Where to get support for violent 7 year old?

[claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer]

Hi, I’m posting here because my daughter is suspected to have ADHD, but is not yet diagnosed. Her behaviour is ok at school although she struggles with concentration. At home things have gotten worse recently and she has explosive tempers. She has thrown things at me, pushed me, hit me. She often gets very close to my face and snarls at me. I don’t know what to do anymore and feel like we need outside support but I don’t know where to start. School are faffing about an ADHD referral (which was their idea in the first place!) and the waiting list is 2 years long. I need help with her behaviour- do I talk to the GP? SENCO? Someone else? We could probably pay for some sort of therapy privately but I don’t know what the best option would be.

Definitely speak to the SENCO. What support is the school currently providing and what have they already tried? The appearing to cope at school and exploding at home signifies unmet needs at school.

You could look at Right to Choose for an ADHD assessment. You can speak to the GP about this.

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Some find non-violent resistance resources &/or PDA strategies (even if DC doesn’t have PDA) useful.

Speak to your GP and focus on the need for urgent support with the behaviour at home and your worries about her violence and mental health, rather than ADHD specifically. Focus on the impact the behaviour is having on you and your family. There should be pathways to occupational therapy, psychologicl support, or a social worker for the violence regardless of any diagnosis.

Thank you both. I’m currently in the middle of The Explosive Child so fingers crossed that will help!

@StrivingForSleep she was put on the SEN register a couple of months ago but I haven’t actually met the SENCO yet. She is in a couple of extra support groups (listening/communication and handwriting) and teachers are aware she needs to be at the front of the class, lots of prompting, instructions broken down. The problems at school are very much that she’s zoning out, struggling to follow instructions or focus on work, etc- she’s not actually actively naughty or disruptive. Whereas at home she’s very loud, active, constantly making silly noises, hanging upside down, and on an absolute hair trigger anytime she’s told no.

Request a meeting with SENCO. Has the school looked to meet DD’s sensory needs at school? That can help with concentration/zoning out/following instructions. It will also help the coke bottle effect at home. The PDA resources are helpful for rewording saying ‘no’.

No, I don’t think they’ve covered any sensory stuff and she is definitely a sensory seeker so will bring that up and see if there’s anything they can do. Thank you

Hey op,

Your dd sounds v similar to my dd7.

We’re also on the waiting list for ADHD & ASD assessment. Have you applied for an EHCP?

Our dd is very strong willed and lashes out when she can’t get her own way (not at school and more so with me than her dad).

I notice a correlation between screen time and her mood. We tried doing screen free mornings over Easter for all 3 of us, not just dd and OMG the difference for all of us was amazing.

I try to keep an ongoing dialogue with dd when we’re together. Give her plenty of notice before we leave the house etc, explaining why we/she needs to do certain things. It’s not always easy but eventually it helps.

Does you dd have sleep problems?

We haven’t applied for an EHCP, she’s managing ok at school for now.

Definitely needs lots of notice and warnings to transition between one thing and another!

No sleep problems really- she has asked to sleep in my bed for the Easter holidays and I’ve let her. There’s clearly something going on with her at the moment and honestly if she wants that extra reassurance right now it’s fine by me

DD might be appearing to manage at school but the exploding at home signifies unmet needs at school. It is called the coke bottle effect.

I get that, but I think we would struggle to justify the need for an EHCP at this point. I’m aware that a lot of people need to battle for them, I would rather have a bit more evidence under our belt, especially when I’m not currently sure what we would actually be asking for