Small primary schools or large primary schools?

[AmIlivingonanotherplanet]

Hi,

Had a little disagreement with DH this morning about what kind of school is right for our 5yo son.
We are on the wait list for an Autism diagnosis (with PDA) after school flagged this (already suspected by us since nursery).
My husband thinks moving him to a larger school would help him make friends and have more opportunities. I disagree and think his current school is what he needs (reception class size this year was 15 pupils but will be going into a year 1&2 class in September so larger number of pupils). He already struggles with making friends, and his 2 'best friends' are both from nursery. He doesn't really try with anyone else although the teachers are trying to get him to interact with the other children. He never talks about anyone at school and doesn't miss not seeing them.
His behaviour at school is great as he masks so well and is reading at a much higher level than his peers (has been reading since he was almost 3). He is very clever and doesn't stop asking questions.
At home, he is a different child and is always arguing and never seems to be happy with anything. He hits, kicks, punches, screams. The simplest request from us ends in him shouting and refusing to do anything. He doesn't learn from any sort of discipline given from his actions.
Just want to see if anyone has changed schools either from small to large or the other way round and found it has made a difference?

I think it is more about the individual school than a blanket small vs large.

I would request a meeting with the SENCO. Appearing to cope at school and exploding at home signifies unmet needs at school. If school life was easier, home life would improve too.

I've not done the move you describe personally but I think it's much more about individual schools than making assumptions based on size. My first step would be to work towards a support package with the current school around emotional regulation and understanding, interacting with peers, and accommodating the demands of the classroom. See what difference this support makes before thinking about changing schools. Does DS have an EHCP?

School isn't the only place to make friends. Would DS be willing/able to do an activity linked to an interest where could interact with other children? Speech therapy can also help with making conversations with others.

It probably depends on the individual schools rather than the size but this is my experience. Admittedly a lot has changed in the 30 years since I went to school but I went to a tiny school (for primary) and fairly small secondary, my daughter is in a large primary (different areas, there aren't small state schools where I live).
Based on that I'd say small school has less sensory overwhelm (there's just less noise, smell, busy with less kids), for academically bright socially immature kids like me it was great as I did the work or the year above and socialised with the year below. Negatives are less resources, potentially being the only SEN kid, and I didn't really find my tribe until I went to a bigger school for sixth form.
My daughter's school is 3 form entry can be very noisy, she says the playground always seems crowded (even though they actually have a reasonable amount of outdoor space for a city school, and at most 4 years are out at once), and she really does look lost in the crowd coming out. On the positive side they are great with SEN kids, have groups for them, calm spaces they can go, a sensory room and a few other bits they've clearly pooled funding to get. She also seems to have a group of genuine friends, likely due to the bigger pool of people to mix with. She does struggle with the sheer size of it, but I'm not sure a smaller school would help much as there'd still be 30 kids in the class.

Highly unlikely to be the only child with SEN in a 0.5 form school.

The sensory environment is down to the individual school too. Some small schools are acoustically poor for DC with certain sensory difficulties, especially some small old village schools.

I don’t think you can decide by size, it’s more about the schools ethos and staff.

DS (AuDHD with pda traits) is in a huge primary but they have a SEN hub which he spends a lot of time in, with amazing staff.

Thanks all 😊
Appreciate your views 🙏