Advice please

[Blueymumma]

Please be brutally honest am I a bad mum

My child is SEN and was diagnosed with autism as a toddler they are now in year 2. Since nursery they have always been on reduced hours which has taken over my life to be honest, I had to leave my job and make many adjustments. His current timetable is 9-11am, I walk to school and have 2 babies so don’t have time to go home and come back out again so it’s just a case of waiting around to get my other child. some days I just don’t send him like today, I have been tossing and turning all night with shivers and a high temp, I feel so ill. I can’t stand around waiting today I feel so poorly, my other children also get agitated the whole time stuck in the buggy. If he was on normal hours I’d push through knowing I can go home and not go out again for a few hours. Is this lazy? He didn’t go in yesterday either because of the same reason. If his hours carry on the way they are, his siblings won’t be able to go to nursery, I can’t do anything all week in the mornings, I just have to stand around all morning it’s been this way for years and changes nothing. School won’t budge. What do I do as I genuinely can’t carry on like this. It’s all too much, his attendance is literally awful and I feel guilty but some days waiting around is impossible. I took him on holiday the first week of term as I do every September, which the school have tried to make me feel guilty for by saying his hours can’t go up because he missed a week on top of the 6 weeks, he misses out on so much, doesn’t have any friends, doesn’t get invited to parties or play dates, never done a nativity or special assemblies like I see other children do, I take him away each September because he genuinely can not cope with the busyness on holiday in the summer holidays it isn’t an enjoyable experience. We’ve tried home education but he will not engage, at a loss

You need to apply for a ehcp. Sounds like he needs to he in a specialist school x

You're a stressed out mum. I assume you don't have a car and live at least a 15 minute walk from the school and that's why you find going home challenging?
Have you heard of an EHCP and SENDIAS? Getting your child into a specialist school requires an EHCP, but transport can then be requested and that could free you up a little. It sounds very much like his current school aren't able to provide him with an appropriate level of support. I'm a fellow SEND mum and it can certainly feel like you're drowning. Contact your local council SENDIAS/ SIAS for support on your legal rights. You may also find some other support through local networks. I've found that it often feels you're the only one and this can make you feel like giving up. Keep doing all you can to show you're doing all you can, but also get the help to find a more suitable school and school hours. All the best.

Your DS is in year 2, so the reduced hours shouldn’t continue indefinitely, without a proper plan for the future.

What is the reason for the reduced hours and what has the school done to try to meet his needs?

It sounds as though his needs are severe and you might want to think about applying for an EHCP, which should set out what he needs and who will provide it. If you look at IPSEA and SOSSEN, they will have some guidance on how to go about it. It doesn’t sound as though the school are doing much to meet his needs at the moment.

Have the school not suggested an EHCP to you?

Why has he been on a reduced timetable for this long?
have the school ever tried to up his hours?

If you want DS to attend full-time, he can, unless the school formally suspends. You don’t need the school to agree. Don’t worry if they do suspend. A formal suspension rather than an unlawful informal exclusion it will a) provide you with evidence of unmet needs, b) force the school to follow due process, c) limit the number of days the school can suspend for, d) allow you to challenge any suspension, and e) ensure DS receives alternative provision once he has reached that threshold. If you haven’t already, it is worth reading the statutory suspension and exclusion guidance.

If DS can’t attend full-time, the LA has a duty to ensure he still receives a suitable full-time education. Have you requested alternative provision? On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Request a meeting with the SENCO.

Does DS have an EHCP? If not, request an EHCNA. IPSEA also has a model letter for this. If DS already has an EHCP, request an early review.

If going home between dropping off and picking up isn’t feasible, how far away is DS’s school?

Have you looked at transport?

Even if it isn’t worthwhile going home, is there somewhere locally you can go rather than standing around at school with 2 younger DC?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs? On their website, Contact has model letters you can use.

Also, look at your local short breaks offer and approach Home Start to see if they can support you.

Your younger DC will still be able to go to nursery.

Personally, I think the first week of the school year is a bad time to take DS out of school for a holiday, but you can’t change what has already happened. I wouldn’t do it going forward, though. Even if you want to go in term time, there are better times to go, IMO.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.