Newbie with a teen.

[Blindsidedandconfused]

My dd14 developed an ED in late 2023 and although the ED has been treated, dd is still dealing with significant overwhelm, sleep issues(been an issue prior to the ED), organisational skills are non existent and she’s stated that she even struggles to remember to go to the bathroom. Students are not allowed to go during class and is forgetting to go between classes until she’s absolutely bursting. She states that she believes she was masking through primary school as there was no clear indications that she struggled and no concerns were raised. Her friends in primary were neurodiverse and she was reading chapter books before starting school(age 5) as we were overseas(in an english speaking country). This has all really surfaced since last year. I genuinely believe she was more independent age 7, in terms of activities of daily living and being able to follow multi step instructions. I’m at breaking point with it all.
Can anyone please shed light or give me any advice as this is completely new territory for me? I’m really sorry if I’ve said anything I shouldn’t(please let me know so I can make sure I don’t do so in future)

Are you both thinking possible ASD? That would be my thought too. School had no concerns with DS either at primary school, if you don't cause any problems you tend to fly under the radar. He was diagnosed around Secondary school age when the differences became more apparent.

Her friends at Primary were probably ND because she got them and they got her. IME it's not unusual for ASD symptoms to suddenly become a lot more obvious in girls in early teens and for the wheels to suddenly start to fall off. They tend to be better at masking than boys.

It's sounds like she's really struggling with executive function which is very common in ASD and ADHD. ED's are also quite common with both. How is she coping socially? I expect she would have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when that was still a thing - are you able to get her assessed?

I would speak to the school about getting her a card to use to go to the loo during lesson times and perhaps also talk to them about the overwhelm she is feeling. Is there a good SENCO at her school? Does she have a safe space she can go to if she is feeling overwhelmed at school?

Thanks so much for replying. She is convinced that it’s Adhd due to the constant chatter and “multiple conversations” playing in her head all the time(not hearing voices but what sounds like constant “multitasking with her mind”) as well as interests constantly changing. We are also dealing with sensory overload so relying heavily on noise cancelling headphones
Thinking for her what was add but now adhd inattentive type.
I’m also considering possible AuDHD due to family history of asd. DH is not diagnosed but I would put money on him having asd( also strong paternal family history of asd)
i know in girls there is significant overlap between both adhd and asd. I’m utterly confused and exhausted as I just feel like I’m constantly “fire fighting”

She’s got a great wee group of friends since the start of the school year. A mixture of neurodiverse and neurotypical girls but they are all very much a cohesive group. They all embrace each others needs or quirkiness. The school are about as much help as a chocolate teapot but she doesn’t want to leave her friends. Feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place

Has DD been referred for ASD and ADHD assessments?

Can she be given a pass to enable her to go to the toilet during lesson time? Are you still oversees?

Is DD still receiving MH support and has she had OT and SALT assessments?

No not overseas, only mentioned that part to say that she was reading before she started school, had we been in Scotland before then I believe she would have been 4 when she started.
camhs “ditched us” once dd got to a safe weight and dd was eating regularly so I’m not sure where to go from here. I Ideally don’t want to but I’m willing to follow things up privately if needed but it’s a minefield.

Speak to the school again. They should be providing support. Enquire are helpful for all things related to the Scottish ASL system.

@Lyn397 and @StrivingForSleep thank you so much for your advice, it is really appreciated.

Is there a “buzz word” of who to ask for when I contact the school otherwise I feel like I’ll get based from pillar to post.

The person responsible is the Principle Teacher of Support for Learning/Additional Support Needs.

Can’t sleep as I’m so angry with DH. She doesn’t have ADHD because she doesn’t have the H! He knows what hyperactivity is and she’s not it. Told him that you don’t need to have hyperactivity and that it presents differently in girls. He’s the sole income earner so I don’t think he will pay for private assessment and god knows how many years the wait will be on the NHS. It’s bad enough having to battle the school but having DH work against me is almost too much. My sanity is being tested to the limit!

Bumping, as really struggling to get my head around it all.