This may be a bit long so apols in advance but it's a bit of a complicated situation and I'm not quite sure of the best approach.
DS (12) has had issues with school anxiety all through primary school, which got significantly worse after covid. Primary school were always very collaborative and helpful at managing this but he needed quite a lot of support at the start of the day with transition (e.g. he had various approaches but the one that lasted til end year 6 was us dropping him in the SENCO room early, staying for a bit, him then staying with the SENCO until after class had started, then he would go to class when everyone was settled to miss the busyness of the playground and corridors). He had a couple of CAMHS interventions for anxiety during this time but was turned down for further support.
We knew secondary was likely to be difficult and tried to prep for this - he didn't get into our preferred school because of distance and appeal was fruitless because of no EHCP.
The school he got into is a large outer London boys school. We tried to work with the school to get support on transition (e.g. to discuss a gradual start, a quiet room he could access, to be with friends) and they basically let us down at every turn e.g. all his friends were in one class and DS was on his own. Essentially they didn't take us seriously until the wheels started seriously falling off by November, at which point DS anxiety was crippling and none of the adjustments were of any use. He stopped being able to attend school completely and even stopped being able to leave the house to see friends. He hated himself and started saying he wanted to die. Given the school couldn't offer us support or work sent home with off-rolled him and enrolled him into online school to stop the escalation and give us all breathing space (2 hours a day trying to get him in was just unfeasable).
The school did refer us to an EBSNA pilot programme which was useful as we got a fast tracked ASD diagnosis and a mentor who has now written a report for EHC. Alongside we are waiting for an Ed Psych report, we have psychiatrists assessments and all our correspondence from his school so we have a lot of evidence as to what he needs to reintegrate, however we are only at the start of the EHC assessment application process.
Online school has been useful in that DS (who is academically very able) has kept up with the curriculum and had structure to the day, but he is now disengaging and upset with being homeschooled - he misses seeing friends and he wants to be in a 'normal' school, although can't even walk past his last school without a panic attack so it needs to be a new school.
Aware we could be waiting a LONG time for the EHC and DS wants to start year 8 back in school. We've been visiting both mainstream and specialist schools and are in a tricky situation - we can't access specialist without EHCP which could take a while, and also may not be named as in theory his needs should be able to be met in mainstream. But when I detail his situation to mainstream schools locally they are all without fail saying that they don't have resource without the EHCP and need to set expectations. But surely legally he has to be offered somewhere he can attend? What we want isn't unreasonable its:
- a part time gradual, phased return
- a key person (s) who he can form a relationship with and trust, that he can go to if needed
- a safe/sensory room he can go to if needed
- possibly early or late transitions so he's not in crowded corridors
If he felt like he had these he would probably be OK once he got used to the school, it's the feeling unsafe and like he's not cared about/the teachers don't like him that causes the anxiety.
So (and thank you if you've got through all that) WWYD in this situation? Get him back on roll and attempt mainstream again while waiting for EHCP with the risk it could go horribly wrong if they don't accommodate? Wait for EHCP (what will he do in September then?!).
I just want to avoid another traumatic experience for us all (having to also manage all this whilst working FT). Thanks in advance for your thoughts