Where to start if you think your child might have SEN?

[NoShelfContro1]

Thank you for any support. I’ve just joined MN after years of lurking.

My son is 9 (Year 4) and has always been quirky. I remember when he was 3 him being terribly upset putting his shoes on. Turns out he didn’t like the feeling of his socks but he wasn’t able to say. After that we put his socks on inside out and he liked that much better. He likes soft clothes and soft pyjamas and for years has only eaten the same 8 or 9 foods. He’s trying more new things now but he has a lot of worries and anxieties which we work hard to support him through and he comes in to our bed for a cuddle every morning which we don’t mind at all. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, just a couple of chums but he’s always seemed happy enough in his own company. He enjoys Lego, Roblox, Minecraft, playing board games with us, making Lego stop motions, reading, playing archery in the garden. He is very well behaved and compliant, he has a good vocabulary and is emotionally intelligent showing lots of empathy and kindness to others. He struggles when he doesn’t understand something, or when he feels like he’s made the wrong decision. He is gentle and has a speech impediment which makes him slow to get his words out.
I have, in the past, asked his school for help with his speech and as a result he gets extra forest school. This is to encourage him to talk more in a smaller group. He has plenty to say, but he stops in the middle of most of his sentences which means other people often start talking. At home we allow him time to get his words out but of course the real world is faster paced than that.

At Parents Evening in the past, developmental delay has been mentioned. He works well, but takes a very long time to get started. He gets unusually upset if he doesn’t understand the work and his handwriting is messier than other kids his age i.e. he forgets to do finger spaces between his words.
I work in a secondary school (not a teacher) so I see lots of young people, and see a lot of ADHD/Autism and my sons behaviour does not really match what I have observed in young people with those diagnoses. But I also know that he isn’t quite meeting the milestones we would expect.
I am concerned as we get closer to secondary that he will not thrive in a place so busy and loud. I also think that he might need more time in exams to fully reach his potential..
So, and if you have got this far I thank you. At our latest Parents Evening, I asked that it might be time to get the SENCO involved as he is not developing as you might expect. His teacher said we should also book a visit with the GP. But I just don’t know what to say. How do I find out how to best help and support my boy? His teacher said that if they refer him (I don’t know who to) they would need to build up a body of evidence, which takes ages, and the problem with my son is that he is so well behaved at school that he doesn’t cause an issue, but when he comes home he can be rendered immobile or be devastated by a worry that has lingered throughout the day.

Who can I call on to get him the help he needs to make sure he is ok as he grows up? Thank you.

Request an ECHNA. Use the info on the Ipsea website to help. You do not have to build up a body of evidence first.

You are right to want to do some unpicking before secondary school. Your son sounds lovely and you seem to have identified some areas of need.

If the SENCO isn’t putting any extra interventions or strategies in place I’d start with a meeting outlining your concerns and requesting more support or strategies. Ask about Lego Therapy.
Pathways for any diagnosis or referrals can vary depending on where you live. The SENCO should be able to advise. The Local Offer for your LA is also a good starting point.

Other things to explore

Speech and Language assessment. Google Developmental Language Disorder which could explain some of his difficulties.

Sensory Processing Disorder requires a specialist OT assessment ( not all OTs are qualified. Some Speech Therapists can train as Sensory Integration Therapists.)

EP assessment request via school ( usually a service level agreement in place)

ARFID again specialist diagnosis. There’s a Facebook page and lots of books and info online.

Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children , Dr Gillian Harris Dr Elizabeth Shea
and
Autistic Teen’s Avoidant Eating Book Dr Liz Shea
(dedicated to our daughter)

Your GP can refer you to the Neurodevelopmental Pathway. Waiting lists are long.
Support should not depend on diagnosis but is based on level of need.

Hope you find something to help. I’d recommend starting with Speech. They can also explore social communication and interaction skills.

There are two aspects. Referral for diagnostic assessment and support in school.

I would request a meeting with the SENCO. The school should be providing more support. That isn’t dependent on a diagnosis. The school must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments. As pp suggested, request an EHCNA.

Has DS had an OT assessment? What are his other fine and gross motor skills like? Has DS tried using a laptop or tablet for recording work?

For sensory issues, some find the Out of Sync Child book helpful. Sensory OT isn’t commissioned in all ICBs but if it is in your area, it is worth a referral - in some areas you can self refer. Have you tried seamless and seamfree socks?

Is DS under SALT? If not, it is worth a referral. In lots of areas you can self refer.

Diagnosis wise, there are options other than ASD and ADHD. For example, DCD. However, I wouldn’t rule out autism - nothing you have written rules that out and there are several parts that suggest it may be a possibility.

Thank you so much everyone. It looks like making an appointment with the school SENCO is a good place to start. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to say 'I think my child has x' but i shouldn't let that be a barrier.

@StrivingForSleep He is sometimes given an ipad to record his work as his writing is slow. We've solved the sock issue for now but new ones crop up all the time (the most recent was his new duvet cover which was rejected after a couple of nights because it was too 'crunchy'!

@24Dogcuddler Thank you for the book recommendations, I hadn't heard of Developmental Language Disorder but there are some things that align.

I will book to see the SENCO and also try the GP - we've got an appointment this afternoon because he is doing something odd with his breathing and I can't tell if it's a tic or something physical like asthma.

@NoShelfContro1
Good luck with your meeting and any referrals.
The breathing could be anxiety related but it’s great that you are seeing your GP to check.
I’d outline the difficulties and concerns in your original post and maybe take notes so that you remember everything. You may get a referral to a Paediatrician.

You definitely don’t need to be able to say you think DS has X before speaking to the SENCO.