Desperate mum asking for help!

[McQueensMuse]

I’m reaching out for some advice and support regarding a very complex situation with my teenage son. He has multiple behavioural and emotional needs, including suspected autism, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), trauma, and conduct disorder.

I’m heartbroken that I can’t have him here with me, but due to serious safety concerns within the household, I’ve had to make the hardest decision of my life to keep my other children safe. This hasn’t been easy, and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on any parent.

After being abandoned by his father (my ex-husband), my son is now under the care of social services, and I’m advocating for a specialist residential and educational therapeutic placement that can meet his complex needs I’m now looking for help from anyone on here who is:

• A specialist child psychologist who can offer remote case reviews or letters of support (even without meeting my son)
• A risk assessor experienced with complex behavioural profiles
• Someone with experience in residential schools or therapeutic environments for children like my son who could offer insight or advice
• Connected to any charities or organisations that support parents in similar situations
• Or anyone who has been through something similar and would be willing to share their experience or provide a testimonial on how a residential placement helped their child

I specifically need letters of support from professionals to back up my view that non-specialised care settings won’t meet his needs, and that a residential and educational placement with integrated therapies is the best and only realistic option for him. They won’t just take my word for it (rightly so of course)

I can provide a comprehensive, fully redacted document outlining his behaviours, risks, and needs in detail if any professionals are willing to review the case and offer input.

I know this is a long shot, but if anyone has been through something similar or knows someone who could help, I’d be so grateful for any advice or connections. Please feel free to PM me.

Thank you so much if you got this far!

Anyone at all? Even if anyone could think of any other ways I could get supporting letters, that would be amazing.

Hopeful bump!

For professional services they would need to met your child and you would have obviously have to pay for this. I would repost on the SEN board to ask for recommendations.

Paying for it wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s miles away and the person he’s staying with believes he has no underlying conditions and his behaviour is just that of a neurotypical teenager. So that option is not open to me currently.

Do you think professionals would respond to a blind study? Simply to give an opinion on Neurotypical teenage behaviour V possible underlying conditions?

I have no special knowledge to offer.

Just to add that if you follow PP's advice to post this on SEN boards, it might be worth mentioning in the original post that you're expecting to pay for the expert help. I'd assumed the opposite and thought you were asking a lot!

I hope you manage to get your son the help he needs 💐

Are you getting advice from e.g. IPSEA? https://www.ipsea.org.uk/ They are good on the legal position and the processes you might try. They have a helpline where you could talk it through.

Thank you @AmaryllisNightAndDay I’ll phone them right now.

Good luck! And do post questions on the Special Needs boards too, I don't go there much any more but lots of women over there with experience of navigating difficult situations.

MNHQ very kindly moved my thread over to this board.

So up until Thursday, He was still with his paternal grandmother (where his “father” had dropped him off)

I hadn’t had any contact from social services since 24th April where they tried to convince me to have DS back here (which I understand entirely)

Then one of the managers attempted to get me to sign section 25 voluntary care forms by presenting them as simple consent forms for any future placement (activities etc)
I have heard nothing from them since.

Since last Thursday, I couldn’t get through to DS on his phone and his grandmother was ignoring my texts (including messages asking about plans for
his birthday which is today)

She then text me early Saturday morning to say he’d been uplifted by social services on Thursday evening and was in a placement and then ignored my texts and calls asking where my son was and what possible reason could she have for keeping this from me.

I eventually found out where he was and spoke to an emergency on-call social worker and managed to go and visit him yesterday. He seems well and very well cared for.
He’s the only child in a two bed house with a staff member on 24/7

Waiting on seeing what social services have to say for themselves tomorrow.

IPSEA, SOSSEN and Contact’s websites are worth reading. They all have helplines too.

Does DS have an EHCP? If so, do you currently have the right of appeal? If not, have you had an early review recently?

Professionals won’t write reports blind. Even if they did, they would be of little value.

To support a residential educational placement, an independent social worker assessment can help. As can an educational psychologist (where some have clinical psychologist evidence instead or as well as, for most, an EP assessment should be the priority. A few EPs will cover both elements.) and OT.

For independent social workers you could look at Rachel Gavin, Cathie Long, Mary Cartlidge, Gary Crisp.

For EPs you could look at Jemma Levy, Craig Tribe, Ruth Birnbaum, Patsy Kershaw, Vivienne Clifford, Nick Palmer.

If you did want a clinical psychologist, you could look at Lesley Taylor, Judy Eaton, Sam Peacock or Joshua Carritt-Baker (for full disclosure, I know many who have had excellent experiences with him and have seen some very good reports but I also know of some who say they haven’t had a positive experience with him.)

For OT you could look at Aniesa Blore, Melinda Eriksen, Diana Pierags, Bryher Hill, Mary Cunningham or Jo Woods.

Thank you so much, I already looked into IPSEA but we’re in Scotland.
But I will go and look into the rest.
I’m not sure what an EHCP is.

Ah, if you are in Scotland things are different. You don’t have EHCPs. SOSSEN won’t be relevant either. Try Enquire instead. Contact still is relevant. Another possibility is looking for a law centre such as* *Govan Law Centre who can help with ASN cases.

I’ve had a sum total of three emails and two phone calls from social work and one letter from the children’s reporter who needs as much information about DS by end of business on Wednesday, This info will be used to decide whether or not there will be a children’s hearing.
I’m hoping they decide that a hearing is required.

Thank you so much @StrivingForSleep

Sorry to jump on, but someone (A PDA-informed paralegal) suggested Sam Peacock to me. I haven't seen her name anywhere else and can't see anything about her online. I wondered if you'd used her or what you know? Our local authority has refused to issue an EHCP for our high masking (also social and doing well academically alongside PDA, AuDHD) daughter and we want to appeal with the help of a private report. Any useful intel? It's a lot of money to spend so would like to know more from other parents! @StrivingForSleep

@Jozijo I support parents who have DC with SEN, so I have seen reports from SP. I have read some excellent reports and heard many good experiences. Her full name is Samantha Peacock. You might find more searching that. Having said that, unless you already have a good EP report, you would be better prioritising an EP assessment over a CP assessment, IMO.