Reception child lashing out

[LAM1407]

I'd love to hear others thoughts on this.

There is a little girl in my DDs reception class who has autism. She is lovely until something triggers her, she has hit out at at least 5 other children (some on numerous occasions) since after the Christmas break, the latest was my DD yesterday. She was sitting with some friends playing when the other girl came up and thumped her in the leg.
She seems to get attached to other children for a while before moving on, and the last few days it's seems to be my daughter so think it may be from jealousy of DD playing with others or whoever else she's taken a liking to that week.
There has not been any notification from the school when the incidents have come up, but when is parents have been told by the children on the recieving end, and this has been questioned with school they do acknowledge the incidents have occured. All that seems to happen is they take the girl into a designated area to cool off for 5 mins. Is that all that should be expected? Will she learn not to hit others by effectively being put on the naughty step for a few mins? What about the other kids who get hit, what effect could it have on them, and their relationship/understanding of the other girl.
I feel like telling DD to distance herself so she doesn't get hit again but at the same time don't want to isolate the other girl (DD is quite influential with her peers at the moment)

Focus on how the school is keeping your child safe. They can’t discuss other children or how they are supporting them.

I'm a parent of a reception child with autism who can physically lash out. With respect, how the school are helping this girl learn to manage her emotions and behaviour isn't any of your business, and it isn't something that your DD would necessarily be aware of either. I'm sure other parents know my DS has bitten other children; they don't need to know about his speech therapy or emotional regulation teaching.

If you want to help your DD understand this other girl, you might explain that some people find it harder than others to control their emotions. If this girl hits her, she isn't mean or nasty, and she doesn't enjoy hurting people; she is probably finding school hard and her emotions are overwhelming her (maybe your DD can think of a time she couldn't stop crying as an example). The teachers will be helping her to manage this.

Of course, your DD shouldn't be getting hit and you can ask the school how they are going to avoid this happening again. Your DD can decide not to play with this girl without bringing other children into it, or she might want to think about kind and calm ways to end a game if this girl hits.

I'm the parent of a child who can hit out.

All that seems to happen is they take the girl into a designated area to cool off for 5 mins. Is that all that should be expected?

I'm not sure what you're expecting tbh.
What is it your wanting to happen?

I can assure you though it's not jealously.
Autistic people have a lot of triggers and struggle socially.
They also don't always go for the same child. It's whoever is closest to them. As in space.

What about the other kids who get hit, what effect could it have on them, and their relationship/understanding of the other girl.

Can also say she won't be the only person hitting someone throughout school life. You'd be surprised how many other children do it. Especially the first few year.

I feel like telling DD to distance herself so she doesn't get hit again but at the same time don't want to isolate the other girl (DD is quite influential with her peers at the moment)

As pp, I would explain to your DD how others struggle.

The school needs to look after the other girl and also keep the other children safe.

As a parent you can keep asking the school how they are keeping your child safe, and discuss strategies with your child too. She is allowed to avoid the other girl to stay safe if she wishes even whilst understanding the other child struggles with emotions.

I would hope that by repeatedly flagging to the school it would help them build up a picture of 'need' for the other girl which would help in applying for an EHCP and eg a 1-1 TA at playtimes.

It's really difficult for schools and pupils. My children are also autistic but would never hit. My son however was in a class with a very dysregulated child and couldn't bare being constantly thumped (he is hypersensitive to touch). He developed massive school anxiety and in the end we had to take my son out of school as of course the school couldn't lock the dysregulated child away. They had many mediation meetings etc. We also tried to explain to our son that it wasn't personal and just a way for the other child to find stimulation/release emotion and energy but unfortunately such behaviour can, as OP rightly asks, have significant implications on the other children. In case of my son, it caused extreme anxiety and school avoidance and we had to remove him from school. He is now without a school place and I try to educate him at home as best as I can. The random hitting has made him afraid and weary of social encounters in general.

Focus on your child and how she is being kept safe. Keep flagging this to the school and governors if necessary. This can sometimes be helpful for the school to apply for funding to support her.

The girl who is hitting is not your concern at all. She is clearly dysregulated and is communicating this via her behaviour. It's up to school and parents to find a solution. You have no idea what they will be doing to support her and frankly neither should you.