Unusual Behaviours in Almost 3 Year Old

[OverthinkingToddlerParent]

My DS will turn 3 in July. He’s always displayed some unusual traits which cause me to believe there’s a deeper issue at play. But he’s also met almost all his milestones on time so I am not sure if I am overthinking. For example -

• He communicates well in single words and often in 3-4 word sentences. Can appropriately answer in yes or no 8/10 times.
• Follows instructions well and understands nearly everything we tell him.
• He loves socialising and seeks to play with other children.
• He’s very observant and clever and is doing a good job at learning numbers and phonics.
• He is not fixated on routines and often enjoys changes and surprises.
• Does not have excessive meltdowns unless he’s tired, hungry or sick. On the other hand, these are the traits that have me worried -
• He is not good with eye contact
• He sings the same song repeatedly, especially when he’s bored or excited
• He repeats words and sentences as if he’s trying to learn their meaning or memorise them, but stops if we tell him to.
• He’s not very self dependent and prefers if we do things for him, even though he can do it if he wants.
• He is obsessed with Lego and likes to build the same thing but in different ways.
• He mostly uses language exactly the way that we use instead of putting 2 words together logically. I am not sure if this warrants any assessment or intervention. Would love to know from people who’ve experienced something similar and if their children turned out NT or ND. Thank you for reading and replying.

When you say he's not good with eye contact - what do you mean? Do you mean he struggles to hold eye contact for long periods, or that he eg wouldn't understand that he needs to look towards someone he's talking to or that someone looking at him was addressing him even if they didn't use his name?

Can you give examples of the last point you make? I'm not clear what you mean.

Is there any family history which has led you to be looking out for signs of Neurodiversity?

Lots of the things that you are concerned about would be typical for a nearly 3 year old. Repetitive play is often evident at this age. Echolalia can be a feature of language until around 3 years of age. Please do not discourage this. In children who are ND this can be a stepping stone to developing spoken language ( I’m not suggesting that he is)
Children learn language from those around them so he will pick up words and phrases from you.

Children who are ND usually have a very uneven developmental profile. You say he met most of his milestones.
Most of your concerns seem to be around language development or use. Does he attend a Preschool setting and if so have they expressed any concerns about social communication and interaction difficulties? From what you have outlined it doesn’t sound like he would meet the threshold for a SALT referral.

You don’t mention any sensory differences e.g. avoiding or seeking certain textures or movement, avoiding some clothes textures or rigid or restricted diet?

I understand that you are anxious and that’s why you have asked for opinions. Every child is different and without knowing or seeing him ( even with experience or qualifications) people on MN can’t really say.
Our daughter at this age, although clearly demonstrating high ability, had lots of sensory needs, receptive and expressive language difficulties, restricted diet and sensory needs. She was diagnosed with SPD and then ASD age 3 1/2.

It does sound as if you are assessing and observing him. For now I’d try to enjoy playing, sharing books etc. I’m sure staff at Preschool or school will let you know if they have any concerns.

He will look at you when he wants to ask or want something but does not maintain it and avoids it if you look directly at him while talking to him. About language, he mostly repeats sentences the way we say them instead of using his own understanding, like gestalt language processing.

There’s no history of neurodivergence in the family on mine and DH’s families. But both our sibling’s children are a bit socially awkward and have had some traits like stimming and speech delay, although resolved as they grew older. My son goes to a childminder and she hasn’t mentioned anything apart from his fussiness about food sometimes. He has no problems with clothes or textures and tries most Food but is fussy about eating in general (this I just put down to him being a toddler). It’s just that he has phases where he displays a lot of repetitive behaviours. He also avoids eye contact in general and flaps his hands when he’s excited. On the other hand, he points to request and share interests and responds to his name and follows instructions very well. So it’s a mixed bag really, and I am just wondering if it’s okay to just let him be and wait till he’s a bit older to check if he grows out of it, or get some help now to support his development. But I agree and appreciate your thoughts about taking it easy and enjoying him. Hopefully it’s just a learning phase and he’ll outgrow them in time. Thanks for your reassuring words xx

I don't think there's an issue with his eye contact. With ASD, it's not simply that people avoid eye contact (though some do) but they don't instinctively understand eye contact as communicative so eg they will start speaking without checking someone is listening non verbally. (To be clear, some NT toddlers might do that; it would be unusual in an older child.)

I need examples because eg saying, "I'm a bit sad" when he's upset because you say "you're a bit sad" to him is not unusual or gestalt language processing. But if eg he said "what a splendid performance!" at the end of a TV show he liked every time, because he'd heard it on TV, and never said "I love this show!/this is funny!/like this one!" or anything spontaneous, that would be atypical. My experience is that as gestalt language processing becomes better known, lots of parents confuse it with typical development which, of course, involves copying some phrases from caregivers.

He calls out mummy, daddy or whoever is with him if he wants to communicate, just doesn’t make eye contact while communicating. He just looks uncomfortable/awkward/shy when someone looks at him or stares at him while communicating so I don’t know what to make of it. I honestly didn’t know the subtle differences in typical language development and gestalt language development like you’ve mentioned. He doesn’t really repeat sentences like word-to-word as you’ve described but more like saying something like “I am sad” appropriately as he has heard us use it. And I must add he does use new words and combinations spontaneously every now and then, just not frequently. And he mixes his “I,” “Me,” “You’” and “Your” a lot. But I must mention that we are bilingual and use two languages (including English) at home so he is not used to hearing conversations in one language continuously. Not sure if that could contribute to all this. I really appreciate you taking the time to go into such detail though. It gave me a better understanding of language development and the differences. Thank you xx