Schools assessment of DS completely different to mine.

[Ninunina01]

A bit of background about DS: He is 5 years old, 6 in July and had quite a severe speech delay. He now speaks fluently but still doesn’t pronounce all sounds and speaks in a more babyish way than his peers. The speech delay has resulted in some academic delays and he is struggling with reading (mainly blending) at school. He is very shy with people he isn’t comfortable with and tends to struggle to make friends, but plays really well with a couple of kids.

DS’s school is concerned about him academically and socially and says he is extremely reserved, academically challenged and feel he requires 1:1 support. The school is pushing for all sorts of assessments, which I am tackling privately, but so far the assessments are not leading to anything definitive. He is being followed by a Speech Therapist and was assessed for verbal dyspraxia, a Play Therapist to focus on his social anxiety and is about undergo an occupational therapy assessment looking for dyspraxia and other sensory issues. The educational psychologist says it’s too early to assess for dyslexia, and we don’t feel autism is relevant here and the speech therapist and play therapist agree with me on this.

DS’s teacher filled in a report ahead of the OT assessment and it’s made me realise that my son is a completely different child in class. For example, it says he is clumsy, spills things easily, never gives eye contact, is unable to follow instructions that aren’t given to him directly, doesn’t show interest in playing and many more things that are not true at home. At home I have a happy, coordinated boy who loves playing with his cousins (same age as him), loves imaginative play, dresses himself, pours glasses of water without spilling a drop etc. There are literacy struggles that may be linked to the speech delay or may be early signs of dyslexia (my daughter is dyslexic). I read the report to a few people who know my son well and they were equally as shocked to hear my son being described this way.
i honestly don’t know what to do next. The next steps are getting him assessed for an auditory processing disorder, getting the full OT assessment, and getting further feedback from the play therapist. My gut is telling me to change my son’s school. He must be so scared at school to be reacting so differently. Spilling things frequently and falling over and avoiding eye contact is the thing that worries me the most. How can I witness my son having a mature conversation with a speech therapist he has never met, but he yet I’m being told he doesn’t speak at all to his teachers. It is a private school that has a great outdoor programme, but I feel doesn’t understand or support quiet children and has a reputation for pushing children to be assessed for learning difficulties in order to get additional support (which are government funded).
I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel sick!

He must be so scared at school to be reacting so differently.
There is also the difference between one-to-one and a classroom setting.

It isn’t uncommon for DC to present differently in school and at home. They are completely different environments. It doesn’t always mean DC are scared.

What support is the school providing? Does DS have an EHCP?

I understand that he will be different in class vs at home, but not so different to how I observe him at parties, extra curricular lessons and in social situations where there are many unfamiliar people. I’ve also witnessed him playing with his friends in the playground (when he wasn’t aware I could see him) and he is totally different to what the teacher described, so he must be like this only in the classroom. He currently receives some literacy support. I’m not in the UK so I’m not sure what EHCP is.

School is a very different environment to parties, extra curricular lessons and out of school social situations. Even the school playground is different to the rest of school time. It doesn't necessarily mean DS is scared.

An EHCP won’t apply, but it is a document setting out what support is needed. Do you have anything similar where you are? Other than literacy support, is the school providing anything else, e.g. emotional regulation support, support with interaction and communication?

He is not currently receiving any support at school. I am sending him to therapy and they are interacting with the school. These therapists will then coordinate with the wellbeing team at school once they’ve concluded their assessments.

I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your little boy. From what you've described, he sounds like an absolutely lovely child who, despite having had a speech delay, is incredibly resilient in how he’s navigating the world. In a society where speech is the gateway to so much, speech delays can be especially tough. From what I’m reading, his current presentation aligns completely with a history of speech delay.

At this stage, I’d be cautious about pushing for a host of assessments, as many of them may not provide much clarity at his age. In my experience as an educational psychologist based in the UK, also working in private international schools, I’ve seen questionable practices where children are quickly pathologised when they don't fit into their educational norms or glossy school adverts. This can be particularly prevalent in private settings. It sounds like your son is already receiving a lot of support at this young age.

