Please or to access all these features

SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

How to help DD (17) find friends

4 replies

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/03/2025 16:22

Hi all DD has been out of school since February 2023 when she suffered autistic burnout. We've had periods over the last two years when she couldn't leave the house, and now are at the stage where she will go for a drive with us and is doing online A levels.

However she is desperate to have friends in real life and insists the only way to do this is by going to school.

I will list the things she won't do:
Continue with online school
Go to a school in our town
Go to college
Try to get friends through work or hobbies
Go to boarding school (we can't afford this but if it would work I'd sell what I can to pay the fees)
Contact her old school friends
Contact any of the girls we know in our local area
Let us move to a new area so she can start fresh (yes we really are that desperate now!)

Realistically I think online school is her best bet and making friends through other activities. She insists that's not possible.
I wondered if the hive mind of MN might have any suggestions? Have you faced similar and been able to persuade your autistic teen to do things?

If you don't have an autistic child please don't reply because believe me I've tried everything you might try with a neurotypical teen. I am hoping for advice from people who have been here and moved on.

It is killing us - I had a cry in a cafe at the weekend as there were a group of teens having a chat and DD was at home in her room as always

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 03/03/2025 16:38

Does DD have an EHCP? Has she had SALT and OT assessments? Any MH therapies? Would she go to an AP?

Would DD socialise online in a group that could then translate to some F2F interaction? Does DD have any hobbies where she could join a group e.g. a sports group, book club, art group, gaming group?

Would DD go to a youth club for autistic individuals?

Would she be willing to try a PA?

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/03/2025 16:46

The is for replying. She doesn't have an EHCP that was one of the many issues with her previous school - they said she coped fine at school so needed to just be brave. Their help was mainly coming out to our car and forcing her out and into class - which traumatised her.

What's an AP?

She's very reluctant to join any online groups but if you know any good ones I'd appreciate suggestions. She is very black and white in her thinking and has decided she wants real life friends today

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 03/03/2025 16:58

You/DD can request an EHCNA. You don’t need a school or college to do it. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

An AP is an alternative provision. They come in many forms from things like care farms to gaming APs to sports or music or tuition centres…

Online groups would depend on DD’s interests. For example, Spectrum Gaming and Lord Foxley might be worth a look if DD likes gaming.

What does DD enjoy doing?

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/03/2025 17:04

Ah great thanks her online school is being a lot more helpful than her in person school so that's good!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page