ASD low self worth secondary

[Sonrien]

Hi

My son is in year 8 in a grammar school. After a terrible yr 7 of sensory overwhelm leading to head banging and leaving classes, he received an EHCP with 32.5 hours 1-2-1 support. This has enabled him to access class and stay there, though there hasn't been much academic progress yet. He is very aware that he is slower than the others and feels he is not as good. He doesn't join in with form, lunch, music, drama, games, lunchtimes etc. spending his time in student support.

I'm wondering if a different environment would be better for his mental health. But not sure what to look for as a state comp would be just as sensory challenging and maybe have more behavioural issues. And the LA think his needs can be met in mainstream. They kind of are, but it's not the same experience everyone else is getting.

Anyone have any positive stories to share?

And the LA think his needs can be met in mainstream.

What do you think? It doesn’t sound the case. In your short post, you mention lack of academic progress, social difficulties, sensory overwhelm and psychological struggles.

Do you have any small nurturing independent mainstreams within travelling distance? Or any special schools catering for academically able DC within travelling distance?

Thank you for your reply!

I have approached a small independent, but they have said they can not meet his needs. I am struggling to find information around specialist schools and how appropriate they would be.

My son is in y11 and about to sit GCSEs. His start in grammar was awful. He had an Autism diagnosis but had undiagnosed ADHD. School said they couldn’t meet need and he was also head banging and not able to stay in lessons. We got his private ADHD diagnosis and meds towards the end of y8. It took most of Y9 to build him up and get back his confidence after a nasty shock. Do as much as you can to support his self esteem and remind him how good he is. My son is in the bottom maths set and it’s been great for him. He could move up but it’s just a bit more gentle/better pace. At a grammar the bottom set might be a B so we celebrated that with him. Someone has to be at the bottom of the grammar - but that’s probably still at the top of the comp and it’s worth framing that for him. Look at the whole cohort and not his school.

I asked if he could drop languages so he is doing 9 GCSEs instead of 10. In y9 he didn’t do cooking, drama, music, PE etc and was also in learning support where he could rest and do homework. There was a lot of opt out but it was really valuable for recovery. the combination of meds and recovery led the school to change their mind so his placement was saved.

He titrated his medication through y9 and started his GcseS a different boy. He has rest breaks when he would have languages. He can use that for study, homework or rest as he chooses. He’s set for grades 7-9. He’s not keen on school and is keen to get off to a specialist science 6th form but the adjustments meant he could tolerate it.

based on our experience 100% the grammar was the best place. He certainly wasn’t top of the class anymore and there are sensory challenges but behaviour and classroom management are good. Looking at 6th forms I can see if he’d been at a comp he couldn’t have made it. So I’d say take it easy and take your time. He can miss loads of academic work (maybe except maths) and then get on to the treadmill for y10. Don’t push him but instead lots of nurture and building up by playing to strengths. I got my son some social opportunities and a volunteer role that he helped me with. As he had more successes he got better and better. It’s still hard every day but in 3 years it’s been a great transformation. You can do it! Xx

Thank you so much. Sounds like a very similar experience, he also doesn't do languages and is diagnosed with adhd. I have thought about medication and he has just finished a series of 1-2-1 therapy with cahms, so I will follow up on this. So pleased for you and also thank you for the Hope!

The meds changed everything. Therapy won't touch the underlying attention problems and the interest based nervous system - it is a chemical imbalance in the brain not a behavioural thing. I was very biased against the meds but now I feel really awful that I didn't get them organised for him sooner. All the good things that have come have been built on that foundation. There is a really good book "A Parents Guide to ADHD medication" which is really helpful to read before you go down this path to understand the process and options. The NHS seems to offer Medikinet first if you go for long release which has a 50-50 split on the dosage. As we went private our psychiatrist suggested Equasym XL which has a 30-70 split meaning he gets more in the afternoon when his focus is fading more. Ask for the one you think will fit your son's profile best. Good luck and come back to say how you get on x

You can search for schools here. The maximum recommended travel time is typically considered 1hr15 at secondary. Although many travel further. It is worth asking around locally. You could always try posting a thread on here.

