I've had it with my autistic teen.

[arcticpandas]

He makes everyone miserable; his younger brother who was in tears, my DH and myself. He's 15 with severe OCD making him repeat the same questions over and over and being aggressive and screaming. His younger brother said he hated having a brother like that. He stresses him out and I understand I'm shaking as well. On sertraline for ocd but it's not helping. Head psychiatrist said we had to wait until his 17 to try a treatment that might work (electric impulses to brain). My DH is out and that's good because he's very stressed at work and just wind up exploding as well. He's so exhausting and really drains us all. He's gone to bed now (with medication given in the evening to help him settle, well didn't really help tonight because he went a bit berserk). I feel so empty. I have done everything I possibly could for him: being a sahm taken him to all meetings with specialists, doing all the training on emotions, sociability and basic school skills because he doesn't concentrate in school. Homeschooled for 2 years because he was too anguished to go and just cried in school or got aggressive. I have done everything I could. And for what? He's not interested in anything, nothing has helped him/us and it was all for nothing. I just feel empty. And worse of all I feel that I've run out of love for him. I just wished he could go away and I never had to see him again. He screamed at me that I'm a fucking bitch atleast 10 times this evening. If it wasn't for his brother I would have just left. Does anyone has any advice how to stay head over water? I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable because I know I am; it's not his fault that he's got autism and OCD and he suffers as well. I just feel that my empathy for him has run out when I see how much stress and upset he's causing his younger brother.

Has DS tried any other medication? Is he receiving any therapeutic support? If the psychiatrist doesn’t know how else to support DS, have they referred onwards?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the children with disabilities team for DS.

Does DS have an EHCP?

For DC2, some people find the local young carers service helpful. Others find Sibs useful.

Some parents find counselling or antidepressants help them.

I also have OCD that was particularly severe from ages 16 to 20 - I would constantly ask for reassurance over and over again and I knew it was painful for others but I couldn’t help it. Is it intrusive thoughts by any chance? Also, how long have they been on the meds because it can take a while to start working effectively?

Do you have a social worker that you can ask for respite? One night a week has helped me with my younger son massively to have some QT.
please don’t think whatever you’ve done hasn’t helped, you’ll never know how much worse the situation could’ve been. Whilst it feels as if all your sacrifices haven’t made a difference , they have. And you should get respite, you should look for a carer and you need time away.

He has been on 3 different antipsychotic drugs; they all made him worse. Sertraline worked when he was nine years old. Doesn't really work any more, or atleast doesn't work enough. No therapetic support because he refuses to engage so they have "given up" on him. He doesn't want to talk to anyone about his problems and it's hell when I have to get him to his psychiatrist for a renewal of sertraline and Tercian (evening only).
I'm on antidepressants already since I was young so I have always been fragile psychologically which isn't optimal when you have a child in crisis mode at home but I try to stay calm and factual and leave the tears for when my children are in bed.
Social services is a joke. They can't provide any help because we're "good parents" and nothing is lacking in my son's home life. I can't blame them because there are so many neglected children who need their help more than us.
He would need psychiatric care but there are so few places and again there are suicidal, abused, psychotic teens who can't even get proper care. I know all this because I used to work in social care so I don't have any illusions about what help there is to get.
He does have an EHCP so goes to school which is good since last year he didn't. I just wish every day wasn't such a struggle.
Thank you for responding.💐

Sertraline since he was 9. Did help at first but doesn't any more. Can't really up the dose because it makes him aggressive.

When was the dose of Sertraline last reviewed? Does it need increasing? If DS is on the maximum dosage, has he tried any other antidepressants?

It is far more likely DS is unable to engage rather than refuses. The professionals need to alter their approach not give up.

It sounds like the EHCP needs improving. Therapeutic support should be in there. The benefit of that is support that wouldn’t be available via the NHS can be included.

Social services support for disabled children isn’t about if you are good parents or not. DS is a child in need by virtue of his disabilities. Did children’s services refuse assessments or did you have assessments but they refused support? Did you challenge their decision?