Dd not settled in school. Possibly autistic.

[TheLostStarman]

Dd is very bright and started at a grammar school in September but she hasn’t settled in.
She gets anxious, absolutely hates getting any kind of telling off, hates doing homework and is pretty miserable.
Shes getting lots of support, has friends and is sociable but every day is a battle to get her into school.
I’m reluctant to take her out as I think there’s much more telling off, noise and just as much homework in state schools but I’m not sure if she can continue here if she doesn’t do any work.
We’re going through the process of getting an assessment and I’m not sure what’ll happen next.
Does anyone have a neurodiverse child in grammar school?

Speak to the SENCO about things like reducing (or removing completely) the homework burden and further support for anxiety.

If DD hates the noise, would she wear noise cancelling headphones? Would moving 5 mins early or late help? Would going to lunch 5/10 mins early help? If lunchtime is overwhelming, is there a lunch club for those struggling DD could attend. The school could think about placement within the classroom.

Rejection sensitivities dysphoria can play into struggling with being told off. Although you should look at what she is being told off for, she shouldn’t be punished for behaviour related to her SEN.

This sounds very much like my autistic daughter who is only year 1 (minus the homework). The fear of being told off, anxiety etc.

I agree speaking to SENCO could be a starting point. Check if they have any nurture type support in the school to support well being? I am autistic myself and I really benefit from having a fidget with me as it gives me an outlet for my anxiety. When I’m at work I wear a really discreet plastic stretchy hairband round my wrist and use this as a fidget. Your daughter may benefit from being able to take a movement break now and again.

Thanks.
Now I’ve been reading up on things, I’m even more confused.
It seems that giftedness also has some traits that can be confused or even crossover, with some autistic traits.
I haven’t gone into all of dds talents but I feel giftedness seems more apt.

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

The above is the best resource I’ve found on ASD in girls. Good luck.