What would you consider to be reasonable adjustments for a child with SEN and anxiety who is really struggling with the homework load?

[Sweetchildofmine123]

Hi,

Sorry for the long post, and I hope I've posted in the right area looking for advice on this.

Looking for some advice please.
Please be kind, I'm at my wits end.

My DS, 12, in Y8 of secondary, is struggling awfully with homework anxiety.
When he's frustrated, which is almost every time he has homework, he's started to self harm to a greater degree than ever.
He punches or slaps himself in the face or head, nips himself, cries and screams, throws himself on the floor, etc.
So homework is taking much, much longer than it should. At least 4x the allocated time for each piece set.
And it is futile as when he's like this, he learns absolutely nothing.
Every night is a battle, and I don't want him to feel like this any more. I also feel awful in being the one who pushes him to complete the work.

He does get like this with other things too, but homework seems to be a huge trigger for him.
So I'm looking at ways to try to help alleviate the burden of anxiety on him.

CAMHS believe him to be on the spectrum, with either ADHD or ADD, OCD and anxiety.
He's still awaiting his final assessment, but they've spoken to him and strongly believe this is his prognosis.

I contacted WMIM who have been supporting him, and SENDIASS, and they suggested I ask school for reasonable adjustments to try to help my DS, and they sent me some very useful links.

I then researched and emailed his school to ask for help.

I have received a reply from his HOY to say teachers would be asked for reasonable adjustments to his homework.
That was a short-lived relief, but...

I then received an email from one SENCo advising DS can attend after school homework clubs, which set my DS off again when I mentioned it.
I don't understand how anyone could think this is right when he's at the point it's so bad that he's self harming.
I'm trying to alleviate the pressure, not add to it by sending him to school for longer twice a week.

Then tonight I've missed a call from another SENCO, who left me a message saying they want to chat about a few ideas to help DS with his homework.
I don't know what I can suggest, because this isn't working for him. I can't see a way to stop the pressure on him if school push for him to carry on as normal.

Surely a SENCO's role is to try promote good mental health?!

So far, even though reasonable adjustments should be in place, nothing seems to have changed

I must say, to date, even though it's causing him a great deal of distress to the point he's self harming, he has always done his homework on time as I've made sure he has.
But it's now so bad, I'm just trying to find a way to stop him feeling like this, it's affecting him too badly and it's escalating.

He's been badly bullied both physically and verbally for the whole of Y7, and in to Y8.
It has now stopped thanks to his HOY, but he's only just starting to heal from this as it's still very raw.

He's just started to make a few friends, I'm thrilled about this as he's been so isolated and lonely so far due to how bad the bullying was, so I've suggested to school that his lunch breaks aren't affected as he's building friendships that have taken him nearly 18 months to make.
I really don't want him to lose his lunch times as making friends is definitely helping him.

He's a great student. He's never in trouble.
He tries his best at school (he masks very well so school never see how bad he is), and receives praise and lots of positive points.

Can anyone help or suggest how I approach this, and what would you consider to be reasonable adjustments for a child who is so bad they're self harming, yet he's still receiving the same amount of homework as he's had always done?

This is affecting me too, as I can see what DS is suffering, so I just want to see a way forward and to stop the pressure he feels under.

Sorry again for the long post, but I didn't want to drip feed.

TIA x

There are several possible reasonable adjustments depending on the individual. Homework club (either at lunchtime or after school) works for some. It obviously won’t work for your DS, but it wasn’t a wrong possible suggestion, IMO.

Other possibilities could include not doing any homework, only doing homework from core subjects, only doing basic homework for all subjects (e.g. no make a poster), adapted homework, withdrawal from a subject or 2 to do homework during that time (easier with an EHCP than without), longer deadlines, stopping after X amount of time whether finished or not… It really depends on DS’s individual needs. Do you think all homework needs to stop for DS?

Does DS have an EHCP?

Thanks so much for your reply.
I've been so anxious about writing this post.

I think right now, any club I suggest would be met with resistance due to everything I wrote in my OP.

You've given me some very good ideas that I can maybe explore with the SENCO, hopefully tomorrow. Thank you.

I think he needs to do some homework as it will set him up for adult life.
May be adapted would be a way forward.
Or stopping after X amount of time would help him hugely.

I don't want him to fall behind, he's doing very well at school. Even with his struggles.
It's when he's at home where he can be his true self and the masking stops when the problems start.

Also, I don't want him to think life is a breeze, so I think he needs to do some homework, just not the amount he is getting (at present it's all revising for half year assessments so there is a lot to do).

He doesn't have an EHCP as he's still waiting on his final assessment from CAMHS, and I've been told they are nigh on impossible to get.
But if it could possibly help this current situation, I will look in to it.
I'm not sure he'd get one without the formal diagnosis from CAMHS though?

You don’t need a diagnosis for an EHCP. They are based on needs. Request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. You may have to appeal, but it is possible to get an EHCP for the needs you describe.

I wouldn’t base support now on what you want DS to be used to in adult life. Look at what DS needs now.

Have you spoken directly to DS’s teachers?

Thank you, I will look in to that tomorrow.

You've been so helpful, and yes you're right, I do need to concentrate on what my son needs right now.

I've emailed his HOY, and had a reply.
Two SENCOs have been in touch, which is strange, as I've asked for their help before, but in all this time (18 months) I've never heard back from them.

He also has a keyworker he never actually sees!

It's all a battle to get anywhere.

While you have their attention, discuss other support DS needs too.

I will do, thank you so much for all your help.

My oldest (probably autistic but doesn't like labels and didn't want to be assessed) had huge homework meltdowns, and still does, though less.

What helps us is (sometimes) chatting about what he thinks he needs to do and then explaining why he doesn't have to do that much.

Not stressing about anything until the night or morning it is due - enjoy the weekend, the homework won't get done either way so don't even try, and use the time for something else.

Some of homework is strategies. The right tutor could teach strategies for getting work done which might help. I.e. this is how you write an essay etc.

What helped us was to set a timer for the allocated time and be firm that's all they needed to do. We'd look in the holidays at anything that they needed to catch up/consolidate/extend, but again with a timer. Are there any other barriers that make it longer? In my ds case, it's dyspraxia, so using a keyboard or dictating helped as the main struggle was the writing. We also cut out any subjects we knew they wouldn't take at GCSEs, like French.

This is very familiar, sympathies!

You're the parent and if homework is causing distress and this much upset to family life, you can do less of it or none at all for a while. Set a timer and do maths and English first. Maybe try Reading Eggs and Maths Seeds as an alternative.

Keep a diary of the outbursts and see if you can spot any particular triggers.

Thanks so much for your replies.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but it helps to see that people are in the same boat!
Though I hope you're okay, and your children.

The SENCO should be calling me today, so I am hoping they can offer some help for him.

The only barrier is his anxiety. Which CAMHS believe is due to ASD with either ADHD or ADD.

Some great advice from you all, I really appreciate it.

I'll update as soon as I've spoken to the SENCO, which I'm hoping is ASAP today so I know what is being done, or can be done to help him get through this.

Nothing much to report.

Second SENDCO advised after-school homework club, and had no idea the first SENDCO had suggested this.
I said at this point, that isn't going to work for DS, but it's something I will suggest to him again when he's feeling more positive.

I still don't know what 'reasonable adjustments' have been put in to place.

So, nothing is happening really!

There isn’t one set of things that have to be put in place as part of making reasonable adjustments. It depends on the individual circumstances and the situation.

Have you tried making a suggestion to the school based on what you think will work? Or even telling the school what you will or won’t be doing.

All the suggestions I posted would be classed as a reasonable adjustment.

Hi,

No, I just asked for reasonable adjustments, and was told they'd been put in place, but I have no idea what they are.

I hate being a pain to school, I try not to bother them too much, but I do need to know. I will email them today, thank you so much.

Homework has been a nightmare for DS too, and he also refuses to go to homework club. Like you, I don't want him to fall behind by not being required to do it at all. So we use a timer - 10 minutes for each assignment, and then he is allowed to stop. We find that occasionally he will keep going in order to finish. However, if it is something open-ended such as revising, he is more likely to want to stop after 10 minutes. I've had to just accept that this may be the best we can do at this point. Oh and by the way I need to sit with him to help... exhausting but I've just had to accept this for now.

You need to be more specific and direct with the school.

I found it quite a hard journey moving from not wanting to make a fuss/not wanting to be “that parent” to telling the school exactly what we needed and why. But I started reminding myself that I was my child’s advocate and they needed me to explain to the school what the teachers couldn’t see or understand. You can still be polite and respectful while being firm.

Agree with the poster above, be clear and direct with them and ask them to put in something you specify. And then when agreed, I would email all the teachers to say this is what has been agreed with the SENCO and say you will commit to supporting him if he falls behind.

Given that he’s self harming, I wonder if you suggest to the school he has a reset and does no homework for a few weeks to reset/recover at which point you discuss again and review? No homework and no punishment in that time to see what happens.

Once he’s had some breathing space to recover then you can explore the homework club or setting a timer or other ideas. But ultimately his mental health is most important and no one can learn effectively while in crisis mode so top priority has to be to help him get out of crisis first.

In the meantime, get the ball rolling on an EHCP yourself. There’s tonnes of advice on these forums. Good luck!