I know it can be hard to push back when you're being told by educational professionals that something is "wrong" with your child, but in your case, I would argue that his speech delay is the primary factor in his current challenges. Given how recently speech has become a tool for him to interact with the world, he should be given the time and space to catch up. It's important that he’s provided with nurturing relationships and encouragement to build confidence by engaging in activities that alow him to experience success.

I’d also suggest that his teachers help foster positive relationships with him, which can help improve his social comfort. Simple catch-up sessions or small adjustments to his literacy work, such as no more than 10 minutes a day of focused work, could help him develop without overwhelming him.

At the end of the day, you are his best advocate, and you know him better than anyone. Trust your instincts, and you’ll know if something isn’t right. Wishing you and your family all the best as you navigate this.

That is probably part of the issue. DS needs support in school.

I have been pushing back to a certain extent, but probably need to push more. Thank you for the advise, I really appreciate it. So far I’ve refused to get him assessed for adhd until the other assessments have been concluded since I am very hesitant of getting him misdiagnosed. The speech and play therapist agree with me on this and feel that he can easily be misdiagnosed, and many of the schools concerns can be explained by the speech delay and the fact that he is socially anxious. So far Oral Dyspraxia (or is it apraxia?) has been ruled out. There is a phonetic delay (most is still age appropriate, but some that we can help him with. We are hoping to rule out (or confirm) auditory processing disorder. Dyspraxia doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense to me, though I have noticed he finds it difficult for play football and dribble the ball with his feet). He had a poor pencil grip, but this has improved a lot recently. The OT will assess him on this in a couple of weeks.

My gut feel is that most of this is related to a speech delay and there may be some warning signs for dyslexia. I see my child is coming on in leaps and bounds. He progressed a lot this year, he writes his letters and numbers, knows the sounds, can figure out how to spell words, can read some cvc words, has learned most of the tricky words, knows basic addition. This is a vast improvement to the start of the year. He may not be showing all this to his teacher, but he is learning it and I am personally thrilled with the progress he is making. My issue is that I want him to get support if that is what he needs, but I don’t want him labelled with something he doesn’t have.

I feel a bit let down with the school since they are pushing me for all these assessments, but yet haven’t provided him with any support to help him socially. I feel he’s the “forgotten one” who the teacher doesn’t have time for. I feel awful in saying this because I am a teacher and I know the lengths I go to in order to help a child who is struggling.

I'm a 121 support person in a school and have DC with additional needs. I wouldn't disagree with any of your assessments of your DC but I would say don't underestimate the scaffolding effect of a trusted adult for some DC. I have worked with DC who can't seem to sort out say, b from d with one adult who can then read fluently with another. Sor agree with asking the school to work on relationships to DC as a first step.

Secondarily wonder why you would object to extra resource being sought for your child - when I am not doing 121 support for specific children I work through the upper classes, reading individually with all of them on something they enjoy. Without exception, they benefit from the extra attention, additional relationship amd personal interest that that 10/15 mins constitutes, including the exceptionally bright, able and confident children. So I wouldn't resist extra attention personally and feel sure as your DC develops in confidence and no longer needs the extra attention, the dx will be reviewed? Obviously it's not my circus in any way - just know I would take any extra anything my own DC is offered led (although they do have additional needs so maybe that skews my view).

I’m not objecting to additional resource. I’ve accepted literacy support, and am taking him to 4 different therapists, but I’m refusing to pay thousands doing private assessments to test for things randomly until the speech therapist, occupational therapist and play therapist have concluded their assessments. I am paying for all of this privately and I don’t want to have to pay thousands doing an assessment that will result in a misdiagnosis of ADHD or an autism assessment that I really don’t believe is the case.
Just to be clear, I have a daughter with ADHD and another with Dyslexia. I took my children to be assessed based on my personal observations, so I am not the type to bury my head in the sand, but if I know with full certainty that autism doesn’t make sense for my child and he can easily be misdiagnosed with with inattentive adhd, so I am not going to rush him for a private assessment, especially when the way he is presenting still fits in with a child who had a speech delay.