Feeling really sad about nursery…

[SENSAHMama]

My ds is almost 3 years and 5 months old but he is about a year behind in his speech, social, emotional and communication development. He has over 100 words but only uses about 10-20 around people other than me and his dad. He is also on a waiting list for an autism assessment. He goes to toddler/pre-school classes (gymnastics, music, dance, football) and a stay and play with me every week so he has plenty of opportunities to meet other children but it is a struggle and other children rarely want to play with him and he can’t communicate with them :(

His speech therapist has recommended nursery as they will be able to help us decide whether to go down the mainstream or SEN school route and they will also be able to apply for an EHCP for us. She also hopes that his speech will come on more in a nursery setting.

I really don’t want to send him to nursery (I have done placements and worked in nurseries that are awful to the children) but this nursery has been recommended to us, the staff seemed really nice and supportive when we went to view the nursery and they have autism trained staff. Our child was happily playing at the viewing but we left him inside to go and see the outside area and when we got back in he was standing at the door crying for me 😭

He has his settling in sessions next week and I feel so sad about it 😞 What if he cries the whole time? What if he hates it? What if he doesn’t make any friends? How on earth am I going to leave him there if he is crying for me? 😭😭 I really don’t want to do it but from what everyone has said it will be the best thing for him and I don’t want to take away the opportunities that he needs to develop 💔 He will only be going two days a week for 4-5 hours and his routine will stay the same for most of the week but I just feel so so sad and guilty about leaving him 😭

I guess this going to happen at some point, better to be nursery than school I think personally. He has no idea what's going on at the moment either once it becomes part of routine and he gets to know the staff I'm sure he won't be as upset.

My autistic DS went from a younger age but loved nursery and school now, friendships are a struggle for him but he doesn't know I don't think, he just loves being around other kids and he knows all the staff.

The EHC process was easier for us because of nursery too, they could provide plenty of evidence so we had it in place from the start.

Big hugs, hope the settling goes well x

Everything you are feeling is normal. Easier said than done, but try not to worry. I think trying nursery is the right thing to do.

You can request an EHCNA yourself now. You don’t need to wait for the nursery to do it. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

I also wouldn’t rely on the nursery when deciding whether your preference is for MS or SS. By all means consider what they say but don’t take it as gospel.

He has had his first two settling in sessions and he loved them and didn’t want to leave!! He didn’t cry at all at his first one (we waited in the office so we would have heard him) and he cried when we left 😢 Then today he went in without issue again and we waited in the car and when we went to get him he was clearly fine and didn’t want to leave!! I’m actually quite shocked!! He’s doing a 2 hour session next week over a meal so we will see how that goes but so far it definitely seems to have been a lot harder for me than it is for him!!