What support, including therapies, is currently in the EHCP? With an EHCP, you don’t have to be limited to what CAMHS can/will offer. It sounds like DS needs ongoing therapeutic input and that should be in the EHCP.

If it is inappropriate for the provision to be made in a school, you could also look at EOTAS/EOTIS.

I should add that I looked at a whole host of different school options when we thought he wouldn't cope in mainstream. Mainstream indies around us weren't interested in taking an EHCP student and had woeful SEN provision. Specialist Indies which had some GCSEs on offer were full or £90k a year in fees or a silly travel distance. There is Bruern Abbey or St Davids which are indie boarding but they were better for dyslexic/ADHD than for autism. I looked at everything and time and time again couldn't find a school which could cope with a 2e (both high IQ and SEN) kid. Staying put has been best for us as the grammar we are in is quite liberal and while it is still a secondary school its environment and behaviour is more manageable than a comp. Plus our kids don't transition well. So absolutely do what I did and investigate other options but do 100% to get your current placement to work out as well so you have all possible choices available. good luck

Thank you so so much. This is great advice and it sounds like a very similar experience. It's so hard to find information around on alternatives. And he has very good support where he is. I think we just need to focus on trying to build his resilience, and hopefully his confidence and maturity will develop. He is a very small young 12 in a class with some 13 year olds who are mentally and physically streets ahead of him. We are close to Egerton Rothesay which would be a good fit, but is full. (And incredibly expensive). I feel bad I didn't realise what was going on for him sooner. But his limitations didn't become obvious until puberty/transition to secondary.

If you are near Egerton Rothesay, if you decide to have a look at other options Holmewood might be within travelling distance. As may The King’s school and St Christopher.

What subjects does he want to study? When everything went wrong I wondered if he could pass any GCSEs at all and started thinking he might only manage 5 or 6 and probably not english. With the meds he's been able to think straight and has even got some top marks in his classwork in english. This was why Special school just wasn't a good option in the end because most of them focus on all the non academic options that our boy hated like cooking and drama - he wanted hardcore maths and science. And many special schools would tell me that they offered certain subjects - but when I asked detailed questions they actually didn't. So do try your best to build support for mainstream because if your son is academically able, that is probably the best place for a broad range of academic subjects. But obviously that relies on him being able to tolerate that environment...

So although it looks a bit dark now, if the meds work for him, it could be very different in only a few months. Like us puberty hormones completely wrecked his brain balance and we are very grateful that there are pills to give some stability. We didn't force anything on him and he was part of the decision process so we haven't had any problems with him refusing to take them like some families do. In fact he refuses to be without them when I originally thought he might only take them on school days.

It also makes a world of difference once they start on the GCSE courses because there is a focus/point to it and there are more subjects they enjoy - and fewer of the ones they loathe! Before choosing I would suggest checking which exam boards are being used and how the options are examined. If you have a similar situation then maybe avoiding any of the essay based subjects would be a good plan.

Sorry I am posting too much because I never meet anyone in real life with the same issues we are facing! Once things are settled down a bit I highly reccommend going to get a dyslexia assessment with Prof David McLoughlin at IDC in Tavistock Sq. He was great with my son and he looks at a range of indicators so your son will be able to see that he (probably) has a lot of high skills in different places and then average or low working memory and processing speed. Those may be the things that make him think he is not as good as the others at his school but once he understands the spikey profile you can start to get better supports in place. And unlike the LA EPs he isn't afraid of telling people about their strengths - the EHCP process just seems to focus on all the negative stuff and it is terrible for them to deal with. Prof David had a wonderful effect on our boy xx

And maybe consider joining Parents of Twice Exceptional Children (2e) on facebook as there are lots of people in the same boat on there

Thank you. Had not come across Holmewood!

I really appreciate you posting. I've found one of the only positives is that we can share our own experiences to help others journeys be a little less daunting. He had an Ed psych assessment at 9 which diagnosed dyslexia and very slow processing (second percentile) also identified positives but I can't remember what they were. I will look into the doctor you recommend. His self esteem is so very low. Our elder son also has asd and struggled through gcse trying to avoid essay type subjects. But he always had tonnes of self confidence. He is predicted 3 A* for his science/maths a-levels. I imagine younger one will go down the same route. Though he says he'd like to own a bakery. (Very limited diet, would love to live on cakes). Thank you for sharing, I'll update in the future and I hope things continue to improve for your son.

If you decide you do need to look at SS and DS would consider boarding/boarding would be suitable, there would be other options too. For example, More House regularly send DC to university. Unsted Park has sent DC to university, including one to medical school a few years ago. Breckenbrough sometimes send pupils to university - one boy last year who attended there then moved to a mainstream college with outreach is now at Oxford.

Have you thought about homeschooling or joining an online school? My dcs couldn't cope with the sensory overload at school. Not joining in with sports etc exposed them to bullying and marked them as different and made them feel as if they don't fit in. The quiet rooms they had access to were never quiet enough to properly self regulate and echarge. We joined 2 different online schools and are doing some extras in real life to further their interests and social development and it works really well. The 2 main online providers in the UK are very focused on ADHD and ASD and there are neurodiversity clubs, mentoring and a strong focus on 'out and proud' and celebrating neurodiversity. Also career service with help how to get online workexperience etc for those who would struggle with a corporate placement. Many parents were able to get online schools named in their EHCP. We are self funding, but it's more affordable than independent, which in my opinion are not better than grammar, as the sensory issues remain and there are usually more 'loud' events and more timetable changes to accommodate games, matches, drama productions, speech days ... etc. While online school is no magic wand to solve all problems, I haven't heard from a single parent that their neurodivergent children are not happier now at online school than before. Many had changed school after developing depression, low self esteem, burn out and even suicidal thoughts/attempts, so majority of parents are agreeing it's been a life saver.

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE. Doing that relieves the LA of their duty to provide anything in F of the EHCP or provide a suitable, full-time education. And DS clearly needs therapeutic input such as OT, SALT, MH therapy. He would also benefit from tuition for a specialist dyslexia tutor. An EHCP can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund themselves, whether that’s via DC attending a placement or having EOTAS/EOTIS.

Most online schools can’t be named in section I of an EHCP because they aren’t registered institutions. There are a couple who are now registered, who some LAs are now naming in I.

Thanks for your message! I home schooled my daughter to gcse and it was absolutely the right thing for her. My son is not so keen and wants to find a school that works for him.

What did your dd do after GCSEs, @Sonrien? I have my hopes up that both dc will be able to go to 6 form college, as it's more flexible/open than secondary school and none of the drama, sports etc bits. It would be amazing to have such a college format for GCSE years, ideally with the option to do some lessons from home (like universities do via recorded lectures).

@NellyBarney she went to the local sixth form to do a-levels. She did not love the rules, structure. But made some amazing friends and is pleased she went. Also started setraline which massively helped with her anxiety. She was having panic attacks every day at first.

She'd have probably been better doing a college b-tech as she was disappointed with her grades, after doing really well at gcse. She's now travelling Australia and applying for apprenticeships. No interest in uni!

@NellyBarney also there are some hybrid college options. City and Islington have a home Ed hub and I know there are others. And UTC colleges take 14-16 year olds.

@NellyBarney some FE colleges and independent colleges offer provison to DC from Y9 or Y10.

Or a UTC? Some start from y9 so the whole intake is new. My two have founds years 7-9 the most challenging because they’ve got to get through lots of subjects they don’t like - it’s “boring!” apparently 🤣 so just going in for y9 onwards could work well

@KnottyAuty yes, I hope that having more choice over which subjects to take and fewer subjects will make things more tolerable.