Advice needed on reception class and toileting

[TealWriter]

Advice please
my granddaughter is 4, undiagnosed autistic, I’m so worried for her and mum!
started nursery had problems with toileting, now in reception still weeing and pooing herself at school not at home, teachers are miffed as to what to do, my daughter feels like they blame her, their toilet routine in class is , go get their name stick it on a board then go to the toilet, they do ask her if she needs the toilet apparently she says no, then later wets herself, apparently she did it on the carpet! Then yesterday they said another girl wet herself so then my granddaughter did the same?!

today she has wee and pooed, I feel there is something going on in class, she also asked her friend to tell the teacher she needed a wee, they just don’t seem to be helping her, but come out of the end of the day sometimes..and tells mum that’s she’s had accidents? There is a meeting on Monday with the school nurse and the said teacher my daughter has exhausted all avenue with this…
any advice please? Many thanks

Just to clarify she goes as normal at home without any issues? Does she literally just do this at school only? Does she ever use the toilet in school?

Is she scared of using the school toilets? Does she know where to go? Has she used them successfully at all? Is she afraid to ask? She may not need to go when they ask but then might feel the need quite suddenly. I know autistic ds wet himself one time on the carpet when they were all told they weren't allowed to put their hands up and ask anything else for a bit.

Yes normal at home, they have to take her at school to the toilet

I’m thinking it’s urgent need to go, we don’t really know what goes on in the classroom tbh, class teacher seem useless tbh! I think there needs to be things in place for her, she often is sitting in pants wet then ends up sore, she won’t tell the teacher tho, I think the whole thing of placing your name before going to the toilet is a lot, especially for her, I’m hoping something is done on Monday with the school nurse,

It's clearly a school related issue then if she's fine elsewhere. They need to put reasonable adjustments in place to support her. The system they are using is clearly not suitable for her needs.

Is she on the school sen register? Does she have an ehcp?

With DGD asking her friend to tell the teacher, has DD considered if DGD has selective mutism?

Has DD had an OT assessment? OT can cover sensory needs. This can influence things like toileting. Have a read about interoception.

Ask the school if instead of just asking DD if she needs the toilet, telling her to go or taking her.

Has DGD been referred to the continence service?

Thankyou we will look into this, well we are hoping the school nurse might refer her to the continence service? My daughter contacted school nurse in October asking for help they are so slow.. granddaughter is on movical for constipation from a baby she also suffered bad reflux as a baby, she is a lockdown baby, we both feel like nobody is helping it’s so frustrating and stressful.. we just want the school to help!

Not on Sen register, my daughter has mentioned Ehcp but they say they need to do papaerwork and watch her, which they should have information on her from nursery! But haven’t, they seem reluctant for an Ehcp to be done by them, but I’ve said to my daughter, do one yourself

In some areas, DD would be able to self refer to the continence service.

If DD thinks an EHCP is required, she can request an EHCNA herself. She doesn’t have to wait for the school to make the request and she doesn’t need their agreement. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter she can use.

It needs to be made clear she has suspected send and that the issue solely occurs in school. There's something happening in school that's preventing her from going to the toilet. I really don't see this as a school nurse issue tbh. It sounds more ot to me. She can obviously go to the toilet everywhere else so it's figuring out why she doesn't feel comfortable going in school.

Has she been able to convey what the issue is at all? School need to try a different system for her to meet her needs. This could be using a symbol to request the toilet privately or using the toilet alone if the other children been there is the issue.

A few thoughts, which might be worth getting your daughter to ask/suggest at the meeting.

• Does she speak to her teacher at all? As PP suggested, perhaps it's selective mutism?
• Has she ever used the toilet in school?
• Are you sure she's not on the SEND register? That seems odd given there are clearly some needs.
• Does she need any prompting or support at all for toileting at home? Sometimes parents think a child is independent but actually don't notice that they are anticipating their needs.
• Could she be told to go to the toilet every hour/two hours?

I agree that this sounds like a problem with using the toilet at school.

Autistic children, even very verbal ones, can struggle asking for help. Some find it easier to have a card they can give to a teacher if they need something.

A visual timetable with "toilet" times marked (eg after arriving at school, before lunch) might help.

Do the toilets have hand dryers in them? Some autistic children can be really scared by them. Can she use a single disabled toilet instead?