School help please

[Whattodotodotodo]

Please help, I am so lost.

My son is a lovely boy. Cuddly, sweet, caring - VERY sensitive. Speech, Language and Communication needs, sensory seeking, ASD &ADHD - so he is impulsive/compulsive. He is clever but his attention means he is behind on reading/writing. Possible dyslexia/dispraxia.

The problem is:

He is so easily led. If he sees anyone do anything "naughty" he joins in and takes it to the next level unless met with complete positive energy and redirection. He was doing great at his specialist school for the first year but now someone has joined with behaviour that isn't appropriate and my son is copying this.

I will move anywhere in the UK to find him a gentle and understanding school but everything that seems like it would be a good fit e.g. SEMH schools all seem to indicate that they take students who are regularly violent/cursing/generally misbehaving?

Though I don't know if a "gentle" school would even consider him now that this is on his record?

Any school suggestions for year 2? Thank you.

SEMH schools would be completely the wrong environment from what you describe. Many SEMH schools have pupils with significant behaviours that challenge. If DS has ASD, have you looked at ASD schools?

Be careful moving. Moving country within the UK means moving SEN systems. Even moving within the same country can be risky, e.g. moving within England means the new LA will review the EHCP and potentially propose to cease to maintain or amend - you would have the right of appeal but it is something you need to be aware of. You might be better looking for schools within travelling distance.

Have you spoken to the current school? Can they rejig the classes to separate DS and the other pupil? Is DS being sufficiently supervised?

@StrivingForSleep

Thank you. Yes, I think we have looked at every special and specialist school in the county and have been through the hell that is tribunal and LA negligence so we aren't approaching this lightly.

Unfortunately there isn't enough space to keep the kids apart at his current school. They have separated my son from the other kids now but that can't go on forever and my son is so unhappy and claustrophobic which is making his behaviour worse.

It seems like ADHD is lumped into SEMH but doesn't seem properly catered for at ASD schools? Also, I don't think they understand his anxiety and how that feeds into his disengaging.

I would homeschool but I have health issues and can't drive so we would be isolated.

Even if the school can’t change classes, have they increased supervision for both DC?

Many pupils in ASD special schools will have co-morbidities, including ADHD, dyslexia, DCD and anxiety. For someone whose primary need is ASD, ASD schools should still be able to meet needs. What support, including therapies, is in the EHCP currently and is it being provided?

Have you looked in neighbouring LAs, including independent and non-maintained options that are within travelling distance (typically considered 45 mins at primary, although some travel further)? If you post on MN, someone may have a suggestion.

If you want to look elsewhere in England, you could look at Alderwasley Hall school in Derbyshire, some of Cavendish’s special schools (e.g. Chelsea Hall in Wandsworth, Holmewood in Barnet, Hardwick House in Leicestershire, Heathermount in Berkshire), Hillingdon Manor in Hillingdon, The Rise in Hounslow, Unsted Park in Surrey.

However, what you describe covers a wide range of needs, so they won’t all be suitable. All have DC who display dysregulated behaviour at times. That is the nature of most special schools. But they don’t have the level of VCB the majority of SEMH schools have. Some of the above don’t take until Y3, but if DS is Y2 now, realistically you are looking at Y3, anyway.

If ASD specific schools won’t admit, you could look at somewhere like Brantridge and Muntham House both in West Sussex, Wilds Lodge in Rutland. All have DC with SEMH as well as ASD. Gretton in Cambridgeshire is an ASD school but has DC with SEMH needs in addition.

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE. If it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school, I would look at EOTAS/EOTIS.

Thank you so very much for all of your help @StrivingForSleep

"Even if the school can’t change classes, have they increased supervision for both DC?"

• Sort of, they have said they can't add extra staff. They have said as a specialist school that the LA will not fund 1-1 support (they have tried many times before). So they are doing the best they can with 8/9 kids and 3 staff with cover from time to time by SLT and other teachers at lunch etc.

"Have you looked in neighbouring LAs, including independent and non-maintained options that are within travelling distance (typically considered 45 mins at primary, although some travel further)?"

• Yes, my son's journey to school is over an hour away in another county. The school is independent.

Thank you for the helpful list of schools. My son is in year 1 so would love to find a school for year 2 but there seem to be fewer options.

I feel like every school sees my child as "hard work" - he requires constant attention and engagement (I mean 100% at all times!!), ever increasing novelty of activities and unwavering positivity. He never wants to go into school and always says he feels trapped.

I know EOTAS would be perfect for him but would not work for me at all.

LAs can and do fund 1:1 in SS. Often only via appeal, though.

Some of the schools I mentioned take Y2s. There are others too. Although if you want to move and then you might need to appeal, you could well be looking at late Y2/ or Y3, anyway.

Why do you think EOTAS wouldn’t work for you? That is a genuine question; I’m not being funny. I ask because there are often misconceptions about what EOTAS is. For example, many parents feel it wouldn’t work for them because they work and they wouldn’t be around to deliver the provision. However, EOTAS is not EHE. Parents cannot be compelled to organise, facilitate or deliver the provision. The LA is responsible.

@StrivingForSleep

Thank you - that is all very good to know.

I don't think it would work because I am not certain how my son would travel to the provision. I can't drive and my son can not get in a taxi by himself - he will full body meltdown - we struggled greatly and school was unable to get him in at all. My husband drives four hours a day taking our son to school currently on top of his full time job and he is at breaking point.

Also, due to my health (previous cancer treatment/surgery complications, etc.), I use school time to rest as my son, even though he has melatonin, will only sleep in our bed and he has to be touching us at all times with hands and feet (constant wriggling/pushing). So I need the recovery time. Also, I would like the opportunity to work again at some point as financially we could be doing better.

But if there is some way EOTAS that could work with that, then I would really love to know about it!

Thank you very much again.

DS wouldn’t have to get in a taxi by himself. The LA can provide an escort. Or some with EOTAS have their TAs/LSAs take them to provisions. And some APs collect DC too.

Your second paragraph doesn’t have to be a problem with EOTAS. EOTAS is not EHE. Parents are not responsible for provision and cannot be compelled to organise, facilitate or deliver any provision so you would still be able to rest &/or work.

However, EOTAS/EOTIS is only legally possible if it is inappropriate for the provision to be made in a school.

Is DH currently receiving mileage?

@StrivingForSleep that is all very helpful - thank you. Unfortunately the taxi he repeatedly refused was with an escort. He seems to have pretty severe separation anxiety. He will often be uncertain about going in the car with his grandmother who he likes and sees semi-regularly and has difficulty going into school as well. He often says he never wants to go back.

I imagine most LAs will make it difficult to prove that a school can't provide the provision. I will try to look at options in my area.

We do receive mileage payments. We've looked at hiring someone privately like a nanny to drive with me in the car but so far have been unsuccessful. We have been quoted £600+ a day by regular taxi companies so that isn't going to work for us either.

What support, including therapies, does the EHCP include for DS’s anxiety?

It is not whether a school can’t provide the provision. It is whether it is inappropriate for the provision to be made in a school. But, yes, many have to appeal for a good EOTAS package.

Some DC have EOTAS packages which are delivered all or mainly from home, at least to begin with. Even if you go down that route, you wouldn’t be responsible for the provision.

Would DS go in a taxi with an escort with you? In the hope over (potentially a long) time, DS became comfortable with the taxi driver and escort, and you could step back.

@StrivingForSleep none as his EHCP was started when he was two and hasn't really been updated. My son can be quite outgoing so I think in some respects it is masked apart from at drop off when he will cling or try to run away. School have said they would refer to art therapy.

Thank you for clarifying - would you be able to give an example?

I think he would be more comfortable as long as the taxi driver was accommodating (no shouting, no loud calls, no music, no strong smells like heavy cologne/food). However we were told no to this as they wouldn't be able to bring me home and for "insurance reasons".

Thank you again.

You can request an early review in order to try to improve the EHCP. It needs improving more generally but also to include more supervision and therapies (SALT, OT, MH therapies). You will need evidence. Following the review, you will be able to appeal if the LA doesn’t amend the EHCP adequately. If you appeal, you will need independent assessments.

The other route is to request a reassessment of needs. However, you may still have to appeal (and seek independent assessments) to improve the EHCP, so a reassessment of needs may delay you.

IPSEA has model letters you can use for both a reassessment of needs and early review.

I would push for the taxi to be more accommodating. Nothing you list is extreme! And they can take you (coming home may be more difficult but I have known it to happen short term).

Sorry, I am not sure what you want an example of. Can you explain more?

@StrivingForSleep

Thank you so much that is all very helpful!

Sorry, I was hoping for an example of things that couldn't be provided in a school?

I assume something like equine therapy? But maybe you mean that due to school anxiety it would be inappropriate for my child to have SLT or OT in a school setting?

Thank you again.

Some DC have equine therapy via a school. Or attend a school but have a personal budget just for the equine therapy. There are lots of other similar examples instead of equine therapy such as rebound therapy or hydrotherapy.

The legal threshold for EOTAS isn’t just whether a school can deliver the provision, but whether it is appropriate for them to do so. Legally, they aren't quite the same thing because sometimes even though school can deliver the provision, it still wouldn’t be appropriate for them to do so for that specific child. Many EOTAS packages contain provision than schools can and do provide e.g. SALT, OT, sports, music, cookery… but for some DC it won’t be appropriate for the provision to be made in a school. That can be for a range of reasons. School anxiety and trauma is one of the reasons it is inappropriate for the provision to be made in a school for some (actually quite a lot). The sensory environment of schools can be a reason. Medical needs may be a reason. Various factors are considered when looking at whether it is inappropriate - e.g. the child’s background, the child’s needs, the provision required…

I have 2 DSs with EOTAS. One has such complex physical, medical, psychological, and developmental needs no school could remotely meet his needs. The other has EOTAS because the sensory environment, even in the smallest/calmest secondary school, is too overwhelming.

@StrivingForSleep Thank you, thank you. That is so very helpful.

May I ask, did you have legal help to secure the EOTAS provision? If you would rather pm, please do.

No, we didn’t have legal help or representation to secure EOTAS.

oh God,don't move to hull your son will have a beard and kids of he's own by time they do anything here

@StrivingForSleep thank you - you seem so knowledgeable, I assumed you had a legal background or similar!

We didn’t pay for representation, but as well as my own DC having SEN; I support parents who have disabled DC.