Roblox causing issues (ASD)

[BadgerHawk]

Heya,

My daughter is 8 (ASD diagnosis) and very into Roblox. It’s getting increasingly hard to get her to come off her game. This evening she refused despite being told at 30 mins, 20, mins, 10 and 5 that it was nearly time to come off. She started shouting at me and flat out refused as she hadn’t finished her round. She’s been into Roblox for years but seems to have become more obsessive since she started playing this ‘Dandy’s world’ on there.

In the end I felt I had no choice but to just take the ipad off her which resulted in lots of shouting and screaming. I’ve told her she’s not having it back until Friday evening and that her behaviour this evening has not been acceptable. Husband had to step in as she was screaming so much and lunging at me to try get her ipad back.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? And what did you do? Strict time limitations or take it away all together? She’s also always fighting with her older sister about this game on Roblox so it’s causing other issues as well.

I’m am tempted to just say no Roblox at all but at the same time I guess it’s her specialist interest so I also feel like taking it away completely is a bit harsh? My husband says I’m a soft touch and that we have plenty of other stuff for her to do so we should just ban it all together. He said ultimately it’s up to me though. I feel so conflicted.

Any of your personal experiences, thoughts, or any advice would be much appreciated!

I’ve also added a poll 😂

If you got this far, thanks!

Also just realised I’ve posted this in wrong place. My bad!

This is a common problem for lots of children and parents, time spent gaming. As with most things this is intensified if your child is ND.

Often special interests are even more intense during periods of stress. Taking it away completely will no doubt add to her anxiety.
Every day should be a new start, clean slate so a knee jerk “ no iPad til Friday” is something you can’t back down from and will no doubt cause more distress for all of you.

Shouting and screaming will also escalate any situation. I know it is really tough (personal and professional experience) but try to stay calm,use little or no language and if needed remove yourself from the situation if she’s having a meltdown.

I would not recommend banning at all. As long as a special interest is age appropriate and not harmful it can be used to your advantage. You do need to help her with some rules and boundaries or rewards.

“Nearly time” to come off is too vague a concept and you need set times and clear representation e.g.a visual timer.

Use first and then so that the iPad time is following something she needs to do e.g. mealtime, homework, shower

Set up a clear timetable with limits e.g. no before school use, 1 hour on a school night ( or what you agree) longer at weekends but still structured.
Add in a possibility of earning extra time rather than taking time away.

Some parents even put this into a shared signed contract
(you will find some online) so that it doesn’t turn into a “ but you said…” argument.

Make sure expectations and rules for use are clear and represented visually whatever you decide. A joint approach is needed for consistency.

If she responds to social stories a bespoke one might help her to understand why she can’t be on her game all of the time.

Look for other ways to channel her Roblox interest including books, toys, colouring, crafting etc.

Speak to the SENCO if it is becoming a problem as it may affect her behaviour in school.

Your post is in the right place for support and advice. Good luck.

My daughter too is a nightmare over Roblox 🙄 she’s not been interested in her tablet for ages and now is obsessed, I’m hoping it’s just one of those things that changes in a few months, the way I get her off is holding the button to turn it off and saying oh no it needs charging, it seems the only way without the screaming lasting for to long

Can you put a timer on Alexa or similar? That's what we do. Makes it more impersonal.

Hello,
You mentioned your daughter “hadn’t finished her round” - maybe try to discuss this area and identify how long a round lasts and then set a rule about how many rounds she is allowed each day etc.

For my son, I usually warn him when I'm cooking dinner not to start any new matches. He plays a football game. Generally this works, although extra time has caused him the consequence of a cold dinner!

I use this on an android tablet but assume iPad has something similar: I set up all limits on a parent link app. Somehow it is less personal and harder for them to argue for 'just 5 more minutes' even though I could obviously give them that. It also gives them a countdown from 10 minutes left so they quickly learn what they can and cannot do in that time. It's not perfect but I feel it helps me stay in charge of the situation.

I'd second this. As a parent, I would always play the game myself first to get an idea whether it's appropriate, but also of how it works. E.g. if you have to fight and work for hours/days to get to a final challenge and then would have to switch off right in the middle of the final boss fight, I would get a violent meltdown, too, the sensible adult I usually am 😂. So maybe agree limits in terms of 'rounds', 'after the next saving place', 'only one campagne' etc, depending on the game.

This sounds like our house so wanted to comment. Our son is 8, and has loved Roblox enormously for over a year now.

I would feel terrible depriving him of what he loves to do but on the other hand it would also clearly be very bad if he did nothing else. Therefore, our rules are that he is allowed 1 hour per day before or after tea time. That keeps it fresh for him and in our view isn't OTT. It also means we have a "stick" we can use "...if you don't do x y or z there'll be no Roblox today....". Not been had to use it though thankfully.

I also agree wholeheartedly with the person that said they try and understand the game and allow their child to stop at a convenient moment. One problem with that is there are thousands of games on Roblox so unless your child plays only one or two it can be impractical. When the hour is up, I usually start asking questions about what he's doing and then say something like "...ok George, after you've made the next pizza you're gonna have to get off ok ?"

Ultimately, despite trying to "help" him getting off the game, there is a 100%, non-negotiable brick wall whereby he has to get off (the laptop will be removed). Used about twice over a year. He knows its there and like me doesn't want that to happen so usually if he's had the hour and the level is over he is fine to stop.

We have removed roblox in our house. Roblox itself has a very poor track record and systemic weaknesses in its safeguarding. There have been many negative things in the press around it's processes, poor moderation, backlogs and a high number of prosecutions related to online grooming and abuse. For a game that's meant to be aimed at younger kids and pre teens, there are a lot of adult users and quite a dark side.

Aside from that, and the main issue for us was it is a very very cleverly designed game that absolutely gets its hooks in.

The games can't be paused and you lose your progress if you don't continue. This is pretty much impossible for my kids to cope with, especially the ND ones and is a recipe for resistance, bargaining, begging and meltdowns. It creates this overwhelming sense of urgency for them.

There are lots of games they can comply with time limits and disengage from, but pretty much any game designed to lose your progress and not be paused was just beyond their ability to regulate or my ability to police.

They quickly found other games to entertain themselves and the house is far less explosive ever since. A year on and we haven't looked back.

I think get to know the game yourself and see if you think you can police it, and whether your child's ability to regulate matches the pressures the game puts on them during the gameplay. For us, the answer was a definite no.