Feeling so sad for my son

[chickpea1982]

My eldest (aged 8) is in the process of being assessed for ASD and ADHD. It was picked up by the school in year 1 and we are only now (in year 4!) started to get appointments to get him seen. He's in a mainstream state school. They've been really good at identifying his additional needs and trying to meet them, at least on the academic side. But social issues are becoming more and more apparent.

His "quirks" caused problems with his peers in earlier years but it didn't seem to bother him that much. Now he is 8, he is much more aware of social relationships and is experiencing the pain of social rejection/exclusion more and more. He finds lunchtimes at school particularly hard - he'll try to play a game with other kids, but doesn't have the same understanding of the rules as them, or perhaps they are just mean to him (as he says) and it ends up in tears with him feeling left out and angry. Thankfully he has one good friend, although that boy has other friends too and so I worry constantly about the friend leaving my child behind. He's already quite a "glass half empty" type of personality and I worry that if he finds himself totally excluded he will get dangerously low. I'm just torturing myself with the thought that it will get worse as he goes to secondary.

Does anyone have similar experience, and any advice to pass on? I suppose I'm hoping that you will say it will all be ok in the end.

What support for the social and emotional side of things is the school providing? Things like do they run a nurture group, Lego therapy, do they have a lunch club DS can attend, do they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work, do they have anyone who can run drawing and talking therapy. What are they doing to tackle other pupils being unkind towards DS?

Does DS have an EHCP?

They have a lunchtime club he can go to sometimes (not every day though as they feel it's important that he plays with the other kids sometimes). He can do things like crafts and board games there, which helps. His teachers are supportive, and try to help explain when things go wrong, though I do sense a bit of exasperation sometimes! He doesn't have an ECHP yet. We are only just starting the assessments (after 2.5 years...).

@Iwouldratherbegardening are you the OP?

Attending a lunchtime club doesn’t rule out playing with your DC. How strange the school thinks it does. They need to look at how they are running the club.

Request a meeting with the SENCO. The school could be providing more support.

An EHCP isn’t based on diagnosis. DS could have already had one. If you think an EHCP may be necessary, you can request an EHCNA yourself now. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.