It is 3 weeks into summer holidays and today the head of the parish counsel told me off for my 4 year old and 5 year old autistic kid being noisy at the community coffee morning because 'the elderly come here and do not like noise'.
I burst into tears with the church lead moments later.
For background. Christmas 2018 I was pregnant in excuitating pain and went to A&E on Christmas day who dismissed it as a waste of their time.
In Janurary an abusive client gave me a threatened miscarriage. The noted an 'ovarian cyst but nothing to worry about'.
In Febuary I called into hospital to say my 12 week check showed an ovarian tumour doubling in size every 2 weeks.
At 22 weeks I had a 35cm long vertical open lapotomy while pregant and they woke me up with NO pain relief because they wanted to drip feed it to me as needed. I basically woke up in hell.
At 33 weeks I gave birth. Tore severely. Had 2 hours of surgery. My baby would not latch on. The midwife accused me of doing drugs. The peadatrican said give her formula after 9 hours...
At 2 years old my concerns of autism were dismissed by health vistor dispite signs.
The nursery reffered her for autism asessment and were turned down as 'innapropriate'.
In reception I said she was austic but they told me she was just young, tired and offered me parenting classes.
In year 1 things escalated severely and no one could deny she was obviously autistic...it still took a year to get a diagnosis and EHCP.
But that is it. I am burnt out. I was training to be a lawyer. I graduated my MSc in law, Business and Management last December. I was a paralegal about to be a lawyer. A carreer woman. But my boss said I 'always had something going on' with my daughter and gave me a formal warning so I left. Now my daughter schools 9-1pm.
Now I have given up my career and I am a full time carer. I am miserable. I try to do dance once a week in the evenings and meet up where I can with friends. But I hate my life. I am not depressed but I am anxious. I love both my kids my autistic and my NT preschooler. But life is hell. Everyday is a solo battle to teach her to read and write. And she bites, kicks, hangs off things squeels, shouts. I can not go anywhere or do anything because she simply has no place anywhere. No one tolerates her. No church, no clubs, no HAF clubs, music centres, community halls. I am completley and utterly ostricised because of my daughter. I live in a rual community and there is nothing for us within 40 miles of our location.
I just want to reach out because it has been a continuation of rough days and suffering. I do not know how to keep surviving thus.