go to school liek this?

The school cannot refuse to allow DS to attend because of toileting difficulties.

Gosh that sounds so difficult. Are you able to get him to the GO tomorrow to rule out a UTI and start the assessment process?

I would also ask for a referral to OT and maybe Portahe if he’s nearer to 4 than 5?

The School Nurse service might also be able to help with advice?

Portage don’t usually see DC who are school age.