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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Help with 6yo daughters autistic meltdowns

3 replies

adviceneeded2188 · 26/04/2025 09:14

We have a 6yo daughter, diagnosed with autism aged 5. She is what I guess you would call 'high functioning' in that she attends mainstream school, communicates well and does well academically.

However, at home it is just meltdown central. She masks at school and will typically be in floods of tears at pick up over any small thing. Yesterday evening she flipped because I asked her not to slam a door next to her baby brothers head. This morning before 8am because she didn't want to walk somewhere.

The intensity of the meltdowns is what worries me, because they're getting much, much worse. She screams and screams, growls, puts her hands over her ears, won't engage, kicks the walls, says the same thing repeatedly. This goes in for 30 minutes plus sometimes. She's also started pulling out her hair and hiding the clumps in her room.

In reception we had a few monitoring meetings with her school to ensure she was happy there, but they have now deemed them unnecessary as she copes well there. She doesn't have an EHCP or anything else in place so literally just a diagnosis.

We keep things low demand at home, go with the flow, do whatever it takes to prevent things getting to meltdown stage, but it is literally like walking on eggshells. Meltdowns still happen regularly during school holidays so I don't believe that makes much of a difference.

Should we be looking at therapy, medication, anything?

How can we help her? She seems so disregulated all the time. Life is miserable. Her 6 month old brother is becoming quite scared by her outbursts.

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 26/04/2025 16:02

Request a meeting with the SENCO. What DD is experiencing is known as the coke bottle effect. If school life was easier, home life would improve too. The school needs to be providing support. You can request an EHCNA yourself - on IPSEA’s website there is a model letter you can use. Meltdowns continuing in the holidays doesn’t rule out school contributing and exacerbating meltdowns.

An OT assessment will help. In some areas, you can self refer. If you can’t, the GP or school will be able to. Some areas don’t commission sensory OT on the NHS, but if your ICB does, it is worth ensuring any OT assessment covers that. Also speak to the GP about DD’s anxiety.

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Some find non-violent resistance resources &/or PDA strategies (even if DC doesn’t have PDA) useful.

adviceneeded2188 · 26/04/2025 20:20

StrivingForSleep · 26/04/2025 16:02

Request a meeting with the SENCO. What DD is experiencing is known as the coke bottle effect. If school life was easier, home life would improve too. The school needs to be providing support. You can request an EHCNA yourself - on IPSEA’s website there is a model letter you can use. Meltdowns continuing in the holidays doesn’t rule out school contributing and exacerbating meltdowns.

An OT assessment will help. In some areas, you can self refer. If you can’t, the GP or school will be able to. Some areas don’t commission sensory OT on the NHS, but if your ICB does, it is worth ensuring any OT assessment covers that. Also speak to the GP about DD’s anxiety.

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Some find non-violent resistance resources &/or PDA strategies (even if DC doesn’t have PDA) useful.

Thanks for your reply.

I feel as though the school aren't really interested as her behaviour whilst in the setting is fine. Are they required to support us regardless? They seemed pretty ready to cease meetings with us at the end of reception year because they felt there wasn't a problem. How do I re-engage them and how can they make life easier for her?

Sorry if the questions sound basic. I just feel a bit lost with the whole system.

We will certainly explore with the GP and look into some OT.

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 27/04/2025 12:06

The school must make reasonable adjustments. Assuming it is a state mainstream school, they must also make their best endeavours to meet DD’s SEN. Request a meeting with the SENCO. They may think DD is ‘fine’ but the coke bottle effect shows otherwise. They either aren’t seeing the signs or aren’t recognising them for what they are, but they will be there. If the SENCO refuses to engage with you, speak to the headteacher.

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