4 Year Old just received autism diagnosis

[Hellosunshine2022]

My 4 year old has just received his autism diagnosis. I knew this was going to happen but I guess I was hoping that I had got it wrong. When they said he meets the criteria it was a mixture of grief and relief at the same time. I had concerns of autism since he was a few months old. No eye contact or really smiling. These concerns grew the older he has got. Professionals agreed with my concerns but family and friends, although I’m sure it was coming from a good place, kept telling me I was overthinking, nothing was wrong, everyone is too quick to diagnosis etc etc
I know he is still so young but I just worry life will be so much harder for him. I keep reading the poem ‘Welcome to Holland’ by Emily Perl Kingsley. It does help. My other child has a long term speech disorder and I’m just heartbroken as this was not what I imagined when we started a family.
I feel like screaming every time someone tells me “we are all on the spectrum somewhere” or “autism is a superpower”.
I guess I’m reaching out to see if anyone has any advice or any experiences to give hope. Feeling lost and worried.

Good morning sending a virtual hug. The diagnostic process can be one of the most difficult parts.

You will of course be going through a range of emotions and be feeling completely overwhelmed right now. You have already expressed some of the feelings. It is so hard when they are so young not to try to project what will happen in the future.
I also used to read Welcome to Holland.

I won’t pretend that it will be easy but you are over the first hurdle. There will be laughter and smiles too.
Comments from others including family, friends and “ well meaning” strangers will upset and enrage you. There will be others who understand or try to.

Once you are feeling ready arm yourself with all the information you need to make family life as smooth as possible. The NAS EarlyBird course for parents is excellent and this or something similar should be available locally as part of the diagnostic pathway. Meeting other parents is also invaluable as they really “ get it”

Don't forget to look after yourself so that you can be there for your DS. I’m guessing that you may be navigating the EHCP process? Please come back with other questions along the way.
Generally my advice would be to prioritise any difficulties rather than tackle everything at once.
I know you are feeling lost but if you want to you will “ find your tribe” and in future your son may do so too.

Even if you are expecting the diagnosis, it can still hit you.

If you haven’t already applied for DLA, do that. Cerebra’s guide which you can find on their website is helpful for completing the form.

Is DS starting school this September? If so, have you spoken to the SENCO at the school? Does DS have an EHCP/has an EHCNA been requested?

Keep in mind that just like with NT children, things change. He won't become NT, but whatever very specific problems you're having now will likely change over time. And some things take longer, but other things might even prove much more straightforward - you'll be surprised. It's great that you already have this insight into how his mind works.