Anyone managed to stop bedsharing/seperation anxiety at night?

[Newsenmum]

I’ve pretty much had to bedshare with my ASD child since birth. Terrible sleeper. No naps. Nearly killed me. He’s 5 and a half and although it’s not the end of the world as he finally goes down better, god I’d love my bed back. It’s also starting to become an issue with his younger brother who is now also a bad sleeper (he’s a baby) and I feel like they’re waking each other up in my room. So not only am I squished but they’re both disturbing each other and I feel like I can’t really sort the baby’s sleep with my older son there.
We have a 3 bedroom house. The master (where I am with kids), my 5 year olds room where all his things and ‘chill out’ space is and then the third bedroom which was supposed to be the baby’s room, but which is now where DH sleeps so he can actually go to work every day. (I’m now a SAHM because of all the stress with EHCP etc).
ASD son has such bad seperation anxiety, really bad. School is getting better and it’s a lovely school (so I know I’m very lucky in lots of ways) but he has it there too. At night he’s terrified of everything and once we go through all of our routines he has to be on me completely to sleep. Oh and here’s the kicker, he wakes up around 4-5am like a jack in the box.

Any tips from mums in a similar position? Does it get any easier?

If you’re not a SEN parent please politely keep your nose out and no goady comments here.

I think it’s relevant here as I know a lot of ASD kids have trouble with sleep and also I can’t deal with it in the traditional way that some would suggest as his anxiety is really bad

DS1 is a teen now. Although he now starts the night in his own bed, at some point he either ends up in with us or DH or I will get in with him and he still requires us to stay with him until he is asleep. DS1 is different in that he does nap in the day still and that is often his best sleep.

We have tried numerous things. For example, 2 way monitor, doodle pillowcase, dream pad pillow, worry book, white noise, music, ear plugs, weighted blanket, tents, special teddy, pregnancy pillow to cuddle, various apps, brushing, audiobooks, different lighting, meditation just before bedtime, elastic band technique, an adapted version of gradual retreat. In my desperation, I even tried the TV and iPad.

None have worked for us, but I thought I would mention them because they work for some people.

Medication helps (We have tried several medications.) but doesn’t solve the problems. Along with medication, the thing that has helped is DS getting older and therapeutic input.

If DC2 is old enough to sleep in his own room, could DH move to DC1’s rooms and DC2 go in to the room that was meant for him? If DC2 isn’t old enough/ready to sleep in a room alone but normally sleeps OK, could he go in with DH?

Thank you for this. I really feel for you still going through it all. That’s a good point, it would be good if DH could try and use oldest son’s room when he’s asleep. I’ll look at the other things too. You know what it’s like when you’re so exhausted, you can’t make proper plans.

DD, ASD, wouldn't sleep alone until she was about 10. We got her a new room with a 4 poster bed with thick curtains and wooden shutters. She likes it, problem now is she doesn't come out of her bed/room, eats in there, changed from physical school to homeschooling etc. Overall, still a win as she's calm. DS, ASD and ADHD, is 8 now and still needs me to fall asleep. We got him a double bed and we go to bed together. If he falls asleep quickly and I'm still awake, I go over into my room. Often though I fall asleep before him. Dh happy in his own room. Luckily we have a bedroom for each of us.

Just want to say our 5 year old with ASD is in our bed every night either sleeping or wide awake. I really miss being able to get comfy in bed, be with my husband. It’s tough, I’ve tried everything, nothing works

I co slept with ASD DS from essentially birth until he decided he was happy in his own bed, which was around 9 years old.

I never made him stay in his own room, he was free to sleep wherever he wanted. By the time he was 9 he found he slept better on his own. He was also on fluoxetine by this time which really helped with his anxiety.