How do I stop him hitting?

[herashere]

DS is 9 and has been suspended from school for a day. I don't know what to do to stop him. I don't know how to help him. I don't actually know what school think I should do or what I'm not doing.

He's very behind at school. He's dyslexic and has a slow processing speed. He gets really annoyed during team sports and lashes out. He hit three kids today.

When we discuss it he really believes he's entitled to hurt other people when he's annoyed. When we say it is wrong he says they deserve it. We can explain this until the cows cone home and he just does not agree. He's not witnessed this at home. I've got other DC and they don't do this.

What do I do? How do I help him? If I was going to pay for some kind of therapy, what do I need to ask for?

And, the really sad thing is that when he hits, he goes the Headteachers office and he loves it. He comes out and says he's had the best day.

I'm sorry, I don't really know what I'm asking. I just wondered if anyone knew what I need to do.

Has the school looked at the triggers? For example, via a detailed diary or ABC charts?

What support is the school providing? Has he had any emotional literacy input? Do they use Zones of Regulation? Does DS have an EHCP? Has DS had ed psych, OT and SALT input?

Are the suspensions formal?

Can DS communicate why he gets frustrated? For example, with PE, is it the interaction with others, the less structured environment, noise, or does he find PE difficult from a motor skills PoV…

Hi Perpetuals. Sorry for my late reply. The whole thing is exhausting so I put my phone away.

The school is aware of triggers. They said that he was being supervised closely which we had asked for but it turns out the supervision was about 60 foot away. The triggers are usually disagreements over rules. I think they were too far away to be able to pick up on this trigger. He has a thing about rules. He has a problem with something which he thinks is accidental being labeled as on purpose.

School are supposed to be following a 'my plan' but they are too busy ATM. Apparently. No EHCP although we've asked for this to be looked into today. No help from OT. His speech is good.

Today's suspension is formal. And seeing the relief on his face when he wasn't going to school just tells me this school isn't giving what he needs.

I appreciate any thoughts you have.

Have you considered that DS might be autistic? Obviously impossible to diagnose from a thread but a lot of what you're describing might fit: overly rigid with rules; struggles to see another person's point of view on an issue/event or the consequences of his behaviour for others; limited tolerance for frustration; struggling with team activities (socially complex situations). If he finds the head's office a relief then he also might be struggling with the sensory environment/social demands of the classroom.

It isn’t acceptable for the school to say they don’t have time to provide SEN Support. Request a meeting with the SENCO. Follow up with an email. If they refuse, speak to the headteacher. Without an EHCP, it is difficult to provide the level of close supervision DS needs - most schools wouldn’t be able to provide that level of support without an EHCP. However, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be supporting DS at all and if they need more support to meet DS’s needs they should have requested an EHCNA. Have they asked for advice from the specialist teaching service if your LA still has them.

Request an EHCNA yourself. On IPSEA’s website, there is a model letter you can use.

It is worth requesting a referral to OT. In some areas, you can self refer. If you can’t the school or GP will be able to. Not all areas commission sensory OT on the NHS, but even if your ICB doesn’t, it is still worth a referral for other aspects.

SALT is about far more than the physical ability to speak. For example, it can support interaction, emotional regulation and some aspects of dyslexia.

Thanks so much for your help @perpetualplatespinning. We've met with the Senco, who pulled together a document called a myplan. It covered triggers, preferences and some information about DS. However, it is never used or referred to. If it was then this wouldn't have happened.

I'm going to check out IPSEA's website. A social worker is involved now who told us we can make our own application rather than waiting for school.

I'm also going to read up about both OT and SALT because I don't really know much about either. I'm thankful for your pointers because I'm just stressed and unable to think straight.

@BusMumsHolidayHe may well be autistic. I don't know enough to diagnose him myself and school say a diagnosis would be unnecessary as they will meet each child's needs. That's obviously a load of crap. But I wouldn't want to just take him just anywhere for diagnosis as I've been told school wouldn't necessarily accept it anyway. Maybe I need to straight out ask school what they think.

it is never used or referred to.

This is what is unacceptable. The school must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments. You need another meeting. If that doesn’t help speak to the HT. Then, if that fails, follow the complaints process.

With a few exceptions, such as some specialist schools and some specialist teaching services, support in schools is based on needs, not diagnosis. However, IMO, diagnosis is still important. It helps you understand yourself and aids others understanding you.

The school, local authority and NHS can’t refuse to accept an independent assessment/diagnosis, just because it is independent. The validity of any such assessment/diagnosis is less likely to be questioned if the assessment meets NOCE guidelines &/or the professional also works/ed for the NHS.

Ok. I'm even going to pinch your language. Thank you.

NICE, not NOCE. Fat fingers. Sorry.