I wish I'd never had children

[IllBeFrankYouBeBob]

I'm sure I'll be roasted alive.

DS is 6 and has ASD. He does nothing alone. Doesn't stop talking. Will not leave me alone. Needs everything explained. Even doing a shop with him is exhausting.

DD is 4 and likely has ASD as well..today she has had four meltdowns involving raining blows on me. She's still awake now, sobbing if I leave the room.

I hate it. If I had a time machine I wouldn't have had them.

Sorry things are so tough right now. Do you and DC have any support?

Home Start may be able to support you. Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the children with disabilities team for DC. Also look at your local short breaks offer.

You sound exhausted and in need of support and a break.

Some local authorities run play schemes in the school holidays for children with additional needs. Might be worth exploring.

Are there any SEN/ autism specific parent support groups or clubs nearby? It can really help to speak to others in a similar situation.
Could you do online food shopping to avoid the added stress?

Have you been on any post diagnostic parent programmes such as NAS Early Bird/ Early Bird Plus or Cygnet? You would meet other parents and learn behaviour management strategies and understanding sensory needs, communication tips.

Hopefully things will improve. It can be helpful to choose a time in the year and look back to see what has improved for you and your child over 12 months.
Be kind to yourself maybe speak to your GP if you are struggling.

You need support, and a break. It’s so very tough caring for one child with disabilities and you have two. You need a handhold, is there anything you need help with getting more support for you and the children, share it, we will help

I don't really know what to say. It's not always this tough. DD has just been in hospital and had two and a half weeks off nursery before the holidays so I've not been away from her. I had a meeting this evening and DH had to peel her off me.

I feel emotionally wrung out. Tired of things not just being nice. Every game or idea today has ended in misery.

Im just. Spent. I'm dealing with a big personal trauma and I don't really feel like anything is going to ever be nice.

Just the hospital for DD must have been hard for you on top of everything else
No wonder your mood is so low. Be kind to yourself and get breaks or rest when you can.
If you feel able go and see your GP for support.

I'm on citalopram but to be honest it's external things that are hard I think rather than my own hormonal balance

That sounded MASSIVELY arsey and I didn't mean it to!

I hear you. Today gas been a "difficult" day.

@IllBeFrankYouBeBob
Hi there , just thought I'd message to say hope your feeling abit better, less rung out? . I'm in same boat emotionally pretty much . Exhausted and depleted . Just a hand hold really .

No better really.

Stupid thing is I'm hugely broody. It's like I want to do it again in the hope the experience is a bit more enjoyable.

Thanks for reply . And your honesty too. It's refreshing . My dd3 is 5 , she has asd/ adhd , the meltdowns are awful. The level of demands. Non stop . Its exhausting.

Do you think you'll go in for third?

Id love to but DH is resolutely against.

Well maybe in time . All the best 👍

I doubt it. Kids are four and six I don't think he will want to go back

What about you?

Just wanted to join in that today has been really hard for me too. I have one DS 9 who’s recently diagnosed asd and adhd, another DS 5 who I suspect has some form of ND. We have had huge melt downs from eldest today. He has lashed out repeatedly. I feel out of control, like a failure and have no idea how to manage my children. I feel like nobody I know irl can relate. 😭

@IllBeFrankYouBeBob Hi , absolutely 💯 I won't be having anymore. My two youngest have 15months between them.. both asd & adhd . It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life in so many different ways . My daughters meltdowns are horrendous. And I'm always on egde because of one happening. My nerves are truly frayed. So it's definitely no more for me lol . I'm desperate for life to feel easier .

@Chinup100 hi there , just to say I completely hear you. As you say its that feeling out of control. Think you only know what it feels like when you experience it. And yes alot of my friends have NT children so just have no idea of the weight I'm carrying, everyday. Always.. hand hold x

Have you tried melatonin for your DD sleep? It’s been great for our autistic 5 year old. And has reduced nighttime meltdowns.

I have a dd7 and waiting an on an assessment for ASD/ADHD.

Just wanted to say hang on in there 💐

I’ve had days when I feel I can’t face the constant battles with dd. It can be exhausting and frustrating. And combined with external stresses can be horrendous to cope with it all.

You’ve had lots of great tips to go on. My advice is try and celebrate the small wins when they happen. For instance, my dd is a very fussy eater. She won’t touch fruit at all but today she ate a banana. I nearly cried I was so happy, I’m actually filling up writing this now!

Nothing stays the same forever OP and good luck for better times ahead x

Hang in there. Having one child with ASD is hard, two doubly so. Saying that, while we still have bad days my 9 year old DD is so much better than she was at 4 or even at 6. Part of that is that we understand her and her needs better, and part is that she's getting a lot more support at school, but a think a lot of the improvements are just that she's got older and her understanding has improved. She still doesn't much like being alone, but will amuse herself for short periods of time. While she does still have meltdowns, at least some of these have been replaced by her taking herself off to a quiet place when she feels it's all getting too much.

@Justploddingonandon
HI , Thanks for replying and the positive message really . I've been told by quite alot of people with autistic dd that the meltdowns improve with age , they can regulate abit better and as you say go to a quiet place etc .
Was your dd fully verbal at 5?

Glad to hear it's got easier for you & DD .

She was. That was about the age I realised she was likely autistic, and suddenly it made sense why parenting her like I had her brother didn't work.

@Justploddingonandon
Hi yes I hear you . Definitely different parenting asd child. Glad your DD got easier with age x

Honestly Mum, you’re doing a great job. Hang in there. My son has autism and adhd. He’s 15 now but, I definitely remember how arduous and difficult he was from age 2- 7. He found it hard to articulate his feelings and, was terrible for sleeping. He was often awake past 1 am. Have you tried melatonin? It’s not for everyone but, it’s been a game changer for my son. Lack of sleep can create chaos. It’s still difficult now but, in a different way. Best of luck.

I have no advice to give as I’m in the same boat currently lol just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone! I have a 6 year old with ASD and a recently diagnosed 4 year old.