Don't know what to do to help possibly autistic DS with issues at school

[quagga6]

Hi i'd really appreciate any advice about next steps with our son who is 8 and school. I'm feeling desperate.

Our son has had issues at school for a while but they seem to be getting worse as time goes on. He has difficulty regulating his emotions and gets very angry and upset, and at times has lashed out at teachers or other children or thrown things. He was temporarily excluded from school before Christmas due to kicking a teacher. He struggles with changes to routine and noisy environments so found the run up to Christmas at school especially challenging. Also struggles with PE, games, he finds losing very difficult and puts a lot of pressure on himself to win.

School have referred him for the autism diagnostic pathway as feel he has quite a few traits but the wait is long in our area. He was referred over a year ago and I've been told it will likely be another 2 years before we hear anything. I've contacted the GP about a RTC referral but not getting anywhere so far.

He's frequently having meltdowns at school and taking himself off to crouch in a corner, either in the classroom or elsewhere in the school, for long periods of time, meaning that he is missing lessons. If teachers try to speak with him it makes him worse or he won't really engage. He is then also missing playtime the next day as being kept in due to his behaviour or to make up work he has missed while he's not been engaging.

School have had the inclusion team in who made some suggestions but I don't think these have been put into place. They have tried a few other things such as taking him out in a small group or using a different space but he wants to be the same as his friends and is reluctant to engage in these things.

I'm just not sure what to do to improve things, I'm worried that he will keep missing lessons and getting excluded. He has gone from loving learning to absolutely hating school. Despite everything he is doing well academically but socially/behaviourally is another matter.

Has anyone had experience of anything similar? The school seems at a loss for how to deal with it. I've tried to research things and not sure what to do, whether an EHCP would be appropriate /help or whether there are any interventions that would make a difference. Or if we should be pushing for the autism assessment but school say having a diagnosis wouldn't make a difference. It feels like we're in a vicious circle and I'm not sure how to get out of it, the current situation is horrible for him and us as parents but equally must be very difficult for his teacher and disruptive for other children.

Would be really grateful for any advice.

Yes, request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

In the meantime, request a meeting with the SENCO to discuss support because support in school is based on needs. What interventions is the LA providing? Do they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work, nurture group, sensory circuits or drawing and talking therapy? Does DS use noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders? Have they looked at placement within the classroom? The school removing playtime the next day is counter productive. Speak to them about them.

Was the suspension before Christmas a formal suspension?

This all sounds really tough for you both. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Firstly you aren’t alone. This is happening up and down the country. We’re about 7 years ahead of you and knowing what I do now, I’m baffled that schools aren’t better at this yet!? Your son is definitely not the first pupil with this profile that they’ve seen - but every time they seem to be unable to learn and do even better next time… odd for educational establishments don’t you think?!

My two have a handful of diagnoses between them. In all cases I asked the school what they thought. They said they didn’t see it. Said they didn’t know how to help. Said we’d not qualify for an EHCP. Well it turns out I was on the right track and getting the diagnosis does help - not the child much directly but helps me to advocate. And the EHCP strengthens my hand - both at primary and when it came to choosing a secondary.

DM me your email address and I’ll send you an EHCP Template letter. You can apply now - from what you’ve typed you’ve got loads of evidence of unmet need.

In the meantime at school look at how you could “reduce demand” and he’ll hopefully start to cope better. Eg modified or missed PE - loads of transitions and triggers in this one subject - is it worth putting him through it? Could he have quiet/recharge time in school instead and you find more suitable/supported activities outside of school? Or could you pick him up early each day until things settle down? Often it’s group work at the end of the day which is more taxing and less essential?

Thats just a couple of examples. But If you message me I can tell you how to do an analysis of triggers at school using a map/building plan. And a chat about teachers/the school day. Once you’ve discovered his triggers you’ll be in a good place to suggest things to the school that might work! For some reason they rarely ask the child in a meaningful way and so often suggest interventions that prove to be irrelevant/ineffective.

sorry I shall stop ranting. Happy to help more offline if you Dm